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Articles from Joan Chamberlain | Selfgrowth.com
- Too Many High Self Expectations - by Submitted on Aug 15, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA shocked Ethan arrived at my office the day after he’d had a visit to the emergency room of a nearby hospital. The doctors there assured him that no, he hadn’t had a heart attack. He’d had an anxiety attack. All he knew was that whatever it was it felt awful. Now, he was terrified it would ...
Views: 2268 - Great Communications - by Submitted on Aug 15, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Relationship Talk... If you want a full-of-respect, caring relationship, try this full-of-caring, respectful talk with anyone in your circle that you care about. It's especially important with your intimate partner. 1. Be PRESENT. When you're "present" to ...
Views: 1450 - Pleasers are Really Naïve’ and Unaware - by Submitted on Aug 15, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Pleasing Personality. I was talking with Ryan yesterday. He’s about seven months into a divorce proceeding and pretty bitter about it. We’ve talked about his 13-year marriage many times, exploring it from different angles to learn more about Ryan. This marriage is his ...
Views: 1413 - Taking Care of Ourselves - Why Don’t We Do It? - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Self-Esteem. As Lily and I talked she told me about a situation at work. She’s a data entry person and is now eligible for the company’s health insurance. Her boss promised that the insurance information would be available two weeks ago but no one had gotten ...
Views: 1904 - Positive Self-Talk in Place of Defenses - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Personality and Relationships. Often, we don’t understand how powerful our thoughts are about ourselves. That’s because usually we’re not aware of them. When other people give us messages about our appearance, abilities, performance, etc., we can actually hear them. ...
Views: 1315 - A Deeper Look at Defenses: Andy and Julie - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Defenses of Criticism and Blame. Have you ever heard the phrase, “emotionally unsafe,” but didn’t quite know what it meant? Or, have you ever really felt emotionally not safe but weren’t sure why? You feel that way when you’ve been treated badly by ...
Views: 1307 - Do You Talk to Your Intimate Partner by Telling or Asking? - by Submitted on Jan 20, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at “Talk” in Intimate Relations When I met this morning with Jeff and Erika, the topic was how they talk to each other. These two people love each other; they've been married 31 years, have three grown children, and yet have never been able to really communicate at an ...
Views: 1370 - Are You Nice or Mean to Your Intimate Other? - by Submitted on Jan 16, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Relationships In my talk with Julie this morning the subject of respect and just plain good manners, or lack of them, came up. I’ve had the same talk in the last four days with three other people, all of whom are either married or living together in committed ...
Views: 1685(1 vote) - Believe It or Not, Lots of Attention Makes a Child Weak - by Submitted on Jan 03, 2012 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Personality Styles in Parenting... Recently, I talked with John, a very frustrated dad. He described a recurring incident with his six-year-old son, Aaron, that just made him want to climb the walls. This particular afternoon, Aaron and his friend, Suzanne, were ...
Views: 1630 - A Mother’s Manipulation of a Grown Daughter - by Submitted on Dec 30, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Relationships -- Defenses (Not Listening and Others). I’ve been talking with Rachel, who is now 21, off and on, since the summer before she entered the University of Missouri. Some of our talks are about worries that are “normal” for a young girl in college: dating, ...
Views: 12689 - Good Relationship Skills Encourage Intimacy - by Submitted on Dec 30, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Relationship Skills. I call each of these items below “skills” because in order to become really good at them, we must practice and, sometimes, practice and practice some more. I saw Marci this morning. She came to talk with me about her marriage of 33 years. Her ...
Views: 1741 - Personal Beliefs Necessary For Self-Esteem - by Submitted on Dec 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainYou probably already know that self-confidence (self-esteem) is necessary to feel happiness inside and to achieve success out in the world. So, increasing our awareness of ourselves is pretty important as we do our life journey. Let’s get acquainted with how a self-confident person thinks. ...
Views: 1390 - Pay Attention to Your Feelings – They’re Your Friends - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Your Feelings. After all these years of talking with people, I’m still surprised at how many people aren’t acquainted with their feelings. I don’t mean that they don’t have feelings. I mean that they’re (1) unaware of having them, and (2) even when they become aware, ...
Views: 2705 - A Deeper Look at “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” - by Submitted on Dec 20, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainThe Story Line. The Whos are preparing for their Christmas celebration. They’re obsessed with buying, giving, getting and decorating. Right from the start Cindy Lou, about 8 years old, observes all this activity and asks her father if it’s”right.” He brushes her off and says that this ...
Views: 3379 - Talking and Listening - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Conversation in Relationship… Over time, observing myself and others, I notice how much we all just open our mouths and talk without any thinking or filtering. Most of us are reactive and on auto-pilot. Sometimes this careless conversation works okay but many times, it ...
Views: 1171 - A Deeper Look at “Yours, Mine and Ours” - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainThe Story Line. This is such a great story, at least from my values perspective (more later on that). It’s really funny, too, but not ridiculous. It’s a very light couple of hours, nothing heavy. And, for most of us that’s a good thing, at least once in a while. Frank and Helen, who were ...
Views: 4268(1 vote) - Love and Respect in Relationships - by Submitted on Dec 01, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainI’m always a little bit surprised when people who live together don’t respect each other enough to (1) listen, really, listen, (2) try to understand their partner and then, (3) work to compromise. It actually seems illogical. If you buy the idea that we’re each unique human beings, then it ...
Views: 2217 - But, What About Next Month? - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Money Issues in Relationships… Nick and Ashley weren’t talking to each other when I came into the room. That’s never a good sign. But, I was hopeful that they’d be talking by the time we were finished. Money was our topic (the content) but what we spent most of our ...
Views: 1431(1 vote) - “No More Running; I Can Stand Up For Myself.” - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Pleasing Personality in a Work Setting… As I sat down, I asked Judy how her week had gone. Her reply, “Definitely not good.” So, I asked if something had happened. Yes, something had. Judy is an engineering consultant. She has a degree and 20 years of experience ...
Views: 1780(1 vote) - A Deeper Look at Mariska Hargitay’s Five Life Principles - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainThe Magazine was Published in the Fall of 2010. I Reviewed the Article in the Fall of 2010. My “Good Housekeeping” magazine came the other day and I’ve finally had time to sit down and go through it. It’s a magazine with a long, great history and it has done well evolving through its ...
Views: 2839(1 vote) - A Deeper Look at National Public Radio – Judging Others - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainThis NPR program was aired in November of 2010. I’d finished writing a “Deeper Look” movie review of “The Blind Side” last night. But, now it’s Sunday morning and I’m planting shrubs in my back yard. I’m hoping to turn my mud spot into a sea of green; it would feel so much better when ...
Views: 1455 - Exaggerated Comfort Will Rob You of Life - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Comfort Personality. Joel and I were talking the other day about some of his personality traits. A few of them are holding him back. Our talk focused on why he has no goals and, so, no direction. He’s busing tables in a restaurant now, but wants to move on to a “real” ...
Views: 1479 - How a Parent’s Personality Affects Parenting - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Parenting. Alice’s style is balanced in Control (Over her Environment). She wants Jimmy to: (1) listen to her, (2) do small tasks he’s capable of, and (3) generally cooperate. When he ignores her cries, screams and does his own thing, she gives him a consequence: (1) a ...
Views: 1682(2 votes) - Soothing Gratefulness - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainSometimes when I’m really tired or I realize I won’t get everything on my perpetual to-do list done, I hear myself complaining. My next thought? Oh, it’s just me being grumpy; I’m feeling sorry for myself. It’s then that I remind myself how rich my life is and how much I have to be grateful ...
Views: 1687(2 votes) - Talking With Your Kids - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Positive Parenting. Sometimes, especially if our child/teen is doing well, we parents tend to forget about giving her that pat on the back. Or, we assume she doesn’t need it. Not so. Everyone enjoys being noticed or getting support. Your child/teen also wants to ...
Views: 1454(3 votes) - Participation in a Relationship is a Must - by Submitted on Oct 20, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at The Passive/Active Concept in Relationships. Waiting isn’t Participating Yesterday I talked with Frank and Nicole about their very different life postures: passive or active. Frank and Nicole have been together for a little over two years. They truly love each ...
Views: 1645 - 10 Ways to Build a Great Relationship with Your Child - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at How Parents Show Encouragement. Image by Ed YourdonThe following statements are brief. But, they’re huge in meaning. If you’ll read them slowly as you study your child and yourself, if you’ll think about and digest them even more slowly, you’ll achieve a deeper and ...
Views: 1421 - Getting to Know You: A Necessary Requirement - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Personality. I’ve known Tony for quite a while. He’s going through a rough time now, divorcing for the third time. He doesn’t really understand why his marriages fail. Two reasons: (1) he doesn’t know himself deeply. That means he always reacts to people instead of ...
Views: 1609(2 votes) - I Love Warren Buffett! And Bill Gates! - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainNo, not because they’re both hugely rich but because they both remind me of my Uncle Johnny. And by that, I mean they live by clear, positive beliefs and they each know exactly what their values are. So, what are their beliefs and values that I like so much? I’ve just watched an ...
Views: 2118 - Are You a “Head” or a “Feeling” Person? And Why Does It Matter? - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Personality Concepts. Image by Ed YourdonUsually, when I'm meeting with a couple that's having trouble talking together, I'll ask each of them to identify whether they're a "head" person or a "feeling" person? They usually know already and that gets us off to a good ...
Views: 2397 - Dick Cheney’s New Book: ‘In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir’ - by Submitted on Oct 16, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Controlling Personality. I’m a daily reader of USA Today, a wonderful newspaper. Susan Page, a USA Today writer, wrote a long, informative piece on Dick Cheney after ...
Views: 1621 - What Happened To Tiger Woods? - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Exaggerated Superiority Personality and Awareness of Self. Good ole’ USA Today; they even make the sports page interesting. Last week in a wire service report, there was a short article about both Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh. Only five paragraphs about Tiger Woods. ...
Views: 2764 - Whoever Said I Don’t Have To Do It Because I Don’t Want To? - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Comfort Personality. Sue is a stay-at-home mom, so she doesn’t work outside her home. When I asked how she spent her time on a typical day, she just mentioned play groups for her and Alex, or social time with her friends when Alex is in school. She didn’t mention house ...
Views: 1041 - Crazy Drivers Make Me Mad - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at the Control Personality. Sam and I were having a conversation about why he’s depressed. I said that I knew his dad, Carl, had the same problem. Yeah, he thought his personality was like his dad’s in some ways. Like his dad, he’s angry a lot. (By the way, over time, ...
Views: 1153 - A Missing Personality Trait - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Personality Traits In a Relationship When Ashley came to talk last night, I expected Mike to be with her. But instead, she was alone. He’d gone grocery shopping and had completely lost track of time. She was disappointed and frustrated at the same time. She and Mike ...
Views: 1065 - Respectful Talk, Negotiation and Compromise - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2011 from Joan ChamberlainA Deeper Look at Relationship Talk. Just as there’s no crying in baseball, there’s no arguing in committed relationships. Yes, there’s disagreement because we’re all different. Yes, there’s discussion if our views are different. But, within the discussion there’s respect. Then, ...
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