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Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- Do Narcissists Have Friends? - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Do narcissists have friends? Answer: Not in the usual sense of the word and not that they know of. The narcissist is one track minded. He is interested in securing the provision of Narcissistic Supply emanating from Narcissistic Supply Sources. His world is as narrow as an ant's, to ...
Views: 24508(2 votes) - Narcissistic Injury, Narcissistic Wound, and Narcissistic Scar - by Submitted on May 25, 2009 from Sam VakninNarcissistic Injury An occasional or circumstantial threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack ...
Views: 13237 - The Somatic and the Cerebral Narcissist - by Submitted on Jan 26, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage? Answer: Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question. Sex for the narcissist is ...
Views: 11758 - Narcissistic Mothers and Their Children - by Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Sam VakninInterview granted to Samantha Cleaver for YourTango.com Q. What are some common ways that a mother's narcissism can affect her daughter's relationships? A. Depends on how narcissistic the mother is. Narcissistic parents fail to recognize and accept the personal autonomy and boundaries of ...
Views: 9735(4 votes) - Sadistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 23, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Sadistic Personality Disorder made its last appearance in the DSM III-TR and was removed from the DSM IV and from its text revision, the DSM IV-TR. Some scholars, notably Theodore Millon, regard its removal as a mistake and lobby for its reinstatement in future editions of the DSM. The ...
Views: 9648(1 vote) - Do Narcissists Have Emotions? - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2009 from Sam VakninOf course they do. All humans have emotions. It is how we choose to relate to our emotions that matters. The narcissist tends to repress them so deeply that, for all practical purposes, they play no conscious role in his life and conduct, though they play an extraordinarily large unconscious ...
Views: 8975(2 votes) - The Narcissistic Stalker - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2008 from Sam Vaknin"Such a one (the narcissist – SV) is encased, is he not, in an armour – such an armour! The armour of the crusaders was nothing to it – an armour of arrogance, of pride, of complete self-esteem. This armour, it is in some ways a protection, the arrows, the everyday arrows of life glance off it. ...
Views: 8451 - The Stable and Unstable Narcissist - by Submitted on Mar 04, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Is the narcissist characterised by simultaneous instabilities in all the important aspects of his life? Answer: The narcissist is a person who derives his Ego (and Ego functions) from other people's reactions to an image he invents and projects, called the False Self (Narcissistic ...
Views: 7278 - Why Do We Love Sports? - by Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Sam VakninThe love of - nay, addiction to - competitive and solitary sports cuts across all social-economic strata and throughout all the demographics. Whether as a passive consumer (spectator), a fan, or as a participant and practitioner, everyone enjoys one form of sport or another. Wherefrom this ...
Views: 7231(2 votes) - The Spouse / Mate / Partner Of The Narcissist - by Submitted on May 05, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What kind of a spouse/mate/partner is likely to be attracted to a narcissist? Answer: The Victims On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically "binds" with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation ...
Views: 6600 - Narcissistic Blame Game - The Guilt of Others - by Submitted on Jul 28, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Am I to blame for my husband's/child's/parent's mental state and behaviour? Is there anything that I can or should do to help him or to reach him? Answer: Self-flagellation is a characteristic of those who choose to live with a narcissist (for a choice it is). Constant feelings of ...
Views: 6341 - A Typology of Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Sam VakninTypology of Codependents Codependence is a complex, multi-faceted, and multi-dimensional defence against the codependent's fears and needs. There are four categories of codependence, stemming from their respective aetiologies: (i) Codependence that aims to fend of anxieties related to ...
Views: 5858(3 votes) - The Narcissist’s Reaction to Deficient Narcissistic Supply - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: How does the narcissist react when he fails to obtain enough Narcissistic Supply? Answer: Very much as a drug addict would react to the absence of his particular drug. The narcissist constantly consumes (really, preys upon) adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention and ...
Views: 5430 - Shame, Narcissism, And A Meaningful Life - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2008 from Sam VakninWe all have a scenario of our life. We invent, adopt, are led by and measure ourselves against our personal narratives. These are, normally, commensurate with our personal histories, our predilections, our abilities, limitations, and our skills. We are not likely to invent a narrative which is ...
Views: 5420 - An Overview of the Narcissist - by Submitted on Apr 22, 2008 from Sam VakninTherapy, in most cases, cannot cure the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), only mitigate and ameliorate the condition by modifying some of the narcissist's behaviours. Only narcissists, who go through a severe life crisis, tend to consider the possibility of therapy at all. When they ...
Views: 5232 - The Narcissist's False Modesty - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: I met many narcissists who are modest – even self-effacing. This seems to conflict with your observations. How do you reconcile the two? Answer: The "modesty" displayed by narcissists is false. It is mostly and merely verbal. It is couched in flourishing phrases, emphasised to ...
Views: 5217 - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) - Pros and Cons - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, fourth edition, text revision [American Psychiatric Association. DSM-IV-TR, Washington, 2000] - or the DSM-IV-TR for short - describes Axis II personality disorders as "deeply ingrained, maladaptive, lifelong behavior patterns". But the classificatory model ...
Views: 4850 - Female Narcissists - Gender and the Narcissist - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Are female narcissists any different? You seem to talk only about male narcissists! Answer: I keep using the male third person singular because most narcissists (75%) are males and more so because there is little difference between the male and female narcissists. In the ...
Views: 4836 - Masochistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 24, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Masochistic personality disorder made its last appearance in the DSM III-TR and was removed from the DSM IV and from its text revision, the DSM IV-TR. Some scholars, notably Theodore Millon, regard its removal as a mistake and lobby for its reinstatement in future editions of the DSM. The ...
Views: 4435 - The Psychopathic (Antisocial) Stalker - by Submitted on Mar 17, 2008 from Sam VakninStalking is a crime and stalkers are criminals. This simple truth is often ignored by mental health practitioners, by law enforcement agencies, and by the media. The horrid consequences of stalking are typically underestimated and stalkers are mocked as eccentric and lonely weirdoes. Yet, ...
Views: 4287 - The Narcissist's Addiction To Fame And Celebrity - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Are Narcissists addicted to being famous? Answer: You bet. This, by far, is their predominant drive. Being famous encompasses a few important functions: it endows the narcissist with power, provides him with a constant Source of Narcissistic Supply (admiration, adoration, approval, ...
Views: 4061(2 votes) - Why Do We Love Pets?Submitted on Nov 05, 2009 from Sam VakninThe presence of pets activates in us two primitive psychological defense mechanisms: projection and narcissism. Projection is a defense mechanism intended to cope with internal or external stressors and emotional conflict by attributing to another person or object (such as a pet) - usually ...
Views: 3782(2 votes) - Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) - by Submitted on May 22, 2007 from Sam VakninObsessions and compulsions are about control of self (mental) and others (interpersonal). People with the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) are concerned (worried and anxious) about maintaining control and about being seen to be maintaining it. In other words, they are also ...
Views: 3736 - Depression and the Narcissist - by Submitted on Jun 24, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: My husband is a narcissist and is constantly depressed. Is there any connection between these two problems? Answer: Assuming that these are clinically established facts, there is no necessary connection between them. In other words, there is no proven high correlation between ...
Views: 3403 - Psychological Signs and Symptoms - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2007 from Sam VakninThe first encounter between psychiatrist or therapist and patient (or client) is multi-phased. The mental health practitioner notes the patient's history and administers or prescribes a physical examination to rule out certain medical conditions. Armed with the results, the diagnostician now ...
Views: 3356 - The Histrionic Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with Marsha, female, 56, diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder Marsha visibly resents the fact that I have had to pay attention to another patient (an emergency) "at her expense" as she puts it. She pouts and bats suspiciously long eyelashes at me: "Has ...
Views: 3187 - The Compulsive Acts of a Narcissist - by Submitted on Feb 09, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Are there compulsive acts unique to the narcissist? Answer: The short and the long of it is No. In general, there is a strong compulsive strand in the narcissist's behaviour. He is driven to exorcise internal demons by means of ritualistic acts. The narcissist's very pursuit of ...
Views: 3159 - The Narcissist's Multiple Grandiosity - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Is the narcissist confined in his grandiose fantasies to one subject? Answer: This apparently simple question is more complex than it sounds. The narcissist is bound to make use of his more pronounced traits and qualities in both the design of his False Self and the extraction of ...
Views: 3049 - The Narcissist's Grandiose Fantasies - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What happens to a narcissist who lacks even the basic potential and skills to realise some of his grandiose fantasies? Answer: Such a narcissist resorts to deferred Narcissistic Supply which generates an effect of deferred grandiosity. He forgoes his grandiose schemes and gives up ...
Views: 3009 - The Obsessive-Compulsive Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of therapy session with Magda, female, 58, diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) Magda is distressed when I reschedule our appointment. "But we always meet on Wednesdays!" - she pleads, ignoring my detailed explanations and my apologies. She is evidently anxious ...
Views: 2985 - Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What are the effects that narcissistic parents have on their offspring? Answer: At the risk of over-simplification: narcissism tends to breed narcissism - but only a minority of the children of narcissistic parents become narcissists. This may be due to a genetic predisposition or ...
Views: 2924 - Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist? Why is he always on a lookout for new victims? Is he lying or is he telling the truth when he says that he "wants to get laid" by one and all? If he is not suicidal, is he not afraid of AIDS? Answer: Research failed to find any ...
Views: 2789 - The Erotomaniac Stalker - by Submitted on Mar 10, 2008 from Sam VakninThis kind of stalker believes that he is in love with you. To show his keen interest, he keeps calling you, dropping by, writing e-mails, doing unsolicited errands "on your behalf", talking to your friends, co-workers, and family, and, in general, making himself available at all times. The ...
Views: 2711 - Can the Narcissist Help Himself? - by Submitted on Feb 19, 2009 from Sam VakninIn the book describing the fabulous tales of Baron Munchhausen, there is a story about how the legendary nobleman succeeded to pull himself out of a quicksand marsh – by his own hair. Such a miracle is not likely to recur. Narcissists cannot cure themselves any more than other mental patients ...
Views: 2707 - The Schizoid Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with Mark, male, 36, diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder Mark sits where instructed, erect but listless. When I ask him how he feels about attending therapy, he shrugs and mumbles "OK, I guess". He rarely twitches or flexes his muscles or in any way ...
Views: 2661 - The Schizotypal Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with El-Or (real name: George), male, 22, diagnosed with Schizotypal Personality Disorder El-Or's real name is George. He changed it as a result of an epiphany he experienced at the tender age of 9 when he encountered an alien spaceship in his back yard and "in ...
Views: 2527 - How to Cope with a Narcissist? - by Submitted on Apr 29, 2008 from Sam VakninNo one should feel responsible for the narcissist's predicament. To him, others hardly exist – so enmeshed he is in himself and in the resulting misery of this very self-preoccupation. Others are objects on which he projects his wrath, rage, suppressed and mutating aggression and, finally, ...
Views: 2507 - The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2007 from Sam VakninIt is telling that precious few psychology and psychopathology textbooks dedicate an entire chapter to abuse and violence. Even the most egregious manifestations – such as child sexual abuse – merit a fleeting mention, usually as a sub-chapter in a larger section dedicated to paraphilias or ...
Views: 2457 - Self Love and Narcissism - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What is the difference between self-love and narcissism and how does it affect the capacity to love others? Answer: There are two differences between healthy self-love and pathological narcissism: (a) in the ability to tell reality from fantasy, and (b) in the ability to empathise ...
Views: 2422 - The Narcissist And Psychopath Getting Better - by Submitted on May 22, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Can a narcissist ever get better and, if not, how should his partner end a relationship with him? Answer: The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a systemic, all-pervasive condition, very much like pregnancy: either you have it or you don't. Once you have it, you have it day and ...
Views: 2393 - Is The Narcissist Ever Sorry? - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Doesn't the narcissist ever feel sorry for his "victims"? Answer: The narcissist always feels "bad". He experiences all manner of depressive episodes and lesser dysphoric moods. He goes through a full panoply of mood disorders and anxiety disorders. He experiences panic from time to ...
Views: 2383 - The Narcissist and His Family - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2008 from Sam VakninWe are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception. The narcissist has ...
Views: 2363 - Avoidant Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2007 from Sam VakninPeople suffering from the Avoidant Personality Disorder feel inadequate, unworthy, inferior, and lacking in self-confidence. As a result, they are shy and socially inhibited. Aware of their real (and, often, imagined) shortcomings, they are constantly on the lookout, are hypervigilant and ...
Views: 2245 - Ambient Abuse - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2007 from Sam VakninAmbient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates everything – but is difficult to pinpoint and identify. It is ambiguous, atmospheric, diffuse. Hence ...
Views: 2240 - A Classification of Abusive Behaviors - by Submitted on May 13, 2009 from Sam VakninAbusive conduct is not a uniform, homogeneous phenomenon. It stems and emanates from multiples sources and manifests in a myriad ways. Following are a few useful distinctions which pertain to abuse and could serve as organizing, taxonomical principles (dimensional typologies) in a kind of ...
Views: 2220 - Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 30, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study." Some people are perennial pessimists and have ...
Views: 2216 - Exploitation by a Narcissist - by Submitted on May 06, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: In his drive for Narcissistic Supply, would the narcissist be callous enough to exploit the tragedy of others, if this were to secure him a new Supply Source? Answer: Yes. I compare Narcissistic Supply to drugs because of the almost involuntary and always-unrestrained nature of the ...
Views: 2099 - The Hateful Patient - Difficult Patients in Psychotherapy - by Submitted on Jun 14, 2007 from Sam VakninIn 1978, a medical doctor by the name of J.E. Groves published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine an article titled "Taking Care of the Hateful Patient". In it he admitted that patients with personality disorders often evoke in their physicians dislike or even outright hatred. ...
Views: 1840 - Your Abuser In Therapy - by Submitted on Jan 08, 2008 from Sam VakninYour abuser "agrees" (is forced) to attend therapy. But are the sessions worth the effort? What is the success rate of various treatment modalities in modifying the abuser's conduct, let alone in "healing" or "curing" him? Is psychotherapy the panacea it is often made out to be – or a nostrum, ...
Views: 1806 - Narcissists In Positions Of Authority - by Submitted on May 19, 2008 from Sam Vaknin"He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province; nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city; nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village; nor he a village, that cannot guide a family; nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to ...
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