The Words That Can Hurt Your Self-Esteem (and How to Handle Them in a Healthy Way)

In this article I would like to share an issue that is a bit sneaky and can have big consequences in the long run.

That issue is: the words we use in our minds and in conversations with other people.

And, to be more specific, two words and variations of them that can sink your self-esteem and keep it low.
The words? Never and always.

And similar variations of those words like no one and everyone.

Let me show a few examples.

You may, for instance, say or think:

- Everyone is better than me in school.
- I never have any luck in my career.
- This always happens to me.
- Why do I never have any luck when I go on a date?
- Why doesn't anyone like me?

When you say or think such things you overgeneralize reality and how things really are in your life. You see your life in black and white.

And that incorrect image of yourself and what is happening can lead you to aiming for the very destructive habit of perfectionism. Or you may fall into other just as harmful traps like becoming depressed and stuck in inaction. Or you will maybe put an enormous amount of pressure on yourself.

That is certainly no good for the self-esteem. And it is no good for your mental health and success.

So what can you do instead?

Here are a few steps that you can follow that will help you to keep your self-esteem steadier when you are in a tough spot but also raise it in general:

1. When one of these words or thoughts pop up then stop the thought right away. As catch yourself overgeneralizing yourself or life shout (in your mind) a stop-word like: No,no,no! Or use my favorite phrase: No, no, we are not going there!

2. Find an exception to this black and white thought. Ask yourself: what is the exception to this though? Find one exception or several to your overgeneralized thought to start finding a more grey and correct image of yourself and reality. Maybe you are good at some things in school. Maybe you have had lucky breaks once or twice in your career.

3. Look for the real evidence. Another way to break the black and white thought apart is to ask yourself: what is the evidence that I really have that make me think this thought? Take a few minutes to consider his. You may find that your overgeneralizations stand on a shaky foundation based on very little or no evidence at all.

Try to use these steps as best you can when one of the destructive words pop up in your mind. And know that it can take some practice to get these habits to click for you and for them to become really effective. So be patient.

I hope this explanation of why these words can be so harmful plus the three steps outlines above will be able to help you to live a happier life filled with high self-esteem and inner freedom instead worries, nervousness and inner limits and negative thinking that hold you back from what you truly want and deserve in your life.