Why Offering Toddlers Choices Is Important

Making Choices Is Important
One of the best ways to build up a sense of independence is to make choices. When we make our own choices we feel a sense of control. With frequent opportunities to make our own decisions we begin to think of ourselves as in power of at least parts of our lives.

That growing sense of control reduces the child’s need to try to gain control in pessimistic ways. But those choices must be authentic.

Kids can become overwhelmed by too many options. Hence, choices need to be limited. If kids learn to live with their decisions when they are small, and if they are given many, many opportunities to make choices as they are growing up, then it is more likely that they will be able to make wise decisions when they are grown-up, when the consequences can bring consequences much more serious than apple or banana. Practice can improve decision-making ability just as it can improve reading ability.

What are Authentic Choices?
An authentic choice is real. According to nursery teacher training playtime is a perfect chance to offer kids choices about what they will do, for how long, and with whom. Teachers who offer kids the options of working in blocks, paint, puzzles, or dramatic play are taking advantage of using developmentally appropriate curriculum to build emotional competence. When teachers do not set limits on which centers kids must visit or how long they must work in any given center, they feel the freedom to decide for themselves. The child experiences the satisfaction of making a decision that has real consequences for his life.

Can Parents Help Their Kids Become Good Decision Makers?
The three major parenting styles are labeled authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. According to teacher training course many factors have been associated with personality development; it appears that the characteristic pattern of interaction between parent and child plays an important role. Each parenting style seems to be associated with particular behavior patterns in kids. While it would be frivolous to assume that the parent’s general manner of interaction is the only factor in personality development, it does play a major role. As we look at the three parenting styles we can see the importance of offering kids choices.

Authoritarian
The authoritarian style is exemplified by the adult focus on control. The authoritarian parent sets high standards and demands compliance. There are high and rigid standards. Obedience is required. Kids raised by authoritarian parents tend to be distrustful, discontented, withdrawn, and have difficulty making wise decisions. Preschoolers with authoritarian parents tend to lack self-control and resist adult efforts at correction.

Permissive
While the authoritarian style is adult-centered, the permissive style may be too child-centered. Permissive, indulgent parenting lacks standards and emphasizes self-expression. Parents may be warm and demonstrative, but they set so few guidelines that kids become anxious and lack self-assurance. Preschoolers with permissive parents tend to be particularly immature. They have difficulty following rules and seem to believe that rules apply to others, not to themselves. These kids may make unlimited choices, but without parameters and feedback.

Authoritative
The authoritative parenting style combines warmth with high standards. The adult assumes responsibility for ultimate control but shares decision-making. The child is invited to two-way communication. Interaction may be characterized by respect, negotiation, and reasoning. Rather than relying on harsh punishment, the authoritative adult sets high expectations that are realistic for the child and explains that it is necessary to make wrongs right again – perhaps allowing for the natural consequences of an act to play out. Standards are realistic. Rules are consistently enforced. Parents blend control with encouragement. Realistic and limited choices are offered. Then the child’s decisions are respected. The child is required to live with the consequences of her decisions.

Do Choices Undermine Adult Authority?
Certainly kids need the assurance that adults can be trusted to make decisions that will keep them safe and secure. It is the adult who determines which choices are safe and wise to offer the child. The adult maintains the ultimate responsibility, but relinquishes some of the decision-making power to kids at appropriate times. Adults need to be aware that when they offer kids authentic, appropriate choices they are contributing to the child’s positive personality development.

Conclusion
As teachers and caregivers interact with kids in their charge, they are impacting the child’s developing sense of autonomy. By providing kids with the opportunities to make choices and live with the results of their choices, all adults can help kids to become wise decision-makers.