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Articles from Darlene Lancer | Selfgrowth.com
- Are You in Control? - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerWhere is your power center? Is it in you or in other people or circumstances? Paradoxically, controlling people often believe that they don’t have control over their lives or even themselves. Control is important to codependents. Many attempt to control what they can’t – other people – rather ...
Views: 5006(3 votes) - How to Spot Emotional Unavailability - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2012 from Darlene LancerIf you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to ...
Views: 2606(7 votes) - Dilemmas of Codependent Men - by Submitted on May 26, 2012 from Darlene LancerThe dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about. Unlike women, men don’t discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Instead, they internalize their pain. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, or become numb to their needs and feelings. They shun attention and try to do the ...
Views: 3334(2 votes) - To Trust or Mistrust - Part I - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2012 from Darlene LancerMany people claim that they trust others until they have reason not to, but when you first meet someone, you don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell you. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what ...
Views: 2544(2 votes) - Rebuilding Trust - Part II - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2012 from Darlene LancerSatisfying relationships are built on a foundation of safety and trust that you won’t be hurt physically or emotionally. Whether you trust too little or too much is influenced by your past, but once trust is broken, your sense of safety is in jeopardy. You feel insecure and may begin to question ...
Views: 2465(2 votes) - Codependent Problems in Relationships - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerEveryone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans, both in and out of relationships. I know. I spent decades recovering. There are all types of codependents, including ...
Views: 2756(2 votes) - Codependents are the Majority! - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerThe term codependency has been around for almost four decades. Although it originally applied to spouses of alcoholics, first called co-alcoholics, research revealed that the characteristics of codependents were much more prevalent in the general population than had been imagined. In fact, they ...
Views: 2359(4 votes) - The Truth about Abusive Relationships - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerOver three million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year, and that includes men as well as women. One-fourth of U.S. women and one-third of women worldwide will experience violence in her lifetime. What isn’t talked about, but is serious, is emotional abuse that ranges from ...
Views: 1784(2 votes) - 5 Tips on How to Keep New Year's Resolutions - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2013 from Darlene LancerWhy bother to make resolutions and then feel disappointed or guilty for breaking them? Do you get excited and resolve to change, but within days or weeks lose interest and can’t motivate yourself? Wonder why you get sidetracked by distractions or become easily discouraged when quick results ...
Views: 2403(3 votes) - Christmas Blues? Tips to Cope with the Holidays - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerThe stress of the holidays triggers sadness and depression for many people. This time of year is especially difficult because there’s an expectation of feeling merry and generous. People compare their emotions to what they assume others are experiencing or what they’re supposed to feel and then ...
Views: 1766(2 votes) - Your Intimacy Index - How to Improve Your Intimacy - by Submitted on Nov 25, 2011 from Darlene LancerThere’s a lot of confusion about intimacy, what it really is, and how to make it happen. There’re couples married decades who can be physically close, but don’t know how to be emotionally intimate. The word intimate refers to your private and essential being. Usually people think it means ...
Views: 1583(3 votes) - Your Intimacy Index - How to Improve Your Intimacy - by Submitted on Nov 25, 2011 from Darlene LancerThere’s a lot of confusion about intimacy, what it really is, and how to make it happen. There’re couples married decades who can be physically close, but don’t know how to be emotionally intimate. The word intimate refers to your private and essential being. Usually people think it means ...
Views: 1288(2 votes) - The Do's and Don'ts of Divorce - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2011 from Darlene LancerMany divorces go along smoothly, but when problems occur, they usually reflect the dynamics that didn’t work in the marriage – only made worse, because divorce is one of the biggest crises you may go through. Emotions, especially fear and anger, are at their peak.There are definite pitfalls to ...
Views: 1459(3 votes) - Do You Love a Narcissist? - by Submitted on Sep 15, 2011 from Darlene LancerIt’s easy to fall in love with narcissists. Their charm, talent, success, beauty, and charisma cast a spell, along with compliments, scintillating conversation, and even apparent interest in you. Perhaps you were embarrassed when your mate cut in front of the line or shuddered at the dismissive ...
Views: 2995(2 votes) - Your Primary Spiritual Relationship - Loving Yourself - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2011 from Darlene LancerPopular culture is focused on attracting love, yet you’ll only be able to receive as much love as you give to yourself. You’ll deflect or guard love that doesn’t resonate with you – like a compliment you don’t believe. The opposite is also true. You’ll allow others to abuse you a bit less than ...
Views: 3532(3 votes) - Maria Shriver: Hold Your Head High - by Submitted on May 20, 2011 from Darlene LancerIt's must be cellular that a woman automatically feels humiliated when her man cheats. Maria has done nothing to be ashamed of. Too often, women feel embarrassed for their husbands' behavior, whether it's domestic violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, gambling, or sex addiction, ...
Views: 1609(2 votes) - Is Your Family Dysfunctional? - by Submitted on May 06, 2011 from Darlene LancerProbably, and you’re in the majority. The term “dysfunctional family,” once used only by professionals, has become popular jargon in America where dysfunctional families are the norm due to cultural values, a high divorce rate, and widespread addictions – from prescription drugs to exercising, ...
Views: 1542(3 votes) - 6 Keys to Assertive Communication - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2011 from Darlene LancerCommunication is so important that it can make or break a relationship, is critical to success, and instantly reflects your self-esteem to listeners – for better or for worse. Assertive communication commands respect, projects confidence, and inspires influence. It's respectful, direct, honest, ...
Views: 2902(3 votes) - COUPLES COUNSELING - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2011 from Darlene LancerIt's very important that couples seek therapy early on, while there is still good will between them. Like with any wound, the longer it festers, the more difficult is the healing process. When couples enter therapy to "save" their marriage from divorce, often one spouse has already left ...
Views: 1521(3 votes) - Breaking-Up: Should You Leave Or Can you get the Change You Want? - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2011 from Darlene LancerIs your relationship or marriage just, well, so-so? Maybe you’re not sure if you still love or ever loved your partner? Maybe he or she has many good traits – is kind, or generous, funny, or the sex is great. She’s gorgeous, or he showers you with kindness – but something is missing. Maybe your ...
Views: 1200(3 votes) - Emotional Abuse: Beneath Your Radar? - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2010 from Darlene LancerThere are three million cases of domestic violence reported each year. Many more go unreported. Emotional abuse precedes violence, but is rarely discussed. Although both men and women may abuse others, an enormous number of women are subjected to emotional abuse. Unfortunately, many don’t even ...
Views: 2933(3 votes) - Can Therapy Help You Change? - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2010 from Darlene LancerIs it possible to truly change? Does therapy help? Many people have turned their lives and fortunes around, while others spend years trying to change with or without therapy, but never seem to progress. What makes the difference? Certainly, there are skilled and unskilled psychotherapists. ...
Views: 1940(2 votes) - Is Your Heart Committed? Is His? - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2010 from Darlene LancerWomen, in particular, are looking for commitment. Hollywood, the media, and dating websites all focus on getting a marriage proposal. The art of seduction pre-dates expert Cleopatra. Dozens of books have been written about getting an unavailable man to say, “I do.” For six years, Carrie Bradshaw ...
Views: 1501(1 vote) - Are You Stuck in a Woman’s Role? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2010 from Darlene LancerWomen assume many roles throughout their lives – as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers. Women’s roles have been largely determined by the rules and expectations of culture, religion, and the patriarchy, as well as biology. Have you considered to what extent your roles have ...
Views: 1706(3 votes) - Dreams: The Doorway to Your Soul - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2010 from Darlene LancerDreams are the “Royal Road to the Unconscious,” said Freud. What you don’t know controls you. Your unconscious beliefs, fears, motives, and desires can thwart your goals, your health, and relationships. By understanding and learning to trust the messages in your dreams, you are communicating ...
Views: 2227(1 vote) - BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-RESPONSIBILITY, AND SELF-EFFICACY - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2010 from Darlene LancerSelf-responsibility both reflects and generates self-esteem. People with high self-esteem feel that they are in charge of their lives. They have a sense of agency and self-efficacy. They take responsibility for their feelings, actions, and lives. It also means that you take responsibility for ...
Views: 2923(5 votes) - SEX AS MEDITATION - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2010 from Darlene LancerAll the times you’re disinterested in sex or just too tired, consider this: Sex doesn’t have to be about orgasm. Wrote Thoreau, “We need pray for no higher heaven than the pure senses can furnish, a purely sensuous life.” (The Writings of Henry David Thoreau, 1906). Yes, through lovemaking, ...
Views: 2535(1 vote) - PARENTING AFTER DIVORCE - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerChildren intuitively know that there are problems in a marriage, sometimes despite their parents' best efforts to hide them. They may even believe divorce is a welcome relief from their parents' hot or cold war. However, they do not share their parents' need to separate, but on the contrary, ...
Views: 2188(4 votes) - PARENTING GUIDELINES AFTER DIVORCE - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene Lancer1. Tell your children the truth, with simple explanations. Tell them where the other parent is. 2. Don’t bring up grievances or speaking derogatorily about the other parent to or in front of your children. 3. Don't discuss financial, legal or other disputes with your children. 4. Don’t ...
Views: 1390(3 votes) - LOSSES OF DIVORCE: LETTING GO and MOVING ON - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerEven if you wanted the divorce, it entails loss. Aside from the ending of the relationship with your spouse, you may be losing your home, time with your children, in-laws, extended family, and even friends. There are inevitable financial losses, loneliness, a change of lifestyle, imagined ...
Views: 1993(1 vote) - RECOVERY IN THE TWELVE STEPS - A SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2010 from Darlene LancerMany mental health professionals do not understand the 12-Step recovery process, unless they have participated in a 12-Step program. Although they may encourage their clients to do so, they may feel perplexed or intimated, or act patronizing. Often, therapists don’t realize that the 12-Steps are ...
Views: 4281(1 vote) - CAESAREAN BiRTHS - ARE WOMEN TOLD THE TRUTH? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2010 from Darlene LancerCaesarian sections in the U.S. hit a record high for the eleventh year in a row - averaging about one-third of births nationally, up from 26 percent in 2002 and 5 percent in 1970. The rate is 36 percent in New York (45 percent at Albany Medical Center) and 39 percent in Florida (50 percent in ...
Views: 1665(2 votes) - SELF-CRITICISM - SELF-ESTEEM'S SABOTEUR - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerWomen are notorious at finding fault with themselves. A Dove study last year found that over 40 percent of women are unhappy with their looks, and over two-thirds suffer low confidence about their bodies. Many blamed the airbrushed, ideal models for setting unrealistic, unattainable standards. ...
Views: 1451(2 votes) - Women's Self-Esteem For Stress Reduction, Balance, and Autonomy - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerIn working with women for decades, I've found that self-esteem is the common denominator of many women's issues. With better self-esteem, women are more able to find balance, handle stress, and claim their autonomy. Universally, women are considered inferior to men, and although our culture ...
Views: 2184(2 votes) - Self-Esteem: Why It Matters - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2010 from Darlene LancerMost women suffer from lack of self-confidence, even despite greater job and educational opportunities than ever before. Lack of self-esteem starts as early as nine years old for girls and steadily worsens in adolescence, even if they excel in school. Self-confidence is a manifestation of ...
Views: 1746(1 vote) - Depression and Women - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2010 from Darlene LancerLast year, a study reported that despite the improvement in women's lives, their happiness relative to men has declined since the '70s, when the reverse was true. This held true across racial and socio-economic lines in several industrialized countries. Women's happiness also declines with age. ...
Views: 1780(1 vote) - DIVORCE: A TRANSFORMATION PROCESS - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerThe emotional unbonding that can occur during divorce is the cornerstone for transformation and is my focus. The task of emotional separation involves unbonding romantic and dependent aspects of the relationship, and mourning. This is the stage where growth and transformation unfold. It includes ...
Views: 1773(1 vote) - The Stages of Divorce - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerDivorce ranks just above death in severity of stress and is often combined with other stressors, such as marital discord, serious financial problems, a move, single parenting, multiple losses and litigation, all at once. It's a life cycle crisis that presents a crucial period of increased ...
Views: 1512(3 votes) - Are You Codependent? - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerDo you wonder if you are Codependent? Do you regularly sacrifice your opinions, needs or wants, and then feel resentful? Do you feel guilty saying no and resentful when you don’t? Are you controlled by, or try to control someone else, whom your thoughts and feelings revolve around, as in the ...
Views: 2558(2 votes) - The Dance of Intimacy - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2010 from Darlene LancerThe relationship duet is the dance of intimacy all couples do. One partner moves in, the other backs-up. Partners may reverse roles, but always maintain a certain space between them. The unspoken agreement is that the Pursuer chase the Distancer forever, but never catch-up, and that the ...
Views: 7450(3 votes) - Growing Through Divorce - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Darlene LancerDivorce is a process of separation and transformation - a process that long precedes the dissolution decree. It is important to understand its stages, the cognitive, emotional, physical, legal and spiritual, which, if worked through, can substantially lessen the painful aftermath. ...
Views: 3958(1 vote) - Interrupting the Cycle of Chronic Pain - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Darlene LancerIf you suffer from chronic pain, you are not alone. Millions of Americans seek treatment for chronic pain, pain that continues for more than six months. Chronic pain is no longer viewed as a symptom, but as an illness in itself. Things we take for granted, such as eating, sleeping, dressing, ...
Views: 3690(2 votes) - Light My Fire: Transformation Through the Chakras - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Darlene LancerThe creative life force sleeps within each of us like a coiled serpent, waiting to be unleashed to evolve mankind to the next level. Ancient Tantric practices awaken this energy, called kundalini, using the body, breath, sound, and visualizations to speed its journey to God realization. Man ...
Views: 2906(2 votes) - Sexualty and Spirituality - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Darlene LancerThe Sexual Revolution, a la "Playboy", now behind us, as well as the Victorian attitudes which it rejected, perhaps we are ready for a new conception of sexuality, one not dividing, but embracing, both body and spirit. With few exceptions, such as the Tantric tradition, for centuries both ...
Views: 3065(1 vote) - Relationship as a Spiritual Path - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Darlene LancerWhat makes us "spiritual" beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from "spiritus," meaning vitality or the breath of life. When we are connected to that force, like an electric charge, our soul awakes; the more we stay connected to that energy, the stronger and more alive is our soul. ...
Views: 1684(1 vote)
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