Some Common Advice on How to Help Someone in Pain

You will never feel the pain of someone unless you have not experience the same misery your self. Like a statement of ‘It’s-easy-for-you-to-say-because-you-did-not-experience-this’ of someone in pain. Pain is an inevitable partner of happiness. Like a husband and wife, rain and sunshine, or thunder and storm. One can never exist alone unless the other one tag along. And oftentimes it really is easy to say ‘its okay’ even though it’s not, because we have nothing more to say or things to influence the person in pain at the moment. But what can we do to ease the pain of someone we love? Maybe some of these tips would be a good idea to try.

Common Advice No. 1: Tell a good story indirectly related to the person’s experience at the moment. Sometimes it helps to listen to someone’s miserable life than yours because you begun to appreciate your own situation. When my siblings and I complain on the poor situation we had because we can’t buy new things for school opening, my mom would simply tell a story she once experienced during her childhood. She would relate to us that during her childhood days where transportation is not accessible, she and her sister has to walk miles and miles just to get to their school with only slippers to hold their feet. Their stomach is half full because the other half is reserved as lunch pack for their school lunch. And yet she is happy because they have the chance to go to school. Of course, at the end of her story we feel more on her situation than ours. And the last thing we want to say is to complain.

Common Advice No. 2: Embrace the person as if you want to share his pain. When the pain is too much to hold and you are numb from listening to someone’s advices, the one thing you want to do is for someone to hold you. It feels good to cry and let out the pain, but it’s even better when someone is there to offer a shoulder to cry on. When my child hurts and a first aid medicine would have been good enough to heal it, I still kissed the affected area as if I’m a fairy God mother that can ease the pain quickly. My child would prefer my kiss than the first aid medicine on the pain. And that’s the power of human touch, which no earthly thing can replace.

Common Advice No. 3: Let her be alone and let her feel the pain for the moment. Oftentimes it would do well for someone in pain to feel it himself; especially if that person’s pain is related to losing someone he loves. No words or touch can ease the pain of losing. Losing someone is part of everyone’s journey in life. Death must be faced with reality even if the reality is too painful to accept. But in the end, when the person has exhausted all his energy to pain, he would find a way to revived. And survival is part of a person’s quality to be able to live on earth.

Common Advice No. 4: Never leave the person. When a person is in pain, he is selfish and self centered at the moment. He only feels the pain himself and sometimes finds someone to put the blame on. But despite these odd attitudes he portrays, you must never leave the person. What he shows at the moment are the reactions to the pain he is experiencing. I know of some cancer patients whose physical pains leads to self pity and low esteem. Sometimes they blame themselves for the misery of his family due to his pain. If he says he wants you to leave him and be gone with your own lives, he really didn’t mean it. He is just guilty because he thinks you suffer from the pain he is experiencing. And the last thing you will do is to listen and leave.

All these tips may help one way or the other. But in the end what can really ease the pain of a person is time and understanding; time to heal and someone to understand the situation.