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Articles from Sheryl Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Love is Softening - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOur hearts are encased in protection, layers of materials like iron or brick that create a fortress around our most sensitive selves. When these material first arrived, they came as friends, for our hearts as young people didn’t know how to rest undefended. We needed to harden in order to ...
Views: 891 - Moment By Moment - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulLife is a series of micro-moments. Most of the time, we’re floating along in the fast-paced current without self-reflection. But inevitably, at some point, we will get snagged on a branch of anxiety or intrusive thoughts, an uncomfortable feeling, an illness, an argument with a loved one, or a ...
Views: 926 - Nobody is Perfick - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen I was young, one of my favorite books was a collection of four short stories called “Nobody is Perfick“. I liked the first three stories, but it was the fourth one, called Nobody is Perfick, that captivated my attention. It was the story about a perfect boy named Peter Perfect. He always ...
Views: 987 - Nothing Lasts Forever - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Sheryl PaulFor all humans, but especially the highly sensitives, one of the most difficult truths to accept is that all seasons pass, all stages come to an end, all beings die. Just as the gorgeous peach tree in full-tilt pink spring bloom drops its blossoms to reveal summer fruit, then drops its leaves in ...
Views: 1319 - Oh, So That's How You Love! - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulThere have been countless times over the many years of my marriage when my husband will say something that makes me feel loved or do something that gets us back on track when we’ve been in a negative feedback loop and I’ll think, “Oh, so that’s how you love!” It could be something as small as ...
Views: 626 - One of the Anxious Statements I Hear Every Week - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOne of the blessings of listening to the inner worlds of my global audience is that I hear about the thoughts, feelings, questions, and stories that are archetypal to all human beings. I’ve written extensively about the various intrusive thoughts that enter my virtual office, but there are other ...
Views: 943 - One of the Most Powerful Questions to Cut Through Anxiety (Relationships, Health, Parenting, Friendship) - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWhen addressing anxiety effectively, we must attend to all four realms of self: physical, emotional, cognitive, and soul – or body, heart, mind, and soul. Attending only to one of the four realms is helpful, but it won’t help you heal anxiety from the root. By “attend” I mean we need tools to ...
Views: 1021 - Perfection and The Fear of Failure - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“It’s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to carefully avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit.” – Dan Millman, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior When I was in graduate school many ago, my classmates would often ask me how I was able to write papers so quickly and ...
Views: 912 - Pregnancy Anxiety - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAs I’ve written about before on this blog, one of the privileges of being the position of guiding people through the darkest aspects of their psyche and soul is that they share thoughts and feelings with me that they wouldn’t share with anyone else. Part of the reason why they share openly about ...
Views: 874 - Projection as Protection - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2011 from Sheryl PaulI’ve been thinking a lot about projection lately, especially since many of my engaged and newlywed clients have been perseverating on the thought, “I don’t love him/her.” This is such an important and complex topic that I’ve written about it several times, but let me say it more clearly here: ...
Views: 1538 - Real Love is Available Love - by Submitted on May 27, 2019 from Sheryl PaulThe first part of this post appeared on Instagram this week. I’m expounding upon it here. Real love is available love. It’s not the chase. It’s not drama. It’s not longing. It’s not the kiss at the end of the movie or finally snagging the one who got away. Real love is here-and-now, human, ...
Views: 760 - Relationship Anxiety: Intuition or Fear? - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulA subset topic of the million-dollar question – is my anxiety/doubt evidence that my truth is that I’m with the wrong partner or does it mean something else? – is the issue of intuition versus anxiety. In other words, embedded inside every question of the mind suffering from relationship ...
Views: 3654 - Remedies for Eco-Anxiety and Absorbing the Pain of the World - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2019 from Sheryl PaulThe topic of world and eco-anxiety seems to make the rounds in my practice every few months, and last week was one of those times. Between longterm clients, new clients, and course members, the theme was flooding the room. I’d like to break it down for you using the principles of my work to see ...
Views: 1010 - Risk Aversion and Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulI’m standing on the edge of my life, as if on the shores of a cold but beautiful lake. I want to dive in but I’m scared, only the fear doesn’t sound like fear as much as doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, and ambivalence. What if I make a mistake? What if the water is too cold and I can’t breathe? ...
Views: 1066 - Self-Trust, Red Flags and Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2019 from Sheryl PaulJust as there are no rules for life, there are no rules for relationships. That statement can be triggering for the ego, the part of us that insatiably demands definite answers and craves formulas. “Tell me how to live and how to love and then I’ll know that I’ll be okay!” the ego thinks, then ...
Views: 1122 - Shrink Fear Grow Love - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen the fear-fog clears, when the projection that has kept him separate from you and sealed a barnacle over your heart finally shatters, you see your partner as if for the first time. Not only do you see her clearly, in all of her sweet and simple splendor, but the delusions of separateness ...
Views: 859 - Social Anxiety and the Cocktail Party - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhile flipping through one of my favorite bedside stand-bys, Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion, I came across the following passage and chuckled out loud: “My experience is that I can feel that I’m in the Grail Castle when I’m living with people I love, doing what ...
Views: 829 - Something is Wrong - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulFear-mind has a special genius for trying to prove that it’s right. It’s like we all have this aspect of our personality – some call it ego, other call it lower self – that has secretly attended law school and graduated at the top of its class. This character, terrified of change, will gather ...
Views: 907 - Still Learning - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2014 from Sheryl PaulA few weeks ago my family and I spent five days up in the mountains. Overall, it was a lovely vacation, with much laughter, hiking, game-playing, and boating. But for some reason my husband and I were in one those spells when we bumped heads at some point each day. Perhaps it was hormones or ...
Views: 1669 - Take Back Your Gold - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulLast Monday, after a typical Colorado October snowstorm, my sons and I drove into town to serve dinner to the homeless. Consistent with this time of year, the snow started to melt just hours after it fell, and what was left was a stunning display of beauty where the golds and reds of autumn ...
Views: 1560 - The Art of Making Decisions - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOur culture fails to teach us the essential skills we need to navigate through life successfully in so many ways. As I discuss often on this site, it fails to teach us about healthy, real love. It fails to teach us about how to feel our feelings and work with our thoughts. It fails to guide us ...
Views: 903 - The Art of Patient Loving - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulPerhaps the area of our lives to suffer most from the increasingly fast pace of the culture is love, for the expectation of immediate results naturally leads to a belief that love should not only be easy, but that when there’s a problem, it should be remediated quickly. Love doesn’t work this ...
Views: 916 - The Best Piece of Advice I Can Give You to Reduce Your Anxiety - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOur era has been called the Information Age, the Technology Age, and the Digital Age. But it could also easily be called The Age of Anxiety, for anxiety is rampant and can manifest in so many ways: social anxiety, test anxiety, work anxiety, relationship anxiety, sleep anxiety, fertility anxiety ...
Views: 1073 - The Critical Moment to Break Free From Anxiety - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl If we could slow life down to micro-moments, if we could literally alter time like a movie turning it into sloooooow ...
Views: 833 - The Cycle of Healing - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe learn and heal in ebbs and flows, spiraling around the center of ourselves where our true Self dwells. When we’re in a cycle of growth, we burn through layers of ego fears and touch into that core place of wellness where peace and clarity reside. Our hearts are open and alive and we can ...
Views: 994 - The Day My Son Flew Into The Sky - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulHe had been waiting for this since he was two years old. For as far back as we can remember, Everest has wanted to fly. Many young kids, especially boys, have a penchant for things that go – trucks, cars, trains, boats – but for Everest it was more than a stage; it was a calling. He wasn’t ...
Views: 917 - The Fear of Getting Old - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe live in an ageist culture. It’s not only that we’re terrified of death and hurry to sequester the topic away under the nearest rock or stuff it into the closest corner; it’s that, in a culture that reveres youth, beauty, and physical perfection, we fear aging itself. We fear the lines that ...
Views: 1294 - The Fear of Losing Control - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen we spiral down into the deeper layers of anxiety – whether relationship anxiety or any other form that anxiety takes – we find some universal root causes that live at the center. These exist on both the emotional and psychological/spiritual planes, and they all need our attention if we’re ...
Views: 1164 - The Gift of Projection - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2018 from Sheryl PaulProjection is one of the most important concepts to understand when you’re stuck in relationship anxiety or any manifestation of anxiety. It’s a psychological term that essentially means we’re stuck in a story about someone or something else with the belief that it’s true, and that if the person ...
Views: 903 - The Intersection of Sex and Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIf you’re familiar with relationship anxiety, you know that it doesn’t take much for a flyaway thought to send you into a tailspin of anxiety that then leads you to question if you’re with the right person. This thought could be, “I’m not feeling in love” or “My partner always irritates me” or ...
Views: 1040 - The Life You're Meant to Live - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2018 from Sheryl PaulSomewhere along the road of childhood into adolescence, a belief is transmitted that says: Follow the roadmap that culture presents and you will find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This roadmap looks like: Graduate from a 4-year university, land a corporate job then climb the ladder, ...
Views: 1531 - The Most Powerful Medicine to Soothe a Rupture of Anxiety - by Submitted on Aug 08, 2019 from Sheryl PaulLife moves along in flows and eddies. The more you attend to your inner world and heal the long-standing and deep-seated pain and trauma that live at the root of intrusive thoughts, the longer the stretches of eddies and the time you’ll stand amongst the reeds, flowing with the small moments of ...
Views: 1085 - The New Pledge of the Highly Sensitive is Life-Changing - by Submitted on Oct 01, 2019 from Sheryl PaulA theme has been constellating lately in my professional and personal worlds, and when I see a theme I’m compelled to write about it here as it’s my indicator that we’re tapping down into the realm of the collective unconscious: the invisible realm where we’re all connected, all struggling with ...
Views: 830 - The News and Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe live in uncertain times, and that statement alone can send an anxious-sensitive personality type into a tailspin. But the truth is that we’ve always lived in uncertain times. Because death exists, our lives hang in the balance on this precious and precarious planet. The threats change faces – ...
Views: 1040 - The One Essential Question that Lives Inside Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most challenging elements of relationship anxiety to understand is that, if you’re in a healthy, loving relationship with no red flags, the anxiety is projection. This means that the parade of intrusive thoughts that tortures the anxious mind and sensitive soul are actually pointing ...
Views: 1061 - The Poetry of Loss - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulMy son and I are driving into town for our weekly Friday morning special time and Suzanne Vega’s song “The World Before Columbus” comes on. It’s a song she wrote for her daughter that I used to sing to Everest when he was a baby, and these lyrics made me cry every time: Those men who lust for ...
Views: 951 - The Rapture of Love - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe long for rapture. We long to be transported to an otherworldly place where the problems that weigh heavily into our souls and the pain that pierces our hearts lift away, if only for a moment. We long to feel profoundly alive and deeply fulfilled. We long for ecstasy. Western culture ...
Views: 773 - The Scars of First Heartbreak - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulThere’s nothing like the first. The first family. The first friend. The first kiss. The first job. The first baby. The first heartbreak. The first time or experience or relationship lays the groove of a blueprint for how we navigate later, similar experiences. Our first experience of a family ...
Views: 717 - The Search for Perfection: From Marrying to Buying a House - by Submitted on Jul 02, 2010 from Sheryl Paul“Perfection is for the Gods; completeness and wholeness is the most humans can hope for.” – Marion Woodman One of the most common and pernicious beliefs among my engaged and newlywed clients is that they’re supposed to marry their perfect match. While they may be rationally aware that ...
Views: 1746 - The Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Partner (According to Fear) - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2011 from Sheryl PaulFear’s entire mission in life is to keep you safe from the risk of loving. It sees love as a dangerous cesspool where the invisible sea creatures lurk beneath the dark surface, waiting to snatch you into their murky waters. Fear believes that if you risk your heart through committed loving you ...
Views: 4446 - The Truth About Love (and my thoughts on Instagram) - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“Love is one of the great enlargers of the person because it requires us to ‘take in’ the stranger and to understand him, and to exercise restraint and tolerance as well as imagination to make the relationship work.” – May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude I recently decided to join Instagram. ...
Views: 854 - The Two Most Important Qualities You Need in a Partner - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2019 from Sheryl PaulAs evidenced by our high divorce rate and, even more disheartening, how few long-term marriages are thriving and fulfilling, it’s clear that our culture has it all wrong when it comes to love. Not only do we project our gold and gods onto our partners instead of taking responsibility for our own ...
Views: 892 - The Well of Self - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2014 from Sheryl PaulWe all carry within us a well of Self. We can’t see this well, but we know when the waters are clear and full or when they’re low and flecked with the dark matter of the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves. We know when the waters are warm from the time, interest, and compassion we pour into ...
Views: 1750 - The Wisdom of Longing - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2014 from Sheryl PaulAt the core of each human being rests a heart full of love, tinged with sadness and aching with longing. Some would say this longing points to our awareness of our original separation from a divine source, the knowing that we are all one yet painfully separated from each another because of this ...
Views: 1976 - There's Something Broken But It's Not You - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2019 from Sheryl PaulI spend a lot of time thinking about our culture, and it’s a topic I bring up almost every week in my blog and courses in some form. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how terribly sad and actually tragic it is that culture should support its members into becoming more of who they are, but we, in ...
Views: 873 - These Two Banished Emotions Need to be Invited to the Castle - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIn myths and fairy tales, the banished characters are shadow aspects who represent the inner characters we would like to sequester away in a cloistral tower or banish to the middle of the forest: the virginal maiden representing forbidden chastity, the unattractive witch representing the ...
Views: 914 - This is a Powerful Predictor of Your Well-Being - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWe all have inside of us a well of Self. This is a fluid well that is continuously being drained and refilled by how we spend our time, depleted and nourished by how we move through our inner and outer worlds. When the well is full, we are resourced and regulated, which means we’re more adept at ...
Views: 1207 - This is How I Learned to Love My Husband Well - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIt took me many years to learn how to love my husband well, and, of course, I’m still learning. Like many people, I didn’t grow up witnessing a healthy model of true partnership. My parents, like all parents, did the best they could and they gave me many gifts, but I’m sure even they would ...
Views: 737 - This is How to Overcome the Most Powerful Obstacle to Change - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWe all know that greens are healthy. We know that meditation can be life-changing. We know that breathwork is deeply healing and that yoga can be a pathway to profound change. We know that exercise is essential. We know that journaling is a powerful tool. We know it, but what stops us from ...
Views: 869 - This is One of the Scariest Things Humans Do - by Submitted on Jan 05, 2020 from Sheryl PaulWhenever I meet someone new and we talk about how my 15-year old son is a pilot, they look at me sideways and say something like, “You’re a brave mom to let him fly.” As I’ve written about in other posts, allowing him to fly does, indeed, drag me into a regular practice of facing my fears and ...
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