Top 10 Ways to Make Powerful Requests

According to some experts there are only two ways to create in the world: making promises and making requests. Here are the Top 10 Ways to make those requests powerful ones.

1. Make them.

Making requests is a major source of power and some people need to start by simply making them. Make requests and make them direct ones. We often make indirect requests by communicating a need and "hoping" that the unspoken request will be heard and honored. Making explicit requests brings these "shoulds" out into the open.

2. Make sure that there's an effective listener - that the request is being heard.

Some people have a more conscious relationship to giving their word than others. Do what needs to be done to make sure that you have a conscious and effective listener to your requests. Otherwise, you could be counting on someone to honor a request that they didn't even really hear.

3. Be specific in exactly what is being asked for.

Get clear about what you need and then eliminate any room for interpretation in getting those needs met. Don't, for example, request "support in going back to school". Make the exact requests that are needed.

"I'm requesting that you take over both fixing dinner - and doing the kids' homework with them - on weeknights so that I can use that time to study."

Otherwise, you're left open to either getting "support" that doesn't actually support you, or getting "support" that you don't even recognize as support and left feeling like the request was never honored.

4. Make sure that there is agreement on the time frame.

This is not only necessary to include as part of a request for it to empower both you and the person accepting the request, it's a powerful way to avoid upsets. Even the simplest of requests like "Would you please take out the trash?" can lead to frustration and upset if there isn't an explicit agreement on the time frame.

Don't make assumptions.

Instead, "Would you please stop what you're doing and take out the trash now?"

5. Get a response.

There are three possible responses to a request: yes, no, and a counteroffer. We're all human beings and we're often tempted to say nothing at all rather than have to say "no". Getting a response makes sure that you're not assuming a "yes" when it's simply an unspoken "no". Also, without a clear cut "yes", there is no commitment being made and much of the real power has been drained out of the request.

"No" is a perfectly legitimate response to a request. If you don't think so, then you're not making requests; you're making demands or taking hostages.

Powerful requests often take some negotiating, and counteroffers are a powerful way to bring people to the "table".

When you're the one being asked to accept a request, get clear on what you would be agreeing to and be willing to say "no".

6. Make requests for something that wasn't going to happen anyway.

Making requests is an underutilized art form. The kinds of requests people often make are requests for something that was going to happen anyway. Mastering this aspect of requests is like building a muscle and it takes discipline and commitment to develop.

7. Be willing to be responsible for it no matter how it turns out.

Making a request and evoking a commitment to honor it doesn't mean we're done. Powerful requests need to be managed. Being willing to be responsible for it all means that we stay connected to what is being created by our request. Powerful requests may need to be renegotiated to ensure that everyone continues to be set up to win.

Powerful requests also need to be managed with accountability. When we don't hold people accountable for their commitment to honor our requests we send a message that will undermine any commitments they make to us in the future.

Being willing to be responsible for it all gives us the freedom we need to learn all of the lessons that that are available to us from our effectiveness, or our lack of it, at making powerful requests and at managing them.

8. Be powerful.

Be straight, risky, and clean in your communication and open the door wide to simply taking what you get as a response. Take the risk of hearing a "no".

9. Be inspiring.

Make powerful requests that inspire cooperation.

10. Be unreasonable.

Be unreasonable in your expectations of yourself and others far beyond what you think they are capable of. Also be unreasonable in your expectations of others' willingness to support you.

Make unreasonable requests! It's the only way to get unreasonable amounts of support.