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Articles from Janet Pfeiffer | Selfgrowth.com
- TEN TIPS TO DIFFUSE A VOLATILE SITUATION - by Submitted on May 17, 2017 from Janet PfeifferWe are living in a very volatile and dangerous age. Not only have issues of domestic violence, child and animal abuse, anger in the workplace and so on been more apparent, but we are definitely witnessing a rise of violence within our communities. Gangs and individual assaults seem to be taking ...
Views: 1464 - Ten Tips to Fight Fair - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2015 from Janet PfeifferI'm not a fan of boxing nor professional wrestling. I find that, as in real life, the players don't always fight fair. I understand that much is done strictly to boost ratings but still I find it distressing. In real life it is even more disturbing for much damage can occur when one or both ...
Views: 1123 - Ten Tips to Fight Fair - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2015 from Janet PfeifferI'm not a fan of boxing nor professional wrestling. I find that, as in real life, the players don't always fight fair. I understand that much is done strictly to boost ratings but still I find it distressing. In real life it is even more disturbing for much damage can occur when one or both ...
Views: 1253 - That Was Really Awkward! - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2012 from Janet PfeifferLast week I spoke to a group of employees at a manufacturing company. The topic was “Dealing With Really B~A~D* People”. No one is immune to these “challenging” individuals. They appear in our place of employment, our communities, our churches and most unfortunately our families. I’m no ...
Views: 2274 - That's All Right - by Submitted on Sep 13, 2012 from Janet PfeifferShe was only nineteen, a college sophomore, when she started her own sorority. Disillusioned with the superficial behaviors/attitudes of those already on campus, she wanted one that was all-inclusive of every interested female and one devoted to serving the community. Together with a hand-select ...
Views: 2129 - The "OK" Solution to Criticism - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2015 from Janet PfeifferWe live in a harsh and judgmental world where people are quick to point out the faults and imperfections of others yet seem oblivious to their own. Some misguided souls believe they have a moral obligation and civil duty to help you to be a better person by telling you what a failure you really ...
Views: 1302 - The "OK" Solution to Criticism - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2015 from Janet PfeifferWe live in a harsh and judgmental world where people are quick to point out the faults and imperfections of others yet seem oblivious to their own. Some misguided souls believe they have a moral obligation and civil duty to help you to be a better person by telling you what a failure you really ...
Views: 1255 - The "SO - What" Method: Six Steps to Resolving Conflict - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2013 from Janet PfeifferConflict: two forces in opposition. Resolution: the process of finding a mutually satisfying solution. There's nothing threatening here yet for many they'd rather have a root canal rather than try to resolve a dispute. They either seek a quick departure or prepare themselves for an ugly battle. ...
Views: 3730 - The 15 Minute Conflict Resolution Solution - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2015 from Janet PfeifferI abhor arguing. It's a waste of precious time and energy and robs me of my serenity. Conflict, however, is horse of another color. Conflict occurs daily in each of our lives. It simply means that there is a disagreement, a difference of opinion. My husband and I engage in disputes on a regular ...
Views: 2123 - THE 15 MINUTE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SOLUTION - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI abhor arguing. It's a waste of precious time and energy and robs me of my serenity. Conflict, however, is horse of another color. Conflict occurs daily in each of our lives. It simply means that there is a disagreement, a difference of opinion. My husband and I engage in disputes on a regular ...
Views: 1626 - The Anger Exchange: Give Up These 7 to Gain This Instead - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2016 from Janet PfeifferIf you've read my book, The Secret Side o f Anger, or attended one of my lectures on the topic, you know that while there are thousands of events that can trigger anger, there are actually only three root causes: hurt, fear, and frustration. In any given circumstance, you can trace anger back to ...
Views: 1308 - The Antidote to Anger: Best New Year's Resolutions Ever! - by Submitted on Jan 08, 2014 from Janet PfeifferAt the beginning of every new year millions of adults make resolutions to improve some aspect of their life: quit smoking, lose weight, save more money, spend time with family and friends. Though well-intentioned, few actually follow through and achieve their desired degree of success. While ...
Views: 2317 - The A~N~Y Words and Anger - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2015 from Janet PfeifferThere are thousands of things that trigger our anger: aggressive drivers, rude coworkers, disrespectful children, lying politicians, high taxes, unfairness, and favoritism just to name a few. A critical statement or offensive comment can raise our ire to which we may respond with indignation. ...
Views: 1350 - The BLAME Game - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame? “I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault” “My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.” Sadly, ...
Views: 1627 - The COLTS Method of Instantly Resolving Problems - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2014 from Janet PfeifferWe've all had our share of problems in life, some more than others but problems none-the-less. If you're anything like me, you eventually grow weary dealing with and finding solutions to unpleasant situations. Rather than win the lottery, some might opt to have all of their problems vanish, ...
Views: 1216 - The Dangers of Tolerating or Accepting What You Cannot Change (and the Surprising Alternative) - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2013 from Janet PfeifferYears ago, there was a major campaign in schools teaching children to tolerate the difference of others. It was an attempt to create a more comfortable and conducive environment for children of all cultures and ethnic backgrounds to coexist peacefully. I suppose some good came of it but still ...
Views: 1589 - THE FOUR SURPRISING CAUSES OF STRESS - by Submitted on Dec 20, 2017 from Janet PfeifferHow many of you would like to live a stress-free life? I'm guessing it would be quite a few. Most people I know view stress as a negative experience. Yet like any emotion, it doesn't have to prove detrimental to our health or overall well-being. Stress is actually less complicated than one ...
Views: 2059 - THE HARDEST THING - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2012 from Janet PfeifferMy anger management group is no place for the weak. While I am very compassionate and respectful, I have zero tolerance for denial, blame, self-pity and the like. Monday night was no exception. "Sharon" sat down on the large blue sofa along with the other women. As always, I asked the ladies ...
Views: 2177 - The Healing Power of Forgiveness - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2013 from Janet PfeifferForgiveness is oftentimes misunderstood and difficult to put into action. For some, when another offends or betrays them, moving beyond the anger and the need to get even can feel impossible. Forgiveness is a conscious choice to let go of all anger, pain, bitterness, and negative feelings ...
Views: 1523 - The Illusion of Anger - by Submitted on Nov 26, 2015 from Janet PfeifferI sent out an email about my upcoming show, The Illusion of Anger, and was met with an angry response. "Anger is NOT an illusion! People die from anger!" he wrote. I am well aware of that. However, that is not the illusion I'm speaking of. According to Webster's dictionary, anger is a feeling ...
Views: 1529 - The Nail in the Fence - by Submitted on May 28, 2012 from Janet Pfeiffer“The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath.” (The Buddha). A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, “Every time you’re angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you’ve learned to control your anger, start removing them.” Six months later, the boy had removed every nail ...
Views: 4290 - The Nature of Nature (Excerpt from The Great Truth) - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2012 from Janet PfeifferI have two acres of beautifully landscaped property with colorful gardens. In each, I’ve planted a wide array of flora: roses, tulips, chrysanthemums, geraniums, daisies, sweet Williams, peonies, and others whose names elude me. One day, while preparing dinner in the kitchen, I heard voices ...
Views: 1784 - The ONE KEY to Making Love Last a Lifetime - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2013 from Janet PfeifferAh, Love! What could be more wonderful than falling in love? We find ourselves attracted to another and regardless of our age we feel like a teenager falling in love for the first time. And for a period of time, all is right with the world. But then reality sets in. We begin to notice things ...
Views: 1854 - The Pitfalls of Guilt and Shame - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2013 from Janet PfeifferThere have been times in our lives when most of us have struggled with issues of guilt or shame. I have. The night my mom and I put my dad into a nursing home was by far one of the worst moments in my life. To a great extent this was due to the extreme guilt I was feeling over my perceived ...
Views: 1508 - The Silent Assassin - by Submitted on May 17, 2012 from Janet PfeifferI read advice columns. I sometimes find valuable information that benefits me or I can pass along to others. At times I shake my head in awe at the nonsensical issues people seek advice about, like the biggest debate ever in Dear Abby’s history: which is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet ...
Views: 2200 - The Sky is NOT My Limit: Setting and Enforcing Boundaries - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2013 from Janet PfeifferMany of us allow others to treat us in ways that are uncomfortable, unhealthy or disrespectful. We remain silent rather than address our disdain for fear of retribution: what will happen if I speak up? Will I lose my job? Will my best friend get angry with me? Will my family choose to no longer ...
Views: 1698 - The Surprising Cause of Stress, Part 1 - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2015 from Janet PfeifferToday is "tax day". For millions of American tax payers it is probably their least favorite time of the year, propelling them into a state of duress and anxiety. For a business owner such as myself the task of gathering all of my receipts and itemizing my expenses is time consuming and ...
Views: 1421 - THE T-I-B-Bs AFFECT ON ANGER - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2017 from Janet PfeifferAlthough we often classify a person's actions as problematic, in truth a person's conduct is never the real problem. Behavior is nothing more than an outward expression of an internal issue. For example, if an individual is in a bad mood and arguing with those around them, the fighting simply ...
Views: 1532 - The Truth About Love, Hurt, and Anger - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe're all familiar with the phrase, "love hurts". Too often, we take a witty cliché and assign truth to it. We then refer to it in times when it brings comfort, helps us to make a decision, or emphasizes a point. In reference to "love hurts", those who have been betrayed by someone they loved ...
Views: 1876 - THE WHY'S WAY TO NEUTRALIZE ANGER - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2017 from Janet PfeifferIf I told you that there was one simple word that could prevent anger from arising would you be interested in discovering what that word is? Or in the event that anger showed up without warning, this same word could easily subdue it and restore your sense of calm? Would you utilize this ...
Views: 1635 - The" Need" For Anger - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2015 from Janet PfeifferI'd be hard-pressed to find someone who never got angry. Even Jesus expressed anger while here in the physical world. Not all anger is obvious nor acknowledged. Passive/aggressive anger, for instance, can go undetected by those experiencing or receiving it. Sarcasm, sabotage, ignoring someone, ...
Views: 1258 - Three Defining Moments That Changed My Life - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2013 from Janet PfeifferIn his book, Self Matters, Dr. Phil explains that each of us has ten defining moments in our lives. These moments are deep and profound and can change who we are and redirect the course of our lives. While I've never actually counted mine, I can easily identify the top three. The first ...
Views: 2618 - Tongue Twisters: When Others Manipulate Your Words - by Submitted on Sep 23, 2015 from Janet PfeifferEffectively communicating with others can present enough challenges without the added issue of one who twists and distorts your words. Below is a transcript of a recent conversation I had with someone (who refers to himself as a member of the black race) on facebook. He posted the controversial ...
Views: 2207 - Tough Advice About Anger - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2014 from Janet PfeifferEverybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People ...
Views: 1333 - UFO Method to Eliminate Arguing - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2015 from Janet PfeifferWe all argue. Well, for sure we all disagree. Arguing is an option. We can peacefully debate opposite sides of a topic and without having it escalate to anger, shouting, name-calling, and hurt feelings. Yet oftentimes it does. When people do not feel as though they are being heard or understood ...
Views: 1260 - Using Emotions As Tools - by Submitted on Dec 30, 2015 from Janet PfeifferVery often people query me as to whether or not anger is a bad emotion to which I reply "No." All emotions have purpose and value. None are good or bad. They simply are. It is how we utilize them, our actions, that determines their positive or negative value. Emotions are messengers that help us ...
Views: 1353 - Violence, 911, and War: There's a Better Way - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2013 from Janet PfeifferSince the beginning of time, wars have been fought in an effort to bring about peace. Have we accomplished that yet? Maybe violence isn't the answer. I am a peace lover. Not only do I promote peaceful coexistence but I also live peacefully with others. I do not argue or fight; I do not ...
Views: 1440 - What Makes (Mike) Rice Boil? A Look at Aggressive Behavior - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2013 from Janet PfeifferAggressive behavior - many believe it is a sign of power, self-confidence, and courage. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Last week the country witnessed the termination of Rutgers University head basketball coach, Mike Rice. Video surfaced of his mean-spirited treatment of his players ...
Views: 2123 - What the Bible Says About Anger - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2016 from Janet PfeifferDating back over 3500 years, the Bible began as a collection of oral stories handed down from generation to generation in the form of songs, narratives, and poetry. Eventually signs and symbols were utilized in a more permanent means of recording these stories until the written word became the ...
Views: 1404 - WHAT TO DO WHEN CONFLICT RESOLUTION FAILS - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2017 from Janet PfeifferWouldn't life be wonderful if every time we disagreed with someone we could find a perfect solution that would satisfy each party and put the issue to rest once and for all? So often when a conflict arises, we spend an enormous amount of time and energy debating it, trying to prove our position, ...
Views: 2065 - WHEN ANGER MANAGEMENT DOESN'T WORK - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI've been teaching anger management and conflict resolution for nearly a quarter of a century. What makes me so successful in my work is that I do not lecture on any subject matter that I haven't personally experienced and mastered. In that regard, people find me authentic and know that if I've ...
Views: 1384 - WHEN LYING IS THE BETTER OPTION - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2017 from Janet PfeifferCurrently there is a commercial on TV where a cheerful woman visits her new neighbor with a homemade pie. She states that she has actually come by not to simply welcome the woman into the neighborhood but to see if in fact she might be weird in some way. The smiling neighbor inquires as to ...
Views: 1598 - When Silence Isn't Golden - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe're all familiar with the phrase "Silence is golden". This proverb dates as far back as ancient Egypt, making reference to the importance of keeping quiet under certain circumstances. The first example of it being used in English is credited to the poet Thomas Carlyle in 1831. Certainly there ...
Views: 1410 - WHEN TO FIGHT AND WHEN TO NOT - by Submitted on May 10, 2017 from Janet PfeifferI'm not much of a fighter. When I was a child, my dad taught me that if someone hits you, hit them back but never be the one to throw the first punch. In essence, only fight back when you have to defend yourself. My mom's message was taken from Luke 6:29 and contradicted Dad's: "If someone slaps ...
Views: 1424 - Who Needs Anger? - by Submitted on Sep 17, 2014 from Janet PfeifferEveryone - we all need anger. The most simple basic definition of anger is that it's an indication that we have unmet needs that have to be addressed, a sign that something is lacking in our lives that we want to satisfy. As with all emotions, anger is normal, useful, healthy, and necessary. ...
Views: 1465 - Why Do I Feel the Way I Do? - by Submitted on Apr 08, 2015 from Janet PfeifferPeople often believe that they are slaves to their emotions: "I hate feeling like this but I can't help it." Some are ashamed of their emotions and try to hide them; still others find some to be offensive, frightening or sinful. But the truth is that all feelings have purpose and value. They are ...
Views: 1739 - Why Forgiveness is Obsolete - by Submitted on Oct 22, 2014 from Janet PfeifferMy mother has always been an advocate of forgiveness. When I was a child she taught me early on to let go of being angry with people. If a friend hurt me she suggested that perhaps they didn't realize what they had done. If it was a family member, well, families don't hold grudges. And as ...
Views: 1659 - Why People Don't Get Along - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhy is it so difficult for us to get along with one another? After all, we all have the same basic needs in life. We all want to be valued, to be acknowledged for the good that we do, to be treated fairly and given sufficient opportunities in life; we all want to be accepted as we are and to be ...
Views: 1407 - WHY YOU NEED TO CHANGE - by Submitted on Jul 26, 2017 from Janet PfeifferPeople become defensive at the thought of someone telling them or implying that they must change. "I am who I am; take it or leave it" is often the response. "I'm not changing for anyone. Except me for who I am or don't be in my life." While many view these comments as signs of self-confidence - ...
Views: 1547 - Winning Arguments Through Non-Resistance - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen disagreements arise there is always the possibility that they will escalate into an argument or fight. The very nature of dissension triggers feelings of uneasiness in the average person. Most of us struggle with some degree of insecurity. Contradictory ideas, needs, beliefs, ways of doing ...
Views: 1779