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Articles from Tina Tessina | Selfgrowth.com
- Dr. Romance: Detox Your Life - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2011 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you’re feeling sluggish, it’s also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on ...
Views: 987 - Dr. Romance: It’s a Dirty Job - by Submitted on Jun 04, 2021 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Richard and I have been married since 1982 It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s definitely been worth it. In the first year of our marriage, after a difficult struggle between us, I gave my husband a card. On the front it said, "I love you", many times, and inside ...
Views: 597 - Dr. Romance: Married, Different Shifts - How to Stay In Touch When You Barely See Each Other - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2013 from Tina TessinaIn this tougher economy, couples are finding it necessary to take the jobs they can get, and that means more couples work different shifts. If one of you works a “graveyard shift” or rotating shift job that limits your time together; the difference in your shifts and commutes may mean you ...
Views: 1685 - Dr. Romance: On Having a New Baby When You Have Stepchildren - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2020 from Tina TessinaYou and your new spouse are over the moon about having a baby, but the children from your previous marriage are acting strange and upset or distant. What's wrong, and how do you fix it? Tina B. Tessina, PhD, "Dr. Romance" licensed psychotherapist and author, gives you steps ...
Views: 692 - Dr. Romance: Peace Begins at Home - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: There is so much unrest in the world today: we are still in two wars, terrorism seems to be endemic worldwide, and domestic violence still dominates the news. We still need to heed the old bumper sticker: TEACH PEACE. The more current one on my car says “Peace is ...
Views: 1003 - Dr. Romance: Turn on Your Charm - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2017 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Ever wondered how con artists can get away with all they do? They know how to charm people, and they have mastered the art of looking as if they belong. Because they have no feelings of guilt about misrepresenting themselves, they can pull it off. But you ...
Views: 1065 - Dr. Romance: You Are a Gift - by Submitted on Mar 23, 2015 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Each of us is individual, special and different for a reason: You are a gift to the planet. Anthropology tells us we are different because we survive better that way – the recombining of genes in sexual reproduction makes us a stronger species than cloning would. However, ...
Views: 1149 - Dr. Romance’s 3 tips to finding true love - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2021 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance’s 3 tips to finding true love: 1. Know the difference between fooling around and building a real relationship. You can mess around with anyone (if you’re careful and have safe sex) but before you bring someone into your life, or share money or living space, remember they’re ...
Views: 525 - Dr.Romance on: Resolving Family Fights - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2019 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Often, the same quirks, reactions and behaviors that create problems between you and the other members of your family wouldn't be a problem if it was someone else's family. If your best friend's parent or sibling did the same thing, you'd probably let ...
Views: 795 - Emotions as Weather - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2014 from Tina TessinaAlthough most people in the country wouldn’t agree, we in Southern California have been having extreme weather conditions for us: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we’re so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call “real” ...
Views: 1392 - Fair Fight Guidelines - by Submitted on Mar 17, 2014 from Tina TessinaThirty years of marriage counseling and twenty-five years of a second marriage have convinced me that fights are not necessary in a marriage. Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don’t need to squabble, argue, ...
Views: 1483 - Family Violence Q&A - by Submitted on May 19, 2014 from Tina TessinaQ: My spouse and I often have arguments over the “small stuff.” How do we get past this so that we are not constantly bickering? A: I’ll bet neither of you would argue with your boss or work colleagues, or your children’s teachers the way you argue with ...
Views: 1420 - Friends With Benefits - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2014 from Tina TessinaIf you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. • If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, ...
Views: 1501 - From Struggling to Solving - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2014 from Tina TessinaHealthy relationships are built on a foundation, or infrastructure, of clear thinking, problem solving, and mutual support. Any willing couple can learn to build a happy relationship, if they stop reacting and learn to respond thoughtfully. As an individual you have ideas and beliefs about how ...
Views: 1495 - Getting Along With Each Other - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2015 from Tina TessinaIn 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when ...
Views: 1132 - Getting Out of Your Way - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2015 from Tina TessinaRecently, I wrote here about making the most of time. This month, I have been asked a lot about how people can overcome paralysis and self-sabotage, so I thought I’d pass on my ideas on the subject. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your yourself. In addition to not ...
Views: 1150 - Getting To Yes - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2014 from Tina TessinaThe average person pays more attention to what she’s saying or thinking about than what she is hearing, or how her words are “landing” on the other person. This self-involvement gets worse during an argument. You can become a much more effective communicator by using ...
Views: 1409 - Give Yourself a Gift - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2014 from Tina TessinaWant to give yourself a holiday gift that will last the rest of your life? Try giving yourself the gift of happiness. Research shows that happiness and satisfaction depend more on the inner person than on external circumstances. The secret to living a happy life is to get in charge of your life ...
Views: 1275 - Growing Up as an Adult - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2014 from Tina Tessina“Miracles do happen,” wrote Chaim Weizman , the first President of Israel “but one has to work very hard for them.” To grow up and out of a painful, dysfunctional past and all its leftovers—feelings, memories, pain, confusion, anger, fear, and persistent ...
Views: 1637 - Guidelines for Being Better Understood - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2014 from Tina Tessina1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing.... 3. Focus on the solution ...
Views: 1334 - Guidelines for Being Better Understood - by Submitted on Mar 23, 2015 from Tina Tessina1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is ...
Views: 1240 - Handling Anxiety Effectively - by Submitted on Aug 18, 2014 from Tina TessinaWe are all in a time of high stress, and national disasters often bring up fear. If these fears are not dealt with, they can lead to “acting out” behavior, such as drinking too much or creating relationship, work or money problems as a distraction. To avoid ...
Views: 1260 - Happy New Year from Dr. Romance! - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2015 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance on creating a Happy New Year Most of us are infused with good will and joy over the holidays, getting together with loved ones and friends, spreaking kindness, and being surrounded by reminders of holiday spirit. The holidays happen around this time of year for a ...
Views: 1323 - How Not to Fight-Myths about Fighting In Relationships, And What to Do About Them. - by Submitted on Oct 06, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it’s not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social ...
Views: 1519 - How to Avoid Financial Infidelity - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2014 from Tina TessinaThe most valuable thing in a long-term stable relationship is having a partnership, and most new couples don’t realize that money is a major factor in marital happiness. Money is one of the biggest generators of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples argue ...
Views: 1423 - How to Be Irresistible to Your Mate - by Submitted on Apr 13, 2014 from Tina TessinaOnce upon a time, In high school, I memorized a poem that has been a constant source of help and direction in my life and relationships. It’s simple and much more sentimental than today’s cynical age can handle, but the very simplicity of it made it a great navigational tool for me ...
Views: 1483 - How to Cope with the Loss of a Friend - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2014 from Tina TessinaI was recently sitting in my favorite coffee shop, and remembering my dear friend who used to meet me there and who died not long ago. As I get older, I’m experiencing more and more loss, and so are my friends of a similar age. Those of us who survive loss still have to “keep calm ...
Views: 1727 - How to Have Happier Holidays! - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2013 from Tina TessinaRichard and I just indulged in our favorite December tradition—we watched our favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge! the musical starring Albert Finney) which kick-starts our holiday spirit every year. No matter what you observe: Ramadan, Kwaanza, Chanukah, Solstice or Christmas, this is a ...
Views: 1369 - How to Have Happier Holidays! - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2014 from Tina TessinaRichard and I just indulged in our favorite December tradition—we watched our favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge! the musical starring Albert Finney) which kick-starts our holiday spirit every year. No matter what you observe: Ramadan, Kwaanza, Chanukah, Solstice or Christmas, ...
Views: 1196 - How To Write A Love Letter - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from Tina TessinaWriting has a powerful effect on our emotional state. The following exercise is designed to help you fully express feelings that may have lain dormant for a long time, or may be too intense and jumbled for your to process effectively. You’ll find it helpful in expressing what you feel, ...
Views: 1467 - Into Every Life - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2014 from Tina TessinaAs a parade went by, one of the horses pulling a float entry left a memento in the middle of the road, right in front of where we were watching from the sidewalk. From that point on, every band or group that came marching down the road marched bravely on, right through the pile of horse manure. ...
Views: 1449 - JEALOUSY, FAITHFULNESS AND DISTANCE - by Submitted on May 18, 2015 from Tina TessinaSo many couples are now separated part- or full-time because of military deployment and/or work travel and schedules, I get a lot of questions about faithfulness. Your marriage vows may have said, “'til death do us part” but no one said anything about what happens when a military ...
Views: 1280 - Keys to a Happy Relationship - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2014 from Tina TessinaEveryone wants the best relationship they can have. The markers of a happy relationship are: Cooperation/partnership, mutuality, laughter and affection. Whether you’re in a relationship now or hoping to be, these keys will help you create a more loving and happier partnership. ...
Views: 1451 - Kindness and Happiness - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2014 from Tina TessinaRecently, I went through very unpleasant and difficult dental work, and the outpouring of kindness I received—from my husband, who held onto my ankle all through the two and a half hours (and had nightmares that night about it) to my dear friends, who offered me support and encouragement to ...
Views: 1260 - Learning Forgiveness - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2015 from Tina TessinaLearning to forgive those who hurt us is an essential life skill, because it helps develop inner maturity, frees us from emotional bondage to the other person, and helps us develop the power to move on. Forgiveness begins with learning to forgive yourself for any damage you may ...
Views: 1572 - Lighten Up - Cures for Marital Boredom - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2014 from Tina TessinaThe old folk songs say it: Oh, love is handsome, love is fine Love is a jewel when it is new; ...
Views: 1218 - Living Outside the Box - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2014 from Tina TessinaI was speaking with a client today about his burn-out in his career. This is a man who’s been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box ...
Views: 1288 - Looking Backward, Looking Forward - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2015 from Tina TessinaHappy New Year! May you be filled with renewed energy for life, and the wisdom to put it to effective use. The month of January is named after the Roman god Janus—the god of beginnings and transitions. If you have seen depictions of him, you know he had two faces which ...
Views: 1232 - Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2014 from Tina TessinaResearch conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish and others shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible. Long-term friendships are wonderful and valuable, but if you don’t make ...
Views: 1659 - Merry Christmas from Dr. Romance! - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2014 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance wishes you Happy Holidays with a song lyric. A Holiday Toast To You lyric by Tina B. TessinaSparkling stars, twinkling lights,Shorter days, longer nightsBusy streets are tinseled and bright with Chanukah stars ...
Views: 0 - Merry Christmas from Dr. Romance! - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2014 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance wishes you Happy Holidays with a song lyric. A Holiday Toast To You lyric by Tina B. TessinaSparkling stars, twinkling lights,Shorter days, longer nightsBusy streets are tinseled and bright with Chanukah stars ...
Views: 1943 - Mirrors and Teachers - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2014 from Tina TessinaThere are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me. It’s not that they’re bad people, others get along with them fine, and, actually, so do I. It’s just that I have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to ...
Views: 1216 - Motivation and How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss) - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2013 from Tina TessinaMany of my clients have come in complaining of a lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough on the job, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They desire to achieve both positive and negative motivations—positive motivations and being ...
Views: 1615 - New Book: Decisions After Forty: Reinventing the Rest of Your Life - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2014 from Tina TessinaDr.Romance is happy to announce my newest ebook, The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make after Forty: Reinventing the Rest of Your Life. In your lifetime, if you are forty or older, you have gone from dial telephones to smart phones, typewriters to computers, and the Internet has ...
Views: 1989 - Patterns of Change - by Submitted on May 05, 2014 from Tina TessinaI’ve been dealing with a lot of unwanted changes, and it’s not easy. Losses, disappointments, changes—we all struggle when life doesn’t go our way. Why is it so hard to handle change? Then there are the changes we want to make, fight hard to make—losing weight, giving ...
Views: 1285 - Practicing Patience - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2015 from Tina TessinaHappy New Year! This is the traditional time for making resolutions, which we all know are simple to make, but much more difficult to keep. Resolutions imply change, and making changes requires patience. It’s such a valuable component of character that St. Paul considered it evidence that ...
Views: 1240 - Problem Solving for Couples - by Submitted on Sep 07, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn a previous article “From Struggling to Solving” I discussed how to get from arguing to solving problems. Getting into the right frame of mind is a great start, but many of my clients also need steps for how to solve problems. Here are three of my most effective ...
Views: 1556 - Resolving Inner Anarchy - by Submitted on Feb 09, 2015 from Tina TessinaRecent events have me thinking about political anarchy—riots, bombings, civil wars, threats, and other bad and dangerous behavior around the world. Politically, anarchy means obeying no laws. It’s frightening to watch a mob take over. Anarchy is the result of two things: repression ...
Views: 1162 - Romance is Not Necessarily Love - by Submitted on May 09, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real incarnation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid’s ...
Views: 1381 - Romance is Not Necessarily Love - by Submitted on Sep 02, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real incarnation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid’s ...
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