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Articles from Shelley Stile | Selfgrowth.com
- How Divorce Affects Your Children - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2010 from Shelley StileRecently I spoke with a woman whose coaching practice revolves around the issue of children and divorce. She had many useful strategies for dealing with this challenge but what it all seemed to come down to is this: if you love your children more than you might hate, resent or simply dislike ...
Views: 1628(1 vote) - Divorce: Don’t ask Why? - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2010 from Shelley StileIn life, I have come to accept the fact that there are questions of mine that will never be answered to my satisfaction if at all. I have come to accept the fact that some things in life are beyond my comprehension and I must trust or have faith that certain occurrences are indeed outside the ...
Views: 1407(1 vote) - Was Your Divorce a Means to Healing Old Baggage? - by Submitted on Feb 03, 2010 from Shelley StileHere’s a fascinating take on divorce that I find more true than not: We choose our spouses, usually subconsciously, as a means to healing old emotional wounds we have been carrying around our entire life. Our divorce then becomes the wakeup call to clean up that mental baggage we have been ...
Views: 1257(2 votes) - Are Your Beliefs Setting You Up for Unhappiness? - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2010 from Shelley StileEach of us holds core beliefs about life. These belief systems have an incredible impact on our ability to be happy in life because they have a tendency to create expectations that all too often leave us feeling disappointed, resentful or angry. By uncovering these core beliefs, many of them ...
Views: 1036 - Life After Divorce: Choosing a Happy New Year - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2009 from Shelley StileThe New Year is the proverbial time to make resolutions about our lives. This year may I suggest that you resolve to make an empowering choice for yourself? Choose to have a Happy New Year. As human beings, the ability to consciously choose is our most powerful attribute. Choice is ours and ...
Views: 1284(1 vote) - Newly Divorced and Surviving the Holidays - by Submitted on Dec 04, 2009 from Shelley StileThe Holidays are upon us once again and for many of you, this might be the first time around as a new unit, I.E. without your ex. It’s a difficult time, no doubt about it, and just another step in the transition into a new life after divorce. If you plan for this season you can make it easier ...
Views: 1236(1 vote) - Does Divorce Have To Have A Negative Impact On Our Kids? - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileGoing through a divorce where there are children involved is an anxiety-provoking scenario with much worry on the past of the parents as to what negative effects the divorce will have on their kids. I firmly believe that it isn’t so much the divorce but how you choose to handle the divorce that ...
Views: 1455 - Life After Divorce: Living with Change and Uncertainty - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley Stile“If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic.” -- Hazel Henderson (Economist, writer and syndicated columnist) Fear of our future ...
Views: 3078(1 vote) - Freedom is the Reward for Letting Go - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe ability to move on after your divorce entails the letting go of the past with its emotional baggage and negative emotions. If you can accomplish this feat then the heavy burdens you have been carrying will lift and you will experience the liberation of freedom: the ability to move unimpeded ...
Views: 1412 - Divorce: Acceptance of Your New Reality - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileWhat do you think of people who are detached from reality? People that are seemingly living in a world of their own making? It’s unnerving to say the least as well as truly sad. Yet for those of us attempting to recover from a divorce, our inability to fully accept our new reality is not too ...
Views: 2249 - Life After Divorce: The Power of Acceptance - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileIn Divorce Recovery, as well as any other major loss in life, acceptance is the most important and most difficult step we must take towards releasing the past and beginning a new chapter of life. By acceptance I mean the acceptance of your reality, as it exists for you right now: what is and ...
Views: 1222 - How to Handle your Emotions During Divorce - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileDivorce brings out the lunatic within us. Rage, anger, depression, sadness, resentment and blame are just some of negative emotions running the show. Your emotional state is hard to pin down from one moment to the next. This is not the best state of mind to be in when you are being called ...
Views: 1473 - Divorce: So-Called Mistakes Are Life Lessons - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileYour divorce is not a failure or a mistake. People miss an incredible opportunity to learn, grow and change for the better when they view their divorce through the lens of failure. A so-called failure is actually a lesson in how not to do something and an invaluable tool for doing things right ...
Views: 1229 - Divorce: You Can't Always Get What You Want - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can’t always get what you want but you get what you need… that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted ...
Views: 949 - Divorce Recovery: Acceptance Of What Was And What Is - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe clients who come to me for help in letting go and moving on after their divorces discover that acceptance, a mandatory step in divorce recovery, comes in two stages. First we work to be in acceptance of the end of our marriage and then we move on to accept what our life is now, in the ...
Views: 1177 - Divorce Recovery: Beware Expectations! - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileIn a nutshell, expectations are premeditated resentments and disappointments. They are self-sabotaging beliefs we hold that literally set us up to feel bad and keep us stuck in the pain of our divorce. They are in direct conflict with how the world actually works and are based on the phrase, ...
Views: 1110 - Divorce Recovery: Are Your Fears Holding you Back? - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileDivorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from moving forward ...
Views: 1141 - Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileFeeling or labeling yourself a victim of your divorce is one of the most disastrous moves you can make. It will prevent you from moving forward into a new life. Victimhood renders you powerless. To create a new life after your divorce takes a person who is fully responsible for their past, ...
Views: 928 - How To Forgive After Divorce - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileForgiveness is a miraculous act that serves as a release valve that propels us forward into a new life after divorce. To forgive is to be truly free, to be unencumbered by the past. The problem or challenge with forgiveness is that it is very difficult and oftentimes near impossible for us to go ...
Views: 1688 - The Real Divorce: Cutting The Ties That Bind - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileYour divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce. The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband. This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, ...
Views: 1337 - Moving On After Your Divorce - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThere is no single more powerful stumbling block to moving beyond our divorce into a new life than the inability to accept our new reality. Acceptance is the hardest part of the divorce recovery process. Acceptance requires total honesty, courage and the willingness to let go of the life that ...
Views: 1211 - Recovering from Divorce: Honor the Truth - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileDo you remember the old adage that states there’s your side, there’s my side and then there’s the truth? If we were totally honest with ourselves, we too could see the truth of any situation. Once we accept that truth, we have the newfound freedom to gain clarity, discover ...
Views: 1208 - Divorce Recovery: Releasing Toxic Emotions And Thoughts - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy. It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved. If you want to lead a new life that is both ...
Views: 1091 - Cutivate Awareness And Change Your Life: Lessons From The Rainforest - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe rainforest in Central America taught me a wonderful lesson: if you can quiet yourself and truly focus your attention on your surroundings, you will see a multitude of things that were seemingly invisible. To view the wonders that the rainforest offers takes increased attention and ...
Views: 1172 - Reconnecting With Your Teenagers - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe week or so before the holidays was hell on wheels at my house. The task of raising two teenagers as a single Mom and all its attendant responsibilities creates a good deal of tension within our four walls. Any parent of a teen will understand. Too often I get the feeling that my life with ...
Views: 1154 - The Cost Of Being Right: A High Price To Pay - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe Cost of Being Right One of the highest prices we pay in life is the cost of being right. Some of us will sacrifice almost anything just in order to be the last one standing. A person who had been surrounded by their peers now sits alone, safe in the knowledge that he or she is right ...
Views: 1297 - How Gratitude Can Change Your Life - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThanksgiving is right around the corner, the holiday that has its origin in the Puritan’s tradition of giving thanks for a good harvest. The Puritans weren’t the first in this regard. Many religious and societal traditions are based in the concept of gratitude. What all these ...
Views: 1176 - Creating Postive Changes In Your Life - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe Inner Work of Creating Positive Change Contrary to a widely held belief that people do not change, I submit to you that people do change and often in dramatic, life-altering ways. I say this with full confidence as I have witnessed it happen time and time again. Creating positive ...
Views: 1104 - The Good Life - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileI was listening to the MSNBC on the radio the other day when a feature came on entitled, ‘The Good Life’. They proceeded to discuss a $14,000 dessert being offered in Sri Lanka that included, amongst other things, an aquamarine. No kidding. This is how MSNBC characterizes the good ...
Views: 1307 - Conscious Living: The Key to Lasting and Positive Change - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileConscious Living: The Key to Positive and Lasting Change Conscious: aware of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts and surroundings; aware of what one is doing. Unconscious : without awareness or cognition; occurring below the level of conscious thought; not consciously planned, ...
Views: 1288 - Relationships: Why They Change - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileRelationships. Why do they change? So often we find ourselves struggling to maintain a long-term relationship that somehow doesn't feel as good as it used to. Our sense of history and loyalty motivate us to do whatever we can to keep that relationship alive. How do we know when it is time to ...
Views: 965 - Divorce: Pain and Rebirth - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThose of us who have gone through a divorce understand all too well the pain and grief we experience. We have lost our spouse, what we thought was our life partner, a loss similar to the death of a loved one. What is worse though, is losing all the many aspects of a life lived together as a ...
Views: 1328 - Our Aging Parents - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileI am now in the generation whose parents are getting old and sick. It’s the cycle of life. I remember when my grandfather was in the hospital dying. My Father was by his bedside all the time. Now we are facing that stark reality: our parent’s decline and their mortality. Our ...
Views: 998 - Transforming Your Significant Relationship - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileIt may to difficult to accept but the ingredients for a happy and fulfilling relationship with your significant other or spouse rests on the foundation of acceptance. Acceptance of the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Acceptance of who that person is at their core. Acceptance of ...
Views: 1143 - Don't Settle for Less in Life - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileDon’t Settle for Less in Life by Shelley Stile/Life Coach What happens when a sense of dissonance is ignored? More likely than not, it will result in a life filled with regret and bitterness. A good friend of mine, Pat, has been married for about twenty-three years. She and her ...
Views: 9207(2 votes) - Our Children's Future - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileWe worry about our kids: their well-being and happy future are our main concerns in life. We long for them to be content and successful at whatever they choose to do. We hope that we’ll be able to provide them with the same kind of help that many of us have received from our own parents. ...
Views: 1002 - How To Stop Bad Habits - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileHave you ever heard the expression,” Quit banging your head against the wall!” It’s an old expression my Mom used that basically translates into: There are certain things we do that are as productive and healthy as banging your head against the wall. The interesting ...
Views: 1595 - The Second Half of Life - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2009 from Shelley StileThe Second Half of Life I’m 55 years old. Really. It seems like yesterday I was bopping down the streets of Manhattan with my buddies and today I’m in bed by 10 pm. And whose body is this? Not to mention the fact that now that I’m in my 50’s, what do I want to do ...
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