Single Mom Dating and Finding Love

As a single mom, it's a big step to date, no matter how old your kids are. You put yourself out there wanting to find love and hoping to find quality men. Talk about having faith. Well, I do. I have faith that it will happen. It might not happen when I want it to, but I KNOW it will when it's supposed to.

Doing online dating and then emailing a few guys is one thing. Putting yourself out there in a lot bigger way is another. This newest adventure is Finding Love Before 40, which gives me about nine months. I need to get on the ball, since I really have never been in love.

You may be thinking, You have a child, how have you never been in love?

Dating someone, realizing it won't work, and breaking up with him three days before finding out you're pregnant is how that happened...but that's another story all together.

A radio station, KCBI, based in DFW starts helping me find love by interviewing me and asking listeners for recommendations of guys. I love how generous they are in my pursuit.

One listener sends me an email about her friend, and then he reaches out to me direclty. After several texts and a few phone conversations, I agree to go on a date with him. As it approches, I find myself a bit nervous. This guy and I get along great via phone and text. We have a wonderful connection, but how is it going to be in person? Did we put too much pressure on ourselves to make it work?

Two days previous, I post pictures for possible outfits and shoes on the Facebook page, and several people are kind enough to share their opinions. It comes down to the two most popular options for shirts, an emerald green, ¾ length sleeve or a bright purple with a somewhat sheer white long sleeved shirt over it. I do a tie breaker vote, and the purple wins as did the zipper ankle boots.

As I drive to the Mexican restaurant, I don't feel nerves. I feel excitement and eagerness. We greet each other in the front with a hug. We are seated at a table, and the conversation begins. Before catching a flow, we both seem a little nervous.

As we adjust to each other, we become more ourselves, joking around and talking about our kids. We both admit how we are being completely ourselves, which isn't always the case when you don't really know someone.The more I talk to him, the more I know the chemistry for me just isn't there. We are similar in many ways, but I see him only as a friend.

As dinner winds down, he asks me if I want to do it again. Now this is the hard part. You don't want to reject someone and hurt his feelings, but you want to be (and need to be) honest.

I reply, "I don't know. I think you are a wonderful guy. You are really great. I just don't think you are the guy for me."

He says, "Okay."

Before parting ways, we hug. As I walk to my car, I feel okay. I had a great time and knew that we were 100% ourselves. If we weren't, then maybe I could say it was nerves and try it again. As I drive home, I think more about it and become a bit disappointed.

Why did we have a great connection on the phone and in text, but in person it just wasn't there? What changed? What happened? Where did the chemistry go? If I don't talk or text someone as much next time does the chemistry and connection have a better chance to be there in person? I can't quite put my finger on why it was so different in person. Maybe subconsciously there was a lot of pressure.

This process is interesting. I don't know how many men I will talk with or how many dates I'll go on. I do know my being proactive about finding love won't hurt, because what I have or have not been doing so far isn't working. He hasn't showed up knocking at my door...I know, because I've tried that too.

What strikes me the most is the encouragement and support I've received from so many women. I've received messages saying they are living vicariously through me, it gives them hope for their own life, or they thought they'd be alone and now maybe they will take a proactive approach themselves. All of that excites me for others.

I don't know how this will play out. Will I meet many men? Will they turn out to be all wrong for me? Will they be just friends? Or will I find him? I'm not sure. But I do know, I don't need all of them to like or mesh with me. I just need The One.

So, I'll just sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey. After all, I have faith that it will lead me exactly where I need to be. And putting myself out there might be what so many other women need in order to renew their faith in love, themselves, and their future. I want you to know that love is out there for you. Maybe it won't happen the way you thought it would. Maybe it won't happen in the time you thought. But, I do know, it happens when it's supposed to happen. I hope you follow me throughout my journey. It may give you ideas or insights on what you can do to find love in your life.

So don't give up. Don't lose faith. Keep believing your partner is out there for you, be proactive, and remember, you never know when you might find the right person for you.

Here's to happy dating!

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