Internet dating, gorgeous grandma style
By Alice Solomon

Here you are, over 50, and in that curious position of dating again...and hating it. Reluctantly, you try Internet dating (only because you have heard others have met there) and find it different, odd, and not at all satisfying because your efforts have not been rewarded. There dwell younger men who write "I love older women" (full of bull, of course; they're just fooling around); or married men; or men who lure women with sex talk (never respond to those lechers!); or, men whose ads you've answered and you never hear from (which you will not do again).

Stop! Hold it! Listen, dear single sisters. I am about to improve your Internet dating technique, your approach, and your success. There is a method to this madness of wonderful, successful, attractive, experienced older women finding love and romance on the web (or anywhere else, actually).

I have had the experience, done the research, and listened to the true tales of hundreds of single sisters who have enjoyed success (and failure) on this very same Internet dating adventure. So, listen up and learn some different maneuvering for online dating that, perhaps, you've not even thought of before.

Gorgeous grandma style

What is "gorgeous grandma style?" A single Gorgeous Grandma (GG) is any woman of 50+ years who believe she has her whole life ahead of her -- not behind her. She's a sophisticated, worldly, wise, attractive, and experienced woman who offers tremendous value to any man who is smart enough to recognize her appeal. For the most part, she outperforms her younger sisters in every way, be it brains, sensuality, or life experience.

So, when a Gorgeous Grandma, who is a dynamite package of self-esteem and confidence, enters the online dating world to find a loving companion with whom to share her years ahead, she approaches the task with a totally different image and attitude than her younger counterparts.

How does she behave online? Just like this:

1. A GG does not reply to profiles. I don't care if he is a twin of Paul Newman's. Replying to a profile is the same as a phone call. GGs do not phone men or reply to their profiles -- especially strangers. It's no challenge for a man when a woman initiates any meeting. Let the man be the pursuer. Initiating a meeting or calling him is the same as asking him out. It is a definite no-no.
2. A GG creates a delightfully short, breezy profile where she writes, "interested in meeting new people," and does not write "seeking long-term relationship" or "loving companion." She sounds light and casual, not intense because it scares men away. She creates an attractive screen name that gives a good sense of her identity: "IloveGolf;" "CuteBrunette;" "TennisBabe;" nothing describing body parts or sexual.
3. She posts only one photo (more than one signals "desperate." A GG is never desperate!). She makes it her most attractive and, if necessary, has it done professionally. At the very least, she wears no sunglasses or mega jewelry. She is not without makeup. She has combed her hair. (I don't believe how some women portray themselves online -- no wonder they have no takers.)
4. She reviews her responses and eliminates the creeps -- the 16-year olds who are fooling around; the married men; the nerds; anyone who sounds strange; anyone who writes about sex.
5. She waits 24 hours before she answers a man's first email. She does not believe an interested man should be paid attention to right away. She plays hard to get -- from the very beginning. She gives the impression (true or not) that she has a very busy life and that this Internet venture takes a back seat to her real life.
6. As she emails her responses, she maintains a logbook to keep track of those who are sincere and those who are too cute. She checks screen names for undesirables. She checks for form letters which she dumps. She also dumps emails with no words and emails from time wasters.
7. GGs never chase men. If she does not receive a response after her first email, she doesn't send a second one.
8. GGs always request a photo of the man. If he doesn't send one, she deletes him. He's probably married or has a girlfriend.
9. Computer dating is best divided into: online meeting; clicking into private rooms; telephone calls; the real meeting. GGs will not take too long with their online friendships. Online conversations can move quickly from general topics to intimate ones. A GG's goal is to meet in person.
10. If a man does not suggest getting together after a week or two online, she drops him. She is too busy to waste her precious time on game players.
11. A GG does not respond to continuing emails right away. She waits an hour or two because she is a busy woman. When emailing a man, she always keeps her conversations short and light.
12. GGs do not answer emails on Fridays and Saturdays after 5:00 p.m. She may, or may not, log on to her computer on Sunday evenings.
13. A GG does exchange Instant Messages with strangers. She disables it if she is online Friday or Saturday nights.
14. A GG places her profile online for two or three months at a time. If the responses dwindle, she removes her photo and profile and takes a breather. She rewrites her profile (with the help of family and friends, if need be), posts a different photo, and returns online for another few months.
15. Always mindful of safety, a GG remembers to:
• Not believe everything she reads.
• Not respond to lewd or crude messages.
• Not to give out her Social Security number, home phone number, credit card number, or password.
• Not reveal too much about her personal life. The medium lends itself to talking about details -- personal feelings, family matters, hobbies. By the time she meets him, she may feel she knows him, but, of course, she doesn't.
• Always give him her cell phone number, not her home phone number.
• Trust her instincts. If the person seems odd, she ceases all correspondence and changes her screen name.
My final word: the secret to any GG's success is persistence, online and off. Do try it.

Author's Bio: 

Alice Solomon, author of "Find the Love of Your Life After 50!" ( graduated from Wellesley College cum laude at the age of 50. A former Mrs. Massachusetts, Solomon, wrote the syndicated newspaper column, "A Guide for Gorgeous Grandmas." She was a radio show host in Massachusetts and Florida and is the author of two books about dating in later life. Her "invaluable, user-friendly advice" (Midwest Book Review) has been quoted in Time magazine, the Chicago Sun-Times, the Tampa Tribune, the Milwaukee Journal, and countless other newspapers. Her media appearances include the Voice of America, USA Radio Network, and National Public Radio. She was the keynoter for Nova Southeastern's Institute for Learning in Retirement. Solomon conducts seminars on "Finding the Love of Your Life At Any Age" for clubs and organizations throughout southern Florida. Her website is