Jennyfer Raden MA, LMHC, CGE

What It Takes to do Counseling Right

Counseling can be very mysterious and opaque. Often you don't know what you are getting yourself into when you sit down in a therapist's office. You know you're supposed to do some talking and then the counselor will do something and that will make you like your partner again.

Fortunately there has been some strong research done in the last 20 years that gives us a little more insight into what actually helps people make long term changes in their lives. There are four basic concepts that I use to decide what I, as a counselor, should be doing when you are in my office.

The basis of change in counseling is a good relationship between counselor and clients.
Research from Barry Duncan and Scott Miller at the Institute for the Study of Therapeutic Change shows that your perception of your counselor accounts for 30% of the change that happens during counseling. If you are not comfortable or do not trust your counselor you will not make as much progress. By the third session of counseling, you should feel more hopeful and have seen at least some changes. If you haven't seen those changes, you should seek a new counselor until you find one you can trust.

At Healthy Couples we will sit down after the 3rd appointment and decide if your sessions are making a difference in your relationship. If you don't feel better and more hopeful, you will receive referrals to other qualified counselors. Once you begin counseling, you will have the opportunity at the end of every session to tell me what worked for you and what did not so that we can adjust the strategy for the next session.

People don't exist in a vacuum. Problems don't either. Everything happens in context.
The problems you have can be understood as old attempts to fix things that are no longer working. You created those solutions based on what you learned from your family, culture, sexuality, and spirituality. Every couple has different origins for the same problem. To create new solutions you must build tangible relationship skills to heal old wounds, maintain your friendship, manage conflict and support your dreams for the future.

At Healthy Couples you will complete a thorough assessment process designed to explore the history of your relationship, your experiences in your family and your ideas about change and hope. This will create a comprehensive picture of the context of your current difficulties and determine which interventions will be the most helpful.

Counseling should be based on, and led by developments in, scientific research.
Research over the last 50 years has given us a deeper understanding of how relationships succeed or fail. We now understand that the intersection of conflict behavior between partners, perception of the relationship, and the physiology of both partners dramatically affects the health of a relationship. There is solid evidence that techniques based on research are more effective at helping couples make changes.

Counseling sessions and techniques at Healthy Couples are based on 35 years of research about how relationships work by John Gottman, Ph.D. Each intervention was developed and tested for successful long term change.

Working with couples requires different skills and training than working with individuals.
Most therapists who work in private practice have had little or no training working with couples. As William Doghtery said, "From a consumer's point of view, going in for couples therapy is like having your broken leg set by a doctor who skipped orthopedics in medical school." Counselors must balance allegiance between partners, manage rapid emotional escalation, and reduce the threat of separation or divorce. None of these skills are taught in individual therapy programs. They can only be acquired in specialized training.

I have trained with the premier training program in the country, the Gottman Therapy Institute. Advanced training includes over 80 hours of instruction from John and Julie Gottman as well as 100 hours of clinical supervision by a Certified Gottman Therapist. I will be a certified Gottman Therapist as of November 2007.

Even if you decide to seek therapy somewhere other than Healthy Couples, please ask your counselor what qualifies them to provide the services that they offer. Shop for your counselor the same way you would for a home: know your requirements, do your research, and get the best your money can buy.

Free 30 Minute Consultation
A confidential introductory session available to first time clients. This is a chance for you to ask me questions about my approach in a safe, non-judgmental environment and spend some time getting to know how I do things before you spend any money. If you decide you want to try a different approach I will give you referrals to other qualified professionals.

Relationship Check-Up
Counseling starts with a conversation about the history of your relationship. You will complete some surveys to get a broader understanding of what is currently not working. You will each have a separate session to tell your individual stories. These things will help me understand the quality of your friendship with your partner, how you manage conflict, and how your relationship supports or undermines your goals and dreams. This helps you create a concrete picture of where your relationship is today, and what you want to change for tomorrow.

Skill Building
If you decide to continue counseling, we will use the results of your check-up to set clear goals and measure your progress. You will practice what to do differently each day to increase your connection to your partner. You will learn new tools to improve the way that you argue and negotiate difficult discussions. You will find out how to take a break, get your conversations back on track, and understand what is most important to your partner. You will learn how to be a good partner without changing who you are.

Resolution
When you are more relaxed and confident about the future of your relationship, we will create a plan for keeping it healthy. This includes follow up sessions or "booster shots" which are proven to help you maintain the new habits you created in counseling.