Dr. Erica Goodstone Ph.D., LMHC, LPC, LMFT, Board Certified Sex Therapist

What is the perfect age? Do you ever look back and wish you could relive an earlier time in your life? Do you ever look at young people and envy their youth and vitality?

Are you currently young, strong and arrogant, wanting to believe that you will defy the odds and never age?

Rather than decide what is the perfect age and spend the rest of your life lamenting the fact that you have not yet reached that age or have passed your prime, why not focus instead on developing the perfect state of mind? Then, you can continue to have that perfect state of mind and way of being - at any age.

Current research has revealed that seniors are often happier than much younger people.

What is the secret to creating a perfect state of mind regardless of age?

The answer can be found in studies of centenarians (people who have reached the age of 100) and supercentenarians (those few who have managed to live past the age of 110). In general, these super elderly live a healthy, relatively stress-free lifestyle. They have a close network of caring friends and relatives as well as a strong sense of spiritual connection and faith in a higher power. They continue to do their daily chores, they have a strong sense of purpose in life, they continue to stimulate their mind, they eat well, exercise, sleep well and maintain a positive, optimistic attitude - regardless of their physical or financial state.

What it boils down to is this. Wellness is a state of mind. Health is a matter of attitude. Happiness is the result of believing in the goodness that life has to offer and accepting whatever is given to you with graciousness, gratitude and enjoyment of the simple pleasures of the moment.

All we really have is the present moment. If we can find joy and harmony and connection to people and our environment, in every single moment, then we can cope with whatever life dishes out to us - and remain - still, peaceful and happy to be alive.

Are you at that perfect state of mind right now, in this very moment? If not, what are you focusing on from the past or the future that is bogging you down. Return to this very moment, right here, right now. Read these words and fill your heart with gratitude for being alive, on this earth, at this moment in time. Life is truly precious. It can terminate in one instant. Enjoy whatever there is to enjoy in your present moment.

If you are having difficulty maintaining that perfect state of mind, that focus on the present moment, maybe you would consider reaching out for some one-onp-one counseling. Two heads can be better than one to remind you about returning to the present moment and reinstating the joy in your heart and the peacefulness in your mind.

Are you ready to really change your life? Are you tired of complaining, feeling sad, getting tired and lethargic from stress and pressure, going into deeper states of anxiety, panic, depression, anger, rage, frustration or other painful and debilitating emotions?

The first step toward change is realizing that your life is not the way you would like it to be? You are not feeling happy. You live with anxiety and fear that appears to have no immediate cause. Perhaps you have sudden panic attacks and feel as if you may be going crazy. Or maybe you feel great for awhile then suddenly find yourself crying, or raging, for no apparent reason.

Once you realize that something is wrong, what can you do to change it? Well, the mind is a funny thing. It seems to go on these repetitive tracks, like a broken record, deepening the memory groove every time you think negative thoughts and feel one of your habitual negative emotional states.

Since your own mind cannot help but continue in its habitual thinking patterns, you need an outside influence to break the groove. That is where an experienced psychotherapist, like myself, can help. I can listen as you tell your habitual story. Then I can repeat your story back to you, adding my own perspective, allowing your mind to include a new way of viewing your life situations.

The second step to change comes when your old way of thinking becomes jarbled, confused, no longer such a rigid, organized grooved pathway. The new grooves have not yet developed, so your mind is in limbo. That is when it is open to new possibilities, new ways of thinking, new beliefs, the potential to feel emotions that have been suppressed for some time. For awhile you may dredge up some pretty heavy, seemingly negative sensations and emotions, in order to bring them to the surface and let them go.

The third step to change is when your old ways of thinking are dissolving, your old buried emotions have emerged and expressed themselves, and your mind is beginning to accept new possibilities for living. Now, everything you read, everything people say to you, and every movie, video or TV program you watch, takes on new meaning. Now, you feel empathy for people who hurt, you feel frustration with people who don't express their true feelings, you feel love for those who are open and caring. But most of all, you feel compassion, love and respect for your own self and for those who are closest to you.

The fourth step is putting your new thought processes into action, that is, living up to your new way of thinking. This process does not happen overnight. You are learning new thinking patterns and developing new ways of being in the world. Practice makes perfect, just as it does in learning any new activity, learning a new language, learning a new sport acitivity, handling a new computer program.

The fifth step is acknowledging where you are now, recognizing the new skills you have incorporated into your lifestyle, re-evaluating the way you would like your life to be, and beginning the process of change all over again. But change gets easier with practice and with success. Each success leads to more confidence and faith in future success.

So what did you say you would like to change? Do you have the courage to take a chance on yourself, to do what it takes to create the life you truly want? I'm here to help you. Reach out when you are ready. It will be the best decision you have ever made.

DrErica@DrEricaWellness.com