Shitty Relationships

This week’s radio show about unhealthy relationships had a lot of buzz going before we even started and it lived up to the hype with over 14 live callers in 1 hour.

Bobby Dhillon was our first caller who offered that past experiences help you learn what you don’t want in a relationship. He then shared some details about a relationship he had that was very volatile but he stayed in it because of the great sex. Make up sex makes you forget a lot of problems short term and the worst the fight the better the sex.

Let’s be honest men are weak when it comes to sex, it clouds our judgment. Even when we know in our heart and mind that the relationship is not good, we let some bat shit crazy chick stick around longer than she should because it’s exciting. It’s all fun and games until you get a high heel through your eye.

It’s hard to give up the “porn star” in the bedroom even if it causes stress. I say marry the bat shit crazy chick like I did and you will have adventure and excitement for years.

Co-host Tim Cornett said “my penis is like a sword that punishes women”. I’m not sure if that’s even relevant to the conversation but it’s a great quote that needs be included.

Bryn Drescher, who is a life coach added “We attract where we are”, so if you are not ready for an emotional relationship let’s say you may get a passionate physical relationship that isn’t sustainable even though it benefits both parties in the moment.
I switched gears here and asked why people stay in bad relationships for so long when they keep getting the same shitty results over and over (or they get into multiple relationships with the same outcomes). It seems the most common answers had something to do with the fear of the unknown being stronger than the pain of the current relationship.
“Better the devil you know than the one you don’t know”. It serves us in some reason, maybe we stay because of the “potential” of the relationship or perhaps we are just comfortable.

Often we even attract the same kind of crappy relationship right after we get out of the last one because we haven’t learned anything different. I mentioned that being clear on what you want in a relationship is key because if you don’t know exactly what you want you don’t have anything to test the results against. We are constantly in a learning loop with everything in life which means we take action toward a certain goal, realize the results of that action did not get us what we want and then we adjust course, take another action toward the goal and then test again to see if it’s closer to what we want. We keep doing this until we get exactly what we want (if our goals and outcomes are set up properly). However, when we are not clear on what we want at the end, we have nothing to test the results against and it becomes a constant loop or the results we get are being compared to what we think we want so we get exactly that. For example, if you believe attention = love (and it may be at a subconscious level) then when your boyfriend or girlfriend fights with you (giving you attention), it translates into “I’m loved” and you will stay because your results are meeting your test. You always get what you are looking for. If at some point you don’t want those results any longer and look for different outcomes, the results from the current relationship won’t pass your test and you must adjust.

Right after Regina Ann, who is a regular contributor and Co-host John Wellington had inappropriate cybersex in the chat room she called in to share how she married her first husband because she was trying to resolve issues with her Mom through that relationship and that’s why it didn’t work. And once she took the time to get real clear on what she wanted and believed that she deserved a healthy relationship, she manifested it.

She gave good advice…when you are bitching about something in a relationship, write it down, scratch his or her name out and write your name in. It’s like looking in a mirror. Whatever you are pissed about is something you don’t like about yourself.

P James Holland, the Comeback Coach says we stay in bad relationships for one of three reasons: Fear, habit or comfort.

Tim Cornett added that he needs a certain amount of unhealthy in his relationships to sleep at night…And a thick ass which I can’t argue with.

The discussion up to this point revolved mostly around volatility in relationships and the fighting, but a good point was made that something could be seriously wrong when two people never fight because it could be a strong indication that neither party cares, there is a lack of passion which is a big problem too.

Like if your wife keeps telling you about a recurring dream of vacationing in Aruba and you are never there, it’s probably not a good sign. And it’s even worse if you don’t care about it.

Lisa Sarick, another regular contributor to the show called in to talk about family relationships. When it comes to family relationships always have a backup plan to leave the reunion, drive yourself. In any relationship, Lisa feels you can walk away when you either can’t do any more work (you’ve done everything you can) or you can’t take it any longer.

Sometimes, family is stressful because you didn’t choose those relationships but yet you have guilt associated when you end a relationship with a negative family member or reduce exposure to toxic family members that are in your circle.

Marie from Raising Great Men then called in to talk about how Mother/Son relationships for instance spill over into your adult relationships and can become a problem. We call it creepy.

To close the show, we talked about one thing that absolutely drives me crazy. Tricia Waltman from Vision Art Designs talked about all the drama people dump on Facebook and I agreed that certain things should not be aired in public. I see so many negative comments on social media platforms. I also think that is pretty disrespectful to your significant other. I assume if you are posting on Facebook instead of talking to your partner, lack of communication is a major problem with your shitty relationship!

You can listen to the entire show here: http://www.itdoesntmatteryouregonnadie.com/idmygd-radio)
You can connect with our expert guests here: Regina Ann at ResonanceHealing.blogspot dot com, Lisa Sarick at lisasarick dot com, Bryn Drescher at mylifegps dot com, P. James Holland at coachcomeback dot com, Tricia Waltman at seeyourvisionart dot com and Marie at raisinggreatmen dot com

I love you all,

Dave Arena