Networking Tips from Satan

If you want to learn a lesson well, sometimes it’s good to study from the (really) old masters. So, here are network marketing tips from Satan himself talking about some strategies that might be useful in your business.

Satan says, “With the economy the way it is, Hell is pretty much filled to the brim with investment advisors, loan officers, and bankers, so I have some free time on my hands.

I am always asked how you get your hands on all those lost souls. The answer is obvious, I network. Networking is the quickest and easiest way to establish business relationships, and frankly, is so successful for me that I have a lot of time off. Let me give you a few of my secrets.

Network Strategically to Save Time
When there are so many people willing to barter their souls, and so little time to fit them all in, I have to use Strategic Business Networking. That means I only go to networking events where I am sure I will find those people who are willing to trade their souls for a pittance. So I look for networking events like political conventions, reality or game shows, casting calls, or job fairs to name just a few. I avoid going to business events where the companies have a code of conduct or ethics policy, not that I cannot occasionally score there, but it is usually a little more work.

Set Your Goals for Every Networking Event
A few years ago I had some very high soul goals I set for myself, which I really had to work to achieve. But, I found a banking convention where I was able to convince a few of the movers and shakers (my kind of people) to just hand out mortgages like candy canes at Christmas, to anyone who asked. Just think of the money you would make, I said. Well, greed and wishful thinking are some of my best tools and I made my goals and then some with that that little ploy.

Prepare for Every Event
I have found that a little preparation for each event makes it so much more profitable and efficient for me. When I know exactly what to say, I don’t have to make any small talk, I can drill quickly down to the point; do you want to trade your soul, or not. So I practice how I want to identify myself in a way that everyone will remember me. Then my questions are designed to quickly find out what’s important to that person. I find I can quickly move from person to person, and reach my goals by simply focusing on the task at hand.

Know How to Follow Up
On the back of each business card I collect, I make a note of the likely prospect’s criteria. Then I find out how they like to be reached, because everyone is different, and there are so many choices. The Blackberry carriers only want e-mail, while many others like text or IM. A few still prefer to be called on their cell phones, but their numbers are dwindling. If they take a meeting with me, I find my close rate is around 80%.
Yes, I work hard using all the tools of my trade, pride, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, sloth, lust and so forth. It’s not like I had to take a course on Influence and Persuasion; I am the Devil after all. I’m a natural.”