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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Moving Beyond Codependency: Saving Your Marriage - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2007 from Margaret PaulI have counseled couples for almost 40 years, and it still thrills me when a couple, especially a couple with children, choose to work on their troubled marriage instead of leave it. It is my experience that when two people really want to save their marriage, they can. Even if one person wants ...
Views: 6304(1 vote) - If I Am Myself, I Will End Up Alone - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2007 from Margaret PaulPeggy had been married to James for 14 years when she first consulted with me for help with her relationship and her anxiety. "I can't stand being in this marriage anymore. We have two wonderful children and I don't want to break up this family, but I’m miserable and anxious much of the time. ...
Views: 3055(1 vote) - Forgiving Your Parents - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2007 from Margaret Paul"My parents were distant, unaffectionate people. I don't remember ever being held by them. They were never interested in how I thought or felt. I never felt important to them at all." "My mother was crazy - nice one minute and the next a screaming maniac. My father was sweet but he was never ...
Views: 4238(1 vote) - Control and Resistance - the Relationship Gremlins - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I'm so sick and tired of Andrea's anger and bossiness that I'm about ready to leave this relationship," said Paul in our phone counseling session. "Everything has to be her way. Why can't she just keep her mouth shut? She is ruining this relationship. I hate her judgmentalness. Every time she ...
Views: 2755(1 vote) - Addiction to Numbness - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2007 from Margaret PaulLinda sat opposite me at one of my five-day Inner Bonding Intensives. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried. As she sat opposite me, telling me ...
Views: 2490 - Doorways To the Presence of Spirit - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2007 from Margaret Paul"How can I be more spiritually connected? How can I hear the voice of my spiritual guidance?" I frequently hear these questions from my clients and from people who attend my workshops and intensives. Everyone who is on a spiritual path wants to experience the presence of Spirit in his or her ...
Views: 3909(1 vote) - Relationships: Mysteries Of Attraction - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2007 from Margaret PaulWe are attracted to each other at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. What does this mean? For example, Jackson, a very attractive man in his early 50s, had been married three times and had been in many relationships. He consulted with me because he was tired of ...
Views: 3522 - Self-Judgment and Sexual Addiction - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulHarv called me for phone consultations because his wife, Nancy, threatened to leave him if he did not get some help. "I must be all messed up with my sexuality. I constantly want sex with my wife and she is fed up with it. When she won't have sex with me I'm angry and sullen. I love my wife ...
Views: 3661(1 vote) - Leaving An Abusive Relationship - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2007 from Margaret PaulJennifer consulted with me regarding her 18-year marriage. "I just don't know what to do. I believe in marriage, and I have tried to believe in my marriage. But Jake's drinking has been getting worse and worse for most of our marriage, and so are his rages. Occasionally he has hit me, and last ...
Views: 2289 - Alcoholism: Why Can't I Stop Drinking? - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2007 from Margaret PaulThe underlying basis of all addictions - and alcohol is no exception - is the avoidance of pain. While there is evidence that some people have genetic and biological predispositions toward alcoholism, not all people with these predispositions abuse alcohol or become alcohol dependent. Many ...
Views: 11226(2 votes) - The Need for Emotional Intimacy - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2007 from Margaret Paul"My husband and I have a great working relationship. He's great to the kids, he's nice to me, he works hard on the house but he isn't very interested in getting to know me for who I really am. Any exploration around personal growth is threatening to him. Sometimes I feel so depressed to think ...
Views: 2395 - Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2007 from Margaret Paul"Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry," said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. "I have become more and more shut down. I don't want our marriage to end, but if we keep going ...
Views: 2405(1 vote) - Healthy Guilt, Unhealthy Guilt - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2007 from Margaret PaulGuilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong. Healthy Guilt Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have actually done something wrong - such as deliberately harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having ...
Views: 3274 - Parenting: Prescribing the Symptom - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2007 from Margaret PaulRebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring ...
Views: 2554(2 votes) - Why Do You Want to "Communicate" With Your Partner? - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2007 from Margaret PaulWhen partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate? There are various reasons for communicating: 1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, "I'm going out for a ...
Views: 3091(1 vote) - Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that it is your job as a parent to have control over your children? Do you find yourself trying to control your children in the ways your parents tried to control you, or in the ways you learned from siblings, friends or relatives? Do you hope that through yelling, threatening, ...
Views: 2545 - The Consequences of Permissive Parenting - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2007 from Margaret PaulYou are being a permissive parent when you are compliant, indulgent, or indifferent with your children. When you are being compliant, you are giving yourself up and going along with what your children want to avoid their upset with you. When you are being indulgent, you are giving in to your ...
Views: 6167(2 votes) - Connecting With Your Higher Self - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2007 from Margaret PaulWhen you want to listen to a particular radio station, you tune your radio to that station, tuning in to a particular frequency. Same when you want to watch a particular show on TV. It is the frequency you tune into that determines what you hear and what you see. Our brains operate in very much ...
Views: 4280 - Anxiety: A Lack of Reality - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2007 from Margaret PaulBrent started to work with me after his wife, Carla, suddenly decided to leave the marriage. They had been married five years and Brent thought everything was fine. Then Brent became ill and Carla withdrew. And then she was gone. Brent was devastated. He loved Carla and wanted her back. ...
Views: 3273 - Do You Need Others' Approval? - by Submitted on May 23, 2007 from Margaret Paul"At work, every time I have to speak at meetings, I get so stressed." "I’m taking a class and I'm always afraid to raise my hand and ask a question." "I'm fine one to one, but as soon as I get into a group, I'm so tense I can hardly stand it." "I'm totally relaxed with my women friends, but ...
Views: 4266(1 vote) - Energy Vampires - by Submitted on May 22, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you sometimes wonder why you feel so drained after being with some people, while you feel energized when being with others? Some people are energy vampires, and actually drain energy from you. How do they do this? What can you do to avoid this? WAYS PEOPLE DRAIN ENERGY Sometimes the ways ...
Views: 7837(2 votes) - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3662(1 vote) - Dealing with Addiction in the Family - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulDealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, ...
Views: 3662(1 vote) - What to do if Your Spouse Won't Go to Counseling - by Submitted on May 08, 2007 from Margaret Paul"What should I do if my spouse won't go to counseling?" I often hear this from my clients. What are they really saying with this question? Generally, they are saying something like: "My unhappiness is coming from my spouse's behavior," or "The problems in our marriage are my spouses' fault," ...
Views: 4443 - Are You Love Addicted? - by Submitted on May 01, 2007 from Margaret PaulImagine that you have a little child - a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, ...
Views: 3398(1 vote) - Addiction to Venting - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her." "How often does this happen?" I asked her. "Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks." "Why do you ...
Views: 3695(1 vote) - The Challenge of Merging Your Lives - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2007 from Margaret PaulLily and Don, both in their 40s, decided to get married after dating each other for a year. Lily’s children were in college, while Don still had children coming to his house every other weekend. They discovered early in their marriage that it was one thing to date and quite another to ...
Views: 2553 - Alcoholism and Healing - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulJeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking. Two ...
Views: 3450(2 votes) - Are You Stuck in Your Life? - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2007 from Margaret PaulAre you constantly reading self-help and motivational books yet nothing changes? Have you tried many different forms of therapy yet still feel unhappy, anxious, depressed and alone? Do you often have the answers for others but not for yourself? The problem may be that you are intent on ...
Views: 3254 - Love Addiction, Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2007 from Margaret PaulIn my experience as a counselor for 40 years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society. What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a ...
Views: 4231(1 vote) - Being a Happy Parent – Part of Good Parenting - by Submitted on Dec 27, 2006 from Margaret PaulWhen you were growing up, did you ever wish that your parents were happy? Did you feel safe when they were happy and peaceful? My mother was rarely a happy person. Most of the time she was anxious, angry and felt overburdened, even though I was her only child. She rarely laughed and was often ...
Views: 2429 - The Power of Kindness in Relationships - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2006 from Margaret PaulThere is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness – to both yourself and to others. This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far more important to them than kindness. This is the choice to attempt to ...
Views: 3732 - The Fear of Being Alone - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2006 from Margaret PaulGina consulted with me because her marriage was falling apart. She had discovered that her husband was having yet another affair, and when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing ...
Views: 4682(1 vote) - 5 Actions For Successful Relationships - by Submitted on Nov 10, 2006 from Margaret PaulCouples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking. ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER Think for a ...
Views: 2400 - “I Need A Partner to be Happy” - by Submitted on Oct 06, 2006 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50’s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate ...
Views: 7061(1 vote) - What Are Your Feelings Telling You? - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2006 from Margaret PaulOur feelings are an incredible instant feedback system regarding what is good for us and what is bad for us. For example, our physically painful feelings let us know that something needs attending to regarding our physical body. If you put your hand on a hot stove, the burning feeling ...
Views: 4050 - Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2006 from Margaret PaulThink about this for a moment: Is it really possible to love your children without loving yourself, or to love yourself without loving your children? The answer is no. If you are ignoring yourself to take care of your children, this is not loving to your children or to yourself. While being ...
Views: 2966(2 votes) - Filling Up Externally, Filling Up Internally - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2006 from Margaret PaulWe all love to feel full inside, which is one of the reasons why eating too much is such a challenge for a lot of people. Yet, as soon as the food digests, many people go back to feeling empty, searching around for more food or something else to fill them up again. Feeling empty feels so awful ...
Views: 2741 - 5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them - by Submitted on Jul 26, 2006 from Margaret PaulAs a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers: CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear ...
Views: 2891 - What Does it Mean to “Self Improve?” - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulSelf Improvement has become mainstream. In the last few years, since I have been writing articles and submitting them to article sites, I’ve noticed that the category of “Self Improvement” has been showing up lately when it was never there before. To me, this is very good news. But what does it ...
Views: 3437(2 votes) - The Mirror of Relationships - by Submitted on Jun 29, 2006 from Margaret PaulNedra, one of my clients, was quite upset when she received an email from her friend, Roxanne, ending their friendship. The email was quite blaming, telling Nedra that she was narcissistic, selfish, and uncaring. Roxanne complained that Nedra just talked about herself and was never there for ...
Views: 2510 - Toxic Guilt, Healthy Guilt - by Submitted on Jun 10, 2006 from Margaret PaulGuilt is an important feeling. It is the appropriate feeling to have when we have deliberately done something hurtful or harmful to others. People who can harm others without any feelings of guilt or remorse were formerly called sociopaths or psychopathic personalities, and are now defined as ...
Views: 8579(2 votes) - Addiction to Self-Judgment - by Submitted on May 01, 2006 from Margaret Paul“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll ...
Views: 6812 - Accessing Your Spiritual Guidance - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2006 from Margaret PaulFor the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a traditional psychotherapist, and was not happy ...
Views: 3541(1 vote) - Fear of Commitment - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2006 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.” Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same ...
Views: 2817 - Fears of a New Relationship - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2006 from Margaret PaulKatie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman. After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of ...
Views: 2830 - Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2006 from Margaret PaulIn the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling ...
Views: 2830(1 vote) - Less Talk, More Action! - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2006 from Margaret PaulIt is time for less talk and more action - loving action. Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear. Many people who have been on a path of personal and ...
Views: 2427 - Actions of Love - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2006 from Margaret PaulMyrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no ...
Views: 3350 - Your Children are on Their Own Soul's Journey - by Submitted on Dec 06, 2005 from Margaret PaulIn a phone session with Gerald, one of my clients, he expressed to me that he was feeling very sad about his son, Luc. Luc, 29 years old, was not doing much with his life, and Gerald was berating himself for how he had parented Luc. “I should have spent more time with him. I should have ...
Views: 3013 - Bonding With Your Partner - Without Candles, Wine or Lingerie! - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2005 from Margaret PaulA journalist interviewed me regarding intimacy in relationships. One of her questions was, “What are some of the easy ways in which husband and wife can bond - without candles and wine and expensive lingerie?” Easy ways? Well, it depends on what you mean by easy! Bonding has ...
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