Relationships between the sexes can often be filled with mixed messages and general confusion as to the status of the affair. Add to this the differences between relationships with and without an aspect of emotional involvement, and there is no surprise that so many individuals end up feeling as though they have been wronged after a relationship has ended.

Non-emotional relationships may be based on mutual interests. Casual dating falls into this category, during which both parties enjoy one another’s company in going on dates and perhaps being intimate, but will also feel free to move on to another love interest at any point in the relationship. There is no fulfillment in this type of arrangement as there is no deeper connection with each other.

Friends with “perks” or “benefits” begin their affair with the clear intention of nothing more than physical intimacy. Individuals in this sort of arrangement also have the freedom to move on to another relationship at any time without expecting any negative feelings or repercussions. However, this is rarely the case as one of the individuals will desire something more, as physical intimacy still creates a feeling of closeness with another person.

People that are in healthy, serious relationships with a strong emotional aspect have a deep mutual respect, resulting in a desire to please each other as much as possible. There is a shared feeling of positive emotion, which may or may not be considered to be love. Anyone with this type of bond will undoubtedly feel jealous when their mate interacts with members of the opposite sex, particularly if there is a sexual history underlying the “friend” relationship.

In instances where one of the partners was previously involved as a friend with benefits, maintaining any kind of relationship with this previous lover will result in severe relationship problems. Jealousy will undoubtedly be felt by the new mate, as he or she will naturally feel possessive of their partner.

Quite frankly, there will be no valid reason whatsoever to maintain a relationship with the old partner aside from any necessary professional association. Anyone choosing to continue this friendship is obviously not ready for a real, true relationship. This is particularly the case if the new partner specifically requests that contact be terminated. As part of the emotional bond and basis in respect, ending any contact is an indication of respect for the new partner’s feelings.

Choosing to maintain contact with a previous friend with benefits will undoubtedly damage the new, emotionally- based relationship. The current partner, if truly emotionally invested in the relationship, will feel jealous to the point of ending the relationship. If this is not the case and there is not jealousy, then this is not a true, emotional relationship.

Even if the new partner attempts to respect the desire to maintain contact with the previous casual love interest, jealousy will still ensue. An individual that truly and sincerely cares for their partner will recognize this and cut off contact with the previous partner out of respect. Any other actions indicate a lack of respect, and is a result of an inability to maintain a real, honest romantic bond. A relationship that consists of one-sided respect will not last; respect must be mutual.

While jealousy is a healthy part of emotional relationships, there is a point at which it becomes so extreme and controlling as to be toxic to the relationship and both individuals involved. This is an indication of personal insecurity rather than an issue inherent to a relationship, and is a sign that the extremely jealous individual may not be ready for a committed, emotionally- bound relationship.
© 2011 by David Gharat Personal Life Coach. All rights reserved

Author's Bio: 

David Gharat-Personal Life Coach, Relationship Coach, Dating Coach, Self-Development Coach