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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***Healing a 'Fix Others' Addiction - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you addicted to fixing others? Do you believe this is loving rather than controlling? Many of us were raised to base our identity on helping or fixing others. Fixing others is often the addiction of choice for people who have a naturally deep level of empathy and who easily feel ...
Views: 1355(2 votes) - ***The Challenge of Conflict - by Submitted on Feb 14, 2013 from Margaret PaulDo you try to control during conflict, or are you conflict avoidant? Neither works well to resolve conflict. Discover what does work! Leslie asks: "When I approach my partner to address an issue, he only sees me as controlling and creating 'controversy'. He can barely stand ...
Views: 1350 - ***From Atheist To The Joy of Divine Grace - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. February 15, 2016 _______________________________________________________________________________ The state of Divine Grace is a most wonderful experience, and it's available to all of us – even if you are an atheist. ...
Views: 1346 - ***Loving Yourself When Being Blamed - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2017 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, PhD February 20, 2017 Discover how loving it is to yourself to understand the amazing difference between blame and responsibility. Growing up, most of us had numerous experiences of being blamed. I was frequently blamed for things that I was too young to understand, ...
Views: 1345 - ***The Fear of Being Duped - by Submitted on May 17, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Is being duped something you avoid at all costs, or are you willing to be duped in order to keep your heart open? ________________________________________ No one likes being duped. It feels awful to realize that someone has pulled the wool over our ...
Views: 1338 - ***What Prevents You From Loving Yourself? - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2015 from Margaret PaulIn your daily life, are you guided by fear or by love? What are the fears that block being loving to yourself and others? How often is the question, "What is loving to myself and others - what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?" the question that guides your actions? Is ...
Views: 1337 - ***Why Do I Attach To An Unavailable Person?" - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you addicted to trying to get love from unavailable, unloving people? Have you found yourself repeatedly 'falling in love' with an unavailable person? Have you wondered why you keep doing this? This is the question Wanda asked: "What about our wounded self causes us to attach so ...
Views: 1337(1 vote) - ***"It's Not Fair!" - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you continue to believe, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, that life should be fair? Discover a new way of looking at fairness. ________________________________________ "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good ...
Views: 1330 - ***Managing The Pain of Breakups - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2014 from Margaret PaulDo you know how to lovingly manage and heal the loneliness and heartbreak of a breakup? Breakups are challenging for most of us. However, on top of the heartbreak and grief of a breakup, we often make it worse by the things we say to ourselves. What are some of the things you tell ...
Views: 1326 - ***Can I Change A Narcissist? - by Submitted on Jun 14, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner's controlling behavior. ________________________________________ Tara asked me the following question: "Dear Dr. Paul, How do you ...
Views: 1319 - ***Resisting Happiness - by Submitted on Aug 19, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you stuck in misery? Do you resist taking responsibility for making yourself happy? Discover a possible cause of this. One of the issues I frequently encounter with my clients is the following: Sasha is in a long-term, on-again, off-again, relationship with Fabio. When Sasha is taking ...
Views: 1319(1 vote) - ***"I Want To Open But I'm Scared of Getting Hurt." - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2013 from Margaret PaulAre you afraid to open your heart to love, for fear of getting hurt? Learn how to lovingly manage the hurt. Is it possible to fully love without getting hurt? The answer is unequivocally NO! Is this because love hurts? Again, the answer is NO! It is not love that hurts. It's ...
Views: 1312 - Help! I don’t Want To Be Like My Family! - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Margaret PaulAlexia asked: “My mother and my grandmother and most of the people I learned life from, never loved themselves. I know I don't want to be like them but the reality is I am! I have changed but not as much as I want. Can you please teach me how to fix this suffering from my wounded self?” I ...
Views: 1312 - ***Can You Emotionally Connect With Your Family Of Origin? - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, PhD October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel ...
Views: 1311(1 vote) - ***Challenges of The Dating Scene - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2013 from Margaret PaulDating provides many opportunities to learn and grow. Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you. Franklin writes: "I am a 68 year old male who was married for 27 years and now divorced 15 years. I have fallen in love with a woman after only three ...
Views: 1310 - ***Do You Put Pressure on Yourself? - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2014 from Margaret Paul______________________________________ Pressuring yourself might be causing resistance, stress, anxiety, physical pain, insomnia and even illness. ________________________________________ How many of you put a lot of pressure on yourself? How often do you feel anxious because of this ...
Views: 1305 - ***How To Forgive - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. June 06, 2016 Do you want to forgive yourself or someone else, but you just can't seem to get there? Learn how to forgive in this article. _____________________________________________________________________________ It's one of the greatest gifts you can ...
Views: 1304 - ***How Do I Stop Sabotaging Myself? - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2013 from Margaret PaulDiscover why you may be sabotaging and punishing yourself with your self-judgment and self-rejection. Would you love to manifest your dreams and have the life you want? Most people would unhesitatingly respond with a resounding "YES!" Yet, do you sometimes find yourself ...
Views: 1303 - ***The Foundation for Abundance - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you aware of the vast difference between expressing gratitude from your ego wounded self or from your loving adult self? ________________________________________ "Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all ...
Views: 1303 - ***Do You Know How To Love? - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2014 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Love is not something that can be described – it needs to be experienced, and when you experience it through loving yourself, you will know how to love. ________________________________________ We read many things about what love is and what it isn't ...
Views: 1302(1 vote) - ***Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships? - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2014 from Margaret PaulMany people confuse boundaries - which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others. Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: "I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn't speak to me that way any more." Jackson said to ...
Views: 1299 - ***The Way to Happiness - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2013 from Margaret PaulAre you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago? "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." ~Epictetus, AD 55-135 It's hard for ...
Views: 1299(1 vote) - ***Managing Challenging Families - by Submitted on May 11, 2016 from Margaret PaulSometimes the most loving act, both for yourself and for others, is to disengage from an abusive family relationship. This can eventually lead to some healing. We all know that families can be very challenging! Angie grew up in a family where she was the caretaker. The oldest of four, ...
Views: 1296 - ***How Can I Get My Partner To Change? - by Submitted on Jun 25, 2015 from Margaret PaulDiscover the things you might need to change in yourself in order to have a chance at creating change in your partner and in your relationship. ________________________________________ How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - ...
Views: 1295 - ***How To Trust Again - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 29, 2016 Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work. I received the following question about how to trust again: "My husband and I remarried after we both got divorced and went through a number of ...
Views: 1292(1 vote) - ***The High Cost of Physical Self-Abandonment - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2016 from Margaret PaulIf you are not concerned with your physical self-care, have you ever considered the high cost to those around you? I was sitting in the airport at my gate in Chicago, on my way home from the East Coast, having just completed a wonderful Inner Bonding weekend workshop at Kripalu in Lenox, MA. ...
Views: 1290 - ***Trusting Others Starts With Self-Trust - by Submitted on Nov 10, 2015 from Margaret Paul_______________________________________________________ We want to be able to trust others to be honest and reliable. Yet are you honest and reliable with yourself? Do you trust your own inner knowing? You will not be able to trust others until you are trustworthy with ...
Views: 1289 - ***"Why Do I Seem to Attract Rejection?" - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you perplexed regarding why you so often feel rejected by others? ________________________________________ Alana asked me the following question: "My whole life I have felt that I don't fit in with others - in my family, school, work - and ...
Views: 1285 - ***Shyness - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2014 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you shy? Is your shyness getting in the way of your connection with others? ________________________________________ Have you struggled with being a shy person? Lily asks: "I try hard to overcome my shyness and reluctance to stand out, speak ...
Views: 1282 - ***You Want A Relationship, But Are You Emotionally Unavailable? - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. March 28, 2016 ________________________________________ Do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people or are you stuck in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? ________________________________________ Do you believe that you are fully ...
Views: 1281 - ***"How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?" - by Submitted on May 17, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother. ________________________________________ Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up ...
Views: 1280 - ***The Greatest Joy in Life - by Submitted on Oct 21, 2015 from Margaret Paul_______________________________________________________ There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life. _______________________________________________________ Take a moment to think about what you ...
Views: 1276(1 vote) - ***Kind at the Beginning…Critical Later. Why? - by Submitted on Jan 12, 2016 from Margaret PaulMargaret Paul, Ph.D. January 11, 2016 ________________________________________ Have you been mystified when someone who has appeared to be very kind and caring suddenly becomes blaming, critical, or just disappears? ________________________________________ How often have you had ...
Views: 1275 - ***Are You Addicted to the Internet? - by Submitted on Nov 01, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you get addictively stuck on the Internet and can't seem to find your way out? ________________________________________ Our society provides many ways we can avoid our feelings addictively. Many people today are addicted to being on the Internet ...
Views: 1274 - *** If You Learn To Love Yourself, Will You End Up Alone? - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. October 03, 2016 If you learn to love yourself and you become happy and whole, will you end up alone? Will a partner want you if you are not needy? I had been working with Kathleen for a few months when we had the following discussion: KATHLEEN: I know that the ...
Views: 1272 - ***I Fall Too Hard In Love - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you find yourself getting hurt over and over in relationships? Discover why. ________________________________________ Do you find yourself falling hard for someone and then ending up feeling rejected and not good enough when it ends? This is the ...
Views: 1272 - *** Loving Yourself Through Heartbreak and Grief - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, PhD December 05, 2016 ________________________________________ Learn how to love yourself through heartbreak and grief, rather than continue to abandon yourself in ways that are hurting you. ________________________________________ Take a moment right now to ...
Views: 1267 - ***"How Can I Manage Overwhelm?" - by Submitted on Oct 18, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you often feel overwhelmed with demands, tasks and life in general? ________________________________________ Most of us lead very busy lives and it is easy to become overwhelmed with all we need to do. In addition, about 15% to 20% of us are born ...
Views: 1262 - A Major Cause of Emotional Suffering - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2018 from Margaret PaulIs there one thing that is the primary cause of emotional suffering? Yes! Discover the one choice that underlies your emotional suffering. Is it possible that there is one major cause of emotional pain and suffering? Yes! The major cause of suffering is UNKINDNESS - to yourself and to ...
Views: 1260 - ***Are You a Real Friend? - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Do you have good friends? Are you a good friend – both with yourself and with others? ________________________________________ "A real friend is one who helps us to think our noblest thoughts, put forth our best efforts, and be our best selves." ...
Views: 1253 - ***Staying Centered in Conflict - by Submitted on Mar 22, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you conflict-avoidant? Does conflict terrify you? Discover how to heal this. ________________________________________ Angela writes: "I avoid conflict as much as possible because I cannot handle the anxiety it produces in me, as if I am going ...
Views: 1253 - ***Are You Playing Too Small? - by Submitted on May 16, 2014 from Margaret PaulAre you limiting your life – allowing fear to stop you from doing what brings you joy? "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." ~Nelson Mandela Do you feel passionate about your ...
Views: 1250 - ***When You Reach for Help, Are You Loving or Abandoning Yourself? - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 25, 2016 ________________________________________ Discover the big difference between reaching out as your loving adult or as your wounded self. ________________________________________ Dorothy asked an important question: "What is the difference ...
Views: 1248(1 vote) - ***What Are You Waiting For? - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2014 from Margaret PaulIs there something you've always wanted to do but have never done? What’s stopping you? “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” –Chinese Proverb How often do you say to yourself, "I wish I had…..?" ...
Views: 1246 - ***Loving Yourself When You Feel Rejected - by Submitted on Nov 22, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, PhD November 22, 2016 Do you know how love yourself when you feel rejected? Start learning how now! What do you generally do when you feel rejected? If you're like most people, you either try to control the rejecting person, or you take it out on yourself with various ...
Views: 1242 - ***Single? What Are Your False Beliefs About Relationships? - by Submitted on Dec 06, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ If you are single, do you relate to any of these false beliefs about being in a relationship? ________________________________________ I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about relationships. If ...
Views: 1241 - Whose Feelings Are You Responsible For - Yours or Others? - by Submitted on Aug 27, 2018 from Margaret PaulDo you believe you are responsible for causing others' anger, hurt, sadness or anxiety? Is this causing you to feel guilty? "My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job," Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. "She feels so alone and lost when I'm gone. When I talk ...
Views: 1241 - ***Healing Your Inner Cult - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2015 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Heal your inner cult with the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. _______________________________________ What do you picture when you think of the word 'cult?' For me, what comes to mind is being involved in a community where you have to follow certain ...
Views: 1239 - ***The Fear of Being Excluded - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2016 from Margaret PaulBy Margaret Paul, Ph. D. February 01, 2016 ___________________________________________________________ You CAN heal a fear of being excluded and rejected! ___________________________________________________________ Many of us grew up experiencing, in one way or another, the pain of ...
Views: 1239 - ***"How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?" - by Submitted on May 24, 2013 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain? ________________________________________ I have worked with couples for 44 years, and one thing I can tell you for sure: relationships are a system, and each ...
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