Transformation feels scary. Why? It is mostly because we’ve been conditioned unwittingly to think of change as “life threatening.” Granted, we have an instinct for survival wired into our brain, yet we have a greater authority – conscious choice – that can temper the violence of this fear-response to change. If we do not realize that we can “rewire” our brain and change this perception, we will continue to act robotically. This would not be so unhealthy if we had not been programmed with so much fear and limitation in our thinking. Who wired us? Where does this come from?

Answer: Genetics, environment, karma (some people do believe in reincarnation; life does cycle, after all), and personal perception based on choice – conscious or otherwise – and often done before age 7!

Real transformation begins with a collaboration between our own mind and heart – thought and feeling. Speaking from personal experience, I can say that because my perception decided as a teenager that feelings were bad and “terrifying,” so I decided to repress them with my will. This is NOT a good idea. Doing this will “retrain your brain” to see feelings as the “enemy” and will kick in your “survival” stress response so fast you will be hijacked before you can blink.

One reason we associate “bad” feelings with transformation that expands us is because we were also unwittingly taught that it is a good thing to “humble” yourself by thinking small. You don’t want to get “too big for your britches.” Well, if our pants were too small we’d buy a bigger size – or change something. Why do we keep our minds stuffed into a little box?

Or, perhaps some ignorant adult trying to motivate us told us that we would “amount to nothing.” This set some of us on a track of becoming never satiated, hungry overachievers – always “doing” to avoid feelings of “not good enough.” Not a good idea, let me tell you! The message here is to realize that transformation does not have to be so “scary.” You will first have to learn how to gain insights into how you are co-creating your experiences by learning via your logical brain, and how and why this “logic” fears feelings so much. The logical side will block your insights if you fear even listening to new ideas.

Most people feel “safe” by believing the “same old, same old” because we’ve trained our brains to behave this way. I’ve experienced this shift that I’m writing about here. It’s the shift to begin to free your mind from the tyranny of old, outdated information that keeps you stuck and afraid to change. It’s the tyranny of only focusing on worry and “surviving” that is blocking our ability to thrive. One of the big keys is physiologically and logically learning how to “make friends” with your feelings.

Until you do this, your joy and passion for life will remain buried under all that fear. And FEAR – Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality – will stop you in your tracks when you attempt to reinvent yourself and/or innovate your business. Feelings are the door to expanding your spirit, your creativity, and your mind. It’s time to talk about the elephant in the room. The butterfly is breaking out! How do you feel about this?

Author's Bio: 

Valencia Ray, M.D. teaches business owners and corporate leaders how their amazing brain can actually hijack personal power -- not in the abstract, but in the context of integrating business and personal life. Dr. Ray, a board-certified eye surgeon and medical business owner for over 20 years before selling her practice, shares her own life changing process. By sharing her story, she helps others to expand their vision and learn that by living with purpose and confidence, it is possible to have a more integrated, healthier lifestyle – with less struggle, more inner peace and more abundance.

For more information and to contact her regarding dynamic, inspirational keynotes, trainings in collaborative leadership and team building, entrepreneurship and coaching programs, visit her website at