Dr. Romance writes: Each of us is individual, special and different for a reason: You are a gift to the planet.

Anthropology tells us we are different because we survive better that way – the recombining of genes in sexual reproduction makes us a stronger species than cloning would.

However, that doesn’t account for the beauty of our differences. Each of us is a special package, a gift to the planet. If you’re looking for a reason for your life, look into your gifts. The whole point is to discover what you have to give, and to give it as effectively as possible.

I believe I came into this planet to heal: First, to heal myself and learn to value who I am, then to help heal the planet, one person at a time.

Healing is an art; not just a science or a technology. It’s not enough to throw the latest scientific discovery or medical advance at the problem – you have to get into all the messy, bleeding, hurting parts, sort out the problem, and clear the blocks so the healing can begin.

All my experience, personal and professional verifies that this is the only way it can be done. There are many different paths that can be used to get into the healing mode, and they all lead to the same place -- love. Healing only takes place in an atmosphere of love. My clients heal as they learn to love themselves, and demonstrating love to those around you will create a healing atmosphere. But what is love?

Love is a confusing word. We use it to mean obligation: "If you love me you’ll...." We use it for dependency: "I love you, I can’t live without you." We use it for ownership: "We’re in love, we belong to each other." We use it for charity: "I do this for you because I love you."

I want to see love freed. I think the world exists on love, and that it is love which binds us together.

Science has not yet understood the mysterious force which holds the tiny particles of the atom together, and thus holds everything in our physical world together. Pretend with me that the binding force is love: If that were true, then we’d each be an expression of love and surrounded by love. The phrase "God is love" would take on new dimensions.

We would be free and able to let our partners be free, because we would not have to do anything to be bonded. And we would not have to prove to ourselves that we love – it would be obvious to all around us. We could let our partners be different without being scared – just as protons and neutrons are different and express themselves differently, yet remain bonded.

So, I talk frequently about love, and as much as possible, walk my talk. My life is about freeing love. I believe love grows out of freedom, that free beings are open to loving and being loved. It is not possible to push or force people into loving. The only thing that works is leaving enough room for love to grow.

The more free people there are, the more love will be freed in the world. I invite you to join me in creating as much non-demanding, non-possessive love as we can in the world.

Adapted from It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

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For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.