Spirituality in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit)

Spirituality in the NICU...

As a physician and a parent I'm keenly aware that to say certain conversations about the status of your baby are difficult, is probably an understatement. As a life coach I believe that within each of us is the capacity to face the truth.

When I first made the decision to pursue a medical career, it was to cure people, help people, and make a difference in the lives of my patients. In these early years, I did not fully comprehend that the role of a doctor means giving unwanted news, painful information, and life shattering diagnoses. This is the case in the NICU when informing parents that there is nothing more that can be done for their newborn and that death or a poor prognosis is inevitable. And yet, that is one of the times when families need the medical team the most.

With the survival of extremely low birthweight (ELBW) preterm babies and sicker newborns, outcomes are unpredictable and complications occur. Certain diagnosis means the newborn will have lifelong medical issues, developmental delays, or a shortened lifespan.

These conversations are essential for families to prepare. Parents are the gatekeepers and advocates for their children and making decisions means having all the information. The difficult conversations involve the interdisciplinary team. Specialists may be consulted to provide their expertise. The medical team provides assessments of the clinical condition of the baby and updates the family.

What are the parents' expectations of difficult conversations in the NICU? Parents come to these conversations at different stages. Some parents are still searching for that miracle even when what they see is to the contrary. Others have started their grieving process and want peace for their baby. And others are some where in the middle.

Life coaching principles emphasize that we are each on our own journey. We each have a path. If this is true, then we hold a space for parents to process and accept what is before them in the NICU journey. For parents, acceptance occurs when there is a chance to grieve for what they have lost.

Life coaching principles also support that people are not broken, and therefore, do not need to be fixed. This means that when we tell parents about their baby's status, we are honoring them and empowering them to process this information in their own way and time. The decisions parents make may differ from medical ones, and this we must honor as well. It may mean that we give families time to absorb all they are seeing, feeling, and hearing. It may mean that what the medical team deems best for the patient may not align with desires of the parents. Time and more information may be needed to come to a consensus on what is best for the baby. And it may mean that there is a higher power at work through it all.

What does accepting an unfavorable and unwanted diagnosis really mean for you?
Does it mean giving up all hope?
Or does it mean that we look deeper into ourselves, to that place where love resides, gather our strength to make the very most of each day and embrace life?