Why Are You Still Single?

Why Are You Still Single Jo"?

I can still remember cringing at being asked that question by well meaning friends and family members and my response really depended on my hormones and how I felt about being single at the time.

For the most part, those that know and love us, ask from good intentions. They think we are just awesome and can’t understand why we are still single but it can still feel as if we are being told there must be something wrong with us.

I found this was reflected in business as well. I was single and running workshops and coaching sessions for singles and was regularly asked if I had met anyone yet. Understandably, attendants and clients wanted to see evidence that the principles I was teaching were working for me. I did wonder many times if I was qualified to talk about dating preparation when I was still single but this was my opportunity to educate my audience about the process.

You see, I may have been single while presenting myself as a ‘relationship expert’ but I knew that the principles WERE producing results in my life but they were quiet results. They could not be seen by looking at me because the changes were occurring internally. In my twenties, I was broken and making poor choices but now standing in front of them as a woman in her forties, I was a happier, wiser and, most importantly, had broken the cycle of being in destructive dead end relationships. Sadly, in life, we get caught up with thinking that unless we see immediate results, there must be something wrong, but changes must occur internally before they manifest in our circumstances.

Now that I have found my perfect match, unfortunately, it has not always been met with a positive response from other singles. For some, my success now seems to disqualify me because I am a ‘couple’ or they doubt themselves and say that its okay for me to have that kind of ‘luck’ but it’s not going to be the same for them. Despite these doubts, I know that I was, and still do, teach the gold and that is, who I am becoming is far more important than finding the perfect match.

Due to my poor history of love, I knew that if I ever stood a future chance of finding the right one, it was my daily decisions to become a whole person and, like it or not, internal change is required if we are stuck and not getting the results we want. To be honest, that may mean taking the question off our well meaning friends and family and asking ourselves why we are still single, not because there is something wrong with us but because we don't have all the answers. I always discovered an answer that thrust me forward into readiness to meet my perfect match. I uncovered layers of unconscious commitments to being single such as fearing intimacy, rejection, losing my autonomy or just seeing more benefits to remaining single. These kinds of answers are far more painful to admit than saying it is because of our circumstances or lack of matches but WOW are they far more rewarding.

Bottom line, the more whole I became, the more I attracted the right kind of people to get to know which put me in the right place to meet my husband and if it worked for me, why would it not work for you?

Today, while you celebrate your life as a single, don’t forget to see if you have made some unconscious commitments to be single. Love yourself enough to dig deep and be curious to find out whether or not you are stopping yourself and use any new information to make new internal choices that will reap a future reward.