One of the hardest stages in the relationship cycle is moving on. Many of us ask the question, "Why am I still thinking about my ex?" We've all suffered through nights when we couldn't sleep because thoughts about the ex just wouldn't quit. That's normal. Here are 4 reasons why we continue to think about the past:

1. Lack of closure.

When there's no closure, one of the parties can't stop thinking about the partner who left him or her. Regardless of gender, the one that gets left behind without knowing the reason why will be tormented mentally.

2. Guilt.

Another reason why I kept on thinking about my ex was because of guilt. Although I didn't do anything really bad during the relationship, I felt guilty about how my ex took the separation. It's somehow a burden to know that someone's life got messed up because of a breakup.

3. Regret.

Then there are those should-haves and could-haves. I thought about my ex at times because I felt like the relationship could have gone further if I had done things differntly. And, of course, there were also things I realized were important enough to save what we had, but none of us did anyway. The Sex & Run: How To Avoid Being His One Night Stand EXPERT

4. You want him back.

Last but not least, I realized after a bad break up that I was thinking about my ex because I wanted him back. Most people may have felt this way at one time or another, and the worst part is, it gets harder every day. Even when I knew that the relationship wouldn't work out anyway, I still felt like I wanted my ex back.

Here's how I moved on.

1. Acceptance.

Some people say that thinking about past relationships or past lovers is like pining for the old love. So the first step to moving on is to accept what happened. Letting go of the ex means we should let the separation sink into our minds. There will be no use thinking of, "If only I was ..." or "If only my ex was ..." etc. In other words, get rid of the regrets.

2. Reach out to people who are still in your life.

Although at some point, your ex likely became your life, don't forget that you still have your own family and your friends who are still there to support you and love you. It will also be selfish to think about who you have lost when you still have a lot of people waiting to be loved by you. Going out with friends and setting time for your family will eventually help you forget about the ex. How Compassion Facilitates Forgiveness EXPERT

3. Focus on self-improvement.

When I had that break up, I was depressed. While I was thinking about my ex, I was on the other hand, forgetting all about my job and myself. The lesson here is that even if that someone leaves you, you still have the responsibility to go on with your life. So, instead of sulking and grieving, I learned to displace that energy on my work and on taking care of myself.

Email me anytime at and ask me questions so I can help you in this area.

Author's Bio: 

Lori Pinkerton
Author, Speaker, Coach

Lori Pinkerton specializes in helping woman break through the cycles of relationship disappointments and missed opportunities.
With her innovative process, Lori teaches women how to “grab” the advantages in dating and love.

She helps women rediscover themselves and their dreams. This is easier to say and harder to do. Knowing this, Lori’s coaching products and services take learning one step further by showing women “how to” use these discoveries to have

the relationships most only dream of!

Lori Pinkerton has made a career out of her passion—helping every woman, no matter who they are, create irresistible connections on their dates and ultimately find the love of their life.

Her success caught the eye of TV’s 180 Life and Style Makeovers, a national television show that premiered in the fall of 2010 on the Oxygen channel, and the first show of its kind to account for the whole woman. The producers invited her to share her secrets with America. As the show’s dating and relationships expert, Lori teaches the women how to breathe new love into their lives and she helps women create relationships that leave them feeling wanted instead of feeling wanting.

Her proven tools get to the heart of what matters—showing women how to create the dates they dream of and experience an intimacy that most have given up on ever finding.

Lori doesn’t believe in settling—that’s why she took the scary step of leaving an unfulfilling marriage after 23 years. Tired of her depression and unhappiness, she abruptly took her perfectly imperfect life off autopilot.

Raised by nine moms and three dads before the age of ten, Lori spent her young adult life building a castle of stability around herself.

“I grew up very poor. My granny used to say all the time, ‘If we just had money, everything would be great,’” she says. But once Lori reached the top of that castle—surrounded by multiple houses, a successful construction business, and a model family—she looked down and wondered, “Why do I feel so empty? How come I never feel good enough?”

Lori would find an answer in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a tool for re-envisioning herself beyond the self-imposed limits that had kept her confined for so many years. After studying under NLP expert Richard Bandler, she became a certified trainer and began helping others recognize and act on their vast potential in their personal and professional lives. As a life coach she was wildly successful.

But the now-foreign world of dating made her head spin. She admits,“It took me a year after the divorce to even start dating.” Then the idea to use her business and life-coaching experience in her dating hit her like a ton a bricks. She started Get Up and Date to support women in finding quality dates that lead to lasting love ~ because she understands that settling is too often an easy alternative to fighting for what you want.

This hard-working author, speaker, and coach—now has expanded her reach to help couples reunite and stay together not as the broken shell of what used to be but a TRUE expression of what love is. For more information and transformation as a couple check out her ground breaking programs at: