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Articles from Donna Torbico | Selfgrowth.com
- Childhood LONELINESS (Part 1) - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2012 from Donna TorbicoDefinition of LONELINESS (L) • Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned • Feeling a strong sense of emptiness, yearning, distress and solitude, from an inadequate quantity or quality of social relationships • Social pain — a psychological mechanism meant to alert people of being ...
Views: 2229(1 vote) - AUTONOMY & ATTACHMENT - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Donna TorbicoSERVANT or MASTER of YOUR CASTLE Who’s the boss of you? ACoA SYMBIOSIS (S.) An unhealthy attachment to others as a way to: • compensate for emotional abandonment in childhood • to cope with deep anxiety of being a separate entity • escape having to face the struggle of growing up ...
Views: 3264 - SYMBIOSIS & ACoAs - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Donna TorbicoAM I ME, AM I YOU & ARE YOU ME? I hate myself, but I also want you to be exactly like me! SYMBIOSIS As infants, all humans are born with a built-in biological & psychological set of tendencies, which interacts with & responds to their specific environment in their own unique way - but ...
Views: 2839 - PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT ME BETTER - But I WON’T LET THEM - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Donna TorbicoACOA DOUBLE BINDS - Either way we lose ourselves, to stay loyal to the family If you’d like to know about double binds, go to pg. 10 of www.acoarecovery.com. ACoAs have a terrible dilemma: 1. On the one hand we desperately want to be loved, acknowledged, seen, heard. We complain bitterly ...
Views: 1780(2 votes) - “WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS” - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Donna TorbicoLONELY CREATURES We’re all social animals, even when we sometimes need our privacy Many people in the mental health field, spiritual practices & new-age wisdom say we shouldn’t worry about what others think of us. Yes, OK, but it’s not that simple! What they don’t tell you is that there’s 2 ...
Views: 1970(2 votes) - ABANDONMENT Pain, Now (Part 2) - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2011 from Donna TorbicoABANDONMENT PAIN IS FROM THE PAST It hurts, but it passes DEFINITION • the DEF for Abandonment (A) is : “Not getting enough of your legitimate childhood needs met, & some needs NOT at all”. This applies to all 4 categories of NEEDS: Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual. (A) is NOT just ...
Views: 1675 - ABANDONMENT Pain, Now (Part 1) - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2011 from Donna Torbico“I HATE YOU - DON’T LEAVE ME!” I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m desperate ✶ Un-healed ACoAs have only 2 speeds about most things: Too Much or Too Little, black or white, very high or very low. ‘Gray’ is NOT even thought of, or is seen as a cop-out! ✶ Mental Health is about many ...
Views: 1653 - “FEAR IS THE ABSENCE OF LOVE” - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2011 from Donna TorbicoLOVE vs FEAR? Fear is an emotion caused by either outer danger or inner false beliefs • Like so many popular ‘spiritual’ saying there’s some truth in it but NOT the whole story, so people can get easily confused & also misuse it. • Generally, this statement means that if we have enough ...
Views: 4305(1 vote) - ACoAs’ Need for REVENGE - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2011 from Donna TorbicoMAKE THEM SUFFER ! The same way they made me suffer! This post, of course, is about those of us raised in a variety of abusive, dysfunctional families & communities AS CHILDREN a. External CAUSES - Growing up, our parents & other adults: • blamed us unfairly, for all kinds of things ...
Views: 1547 - “THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD” - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2011 from Donna TorbicoYES, I WAS HURT BY MY FAMILY, but they were hurting too, poor things! This is a phrase I’ve heard over the years, & it always makes me mad. You may at first think this post is harsh or unfair, BUT please remember that everything our parents were - WE internalized into our Negative ...
Views: 3793(1 vote) - ACRONYMS for all HEAL & GROW Articles - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna Torbicopgs. = http://www.acoarecovery.com – Then click on SITE MAP ACoAs = adult-children of alcoholics & other abusers A = Abandonment (A) = Adult As = Actions A/A = Abuse & Abandonment AC = Adapted Child AEC = Adult Ego State B = ...
Views: 1557(1 vote) - PARENTAL BLAME - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoWe hear a lot in the ‘spiritual’ community about forgiveness- ie - not blaming. That applies to the present - if you’re an adult. And that’s a discussion for another blog. BUT this entry is about what happened TO US as children. A hallmark of alcoholic (& other emotionally unhealthy) ...
Views: 2504 - Personal RESPONSIBILITY - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoOWNING MY T.E.A You may push my buttons, but I’m responsible for my Thoughts, Emotion & Actions WHAT IS IT? In it’s simplest form: honestly admitting, to ourselves, first of all, what we feel, think & have done - or - not. (Review T.E.A. - Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, pg 54 ) “I cannot ...
Views: 1730 - SELF-HATE & ACoAs (Part 2) - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoNOBODY LOVES ME - I’m going to eat worms & die! Part 1: Essence, Source - Past & Present PURPOSE for S-H - TO: • protect our ideal of having good, loving, safe parents • protect us from feeling our old abandonment pain • keep from risking change (fear we’ll die if we S & I) • keep us ...
Views: 2099 - SELF-HATE & ACoAs (Part 1) - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoI’M NO GOOD & EVERYONE KNOWS IT so I have to be perfect to make up for it Self-Hate is the #1 deterrent to growth for all ACoAs. It undermines our ability to function well, to have self-esteem & to be happy. Some people call it being ‘hard on yourself”, but it’s much more than that. It’s so ...
Views: 1668 - What is SHAME? - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoTHE BAD SEED I was born bad & I’ll always be bad Guilt is about actions - it’s the emotion which is caused by disobedience to rules we deeply believe in. On the other hand, SHAME is about our identity - about who we are, fundamentally. It says that our very essence is bad, unlovable, ...
Views: 2307(1 vote) - What is GUILT? - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2011 from Donna TorbicoGuilt is not a primary emotion, like anger, joy, sadness... But it is one of the most intense & often-felt emotions by ACoAs. It is a familiar companion of negative self-talk & to actions we believe to be bad, but may not be. Guilt is connected to self-hate: since our default position is that ...
Views: 1463 - HEALTHY HELPING - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2011 from Donna Torbico"I LIKE HELPING! As long as I take care of myself in the process" ✦ Many ACoAs are trained from birth to be helpers, regardless of their native personality style & interests. There’s an ironic saying in recovery circles: “ACOAs are born with an MSW (Masters in Social Work) and get their Birth ...
Views: 1239 - ACoAs: RESCUING - Unhealthy Helping - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2011 from Donna Torbico"I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED! I can take care of you, but not myself" Growing up in dysfunctional families, ACoAs were not allowed to fully develop their own personality & identity, attend to their own needs, or have their own feelings – about anything. We had no choice but to focus on our ...
Views: 2210 - HEALTHY OPPOSITES - Change Your Behavior, Change Your Life - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2009 from Donna TorbicoFor ACoAs- (Adult-Children of alcoholics, abusers, abandoners & other narcissists) ACoAs know how they would like their life to be: TO have a fulfilling career, loving relationships, less pressure, a little fun... and they try, struggle, obsess - but not much changes. They become more & more ...
Views: 2842(5 votes)