My Wife Wants To Leave Me: She Wants To Leave Me but I Love Her

You could never have imagined years ago that your marriage would turn out like this. How did you and your wife go from enjoying a loving, happy marriage to being on the bitter edge of destruction? You can't answer that because frankly you're just not sure, are you? Your wife has declared that she's unhappy and is considering leaving the marriage. You're dumbstruck. You have absolutely no idea what to do to save the relationship. You likely even wonder whether it can be saved or not. It's important for a man in your position to understand that a situation like the one you're currently in can be viewed one of two ways. You can see it as the last step towards inevitable divorce or you can view it as a reawakening of the deep emotionally charged connection you and your wife once shared. The latter sounds much better, doesn't it?

Open a Dialogue with Your Wife About the Current State of Your Marriage

You can't work towards fixing your marriage if you aren't fully aware of what your wife views as the underlying problem. You may feel that your wife has just fallen out of love with you, and it's possible that may be the case. You won't know until you sit down with the woman you married and have the difficult conversation that will begin the healing process.

Don't enter into this conversation from a place of defensiveness. If you're not open to hearing her honest complaints and thoughts about you as a life partner, you're never going to move the marriage to a more positive and enriching place. You must be ready to hear some difficult things about how she views you and whether she feels you're not adequately providing what she needs.

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It's important to understand that this conversation may not be one that can be neatly tied up within an hour or two. This should be an ongoing dialogue. You and your wife should both feel comfortable enough with one another that you can share your innermost thoughts, disappointments and hopes. It can take some time to get there, but if you're persistent with approaching your wife about sharing her feelings in a calm and rational way, the marriage will only benefit.

Look at Your Own Behavior and What You Can Do to Improve It

All of us shy away from taking any of the blame when our partner decides they want to bail on the relationship. Men and women are both just as equally guilty of this. It's helpful if you consider what you could do differently, as a husband, to repair the broken bonds of your marriage.

Think clearly and honestly about the role you play in the relationship. Are you there as much as you need to be for your wife? Do you help her when life becomes overwhelming for her? Or have you pulled back from her because you've felt taken for granted in the past?

Sometimes in order to repair a crumbling connection we have to place our own needs aside for a time. Look only at your own behavior within the marriage and what you could do, right now, to improve on that. In order for a marriage to heal one person has to take the first step. This should be viewed as a sacrifice. You also need to bear in mind that if you can help your wife feel more loved and valued within the marriage, she'll instinctively want to do the same for you.

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A good place to start is to consider how you treat your wife now compared to how you treated her in the early days of your marriage. Granted a lot has probably changed between the two of you including more pressing financial obligations, demanding careers and a family to balance. It's still important to think back to the husband you once were when you and your wife began your married journey together. If you can recapture the essence of that man, you'll be showing your wife that your desire to spend your life with her is still as strong now as it was the day you two exchanged vows.

Encourage Your Wife to Chase Her Own Happiness

One reason many women feel dissatisfied with their marriage is because they aren't finding any happiness within themselves. As a marriage matures a woman may begin to define herself strictly in terms of her relationship. She'll view herself only as a wife and mother and although those are very fulfilling roles to have, there is a point where a woman may feel she wants more.

As your wife's partner it's important for you to encourage her to seek out the things that make her happy. Talk to her about her goals and dreams in life and be supportive when she does share.

You must take note of the fact that sometimes a woman will think that by leaving her marriage her life will suddenly improve overnight. Although that can be the case when a marriage isn't in a healthy emotional place anymore, often it's a mistake.

Your wife may not fully understand the fact that if she does leave you, she'll be much more on her own in every sense of the word. Speak with her about what you can do as her husband to help her find the things that make her happy. It may be something as simple as spending more time as a couple or it could be something more monumental as finishing up her abandoned college degree.

Be there to cheer her on towards her own happiness. If you do that you'll be demonstrating to your wife that you want and need to put her before yourself. That will help her see that you only want what's best for her which will help lead her to see the deep value in your marriage again.

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While problems are a part of almost all marriages, you know yours is in trouble if you or your partner has started having negative feelings about each other's personalities, instead of actually delving into the underlying issue. For instance, instead of giving your spouse some much needed support after he comes home from a hard day at work, you might choose to focus on how lifeless he looks instead. This, amongst other things, is a sign that you need to do something to save your marriage from divorce before it's too late.

If you feel negative about your spouse's personality, then it is essential that you challenge these negative thoughts with ones that are more rational. This is highly imperative if you hope to save a marriage from divorce. Understand that getting on the defensive when things go wrong isn't going to get you anywhere.

What you should do when something goes wrong is try and look at it from your partner's point of view before you start off with your attempt to have a go at his/her personality traits. Besides, when your partner realizes that you are trying to understand his/her point of view, he/she will also realize that you aren't being unreasonable.

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There are various signs that can tell if your marriage requires help:-

• A diminishing sex life can be indicative of partners facing problem with each other's personalities. Expectations, if any, should be made clear; and if either partner is uncomfortable in complying with any particular demand, then the other partner should be willing to understand.

• Giving a partner the cold treatment is surely indicative of a deteriorative relationship. This happens only when either partner is uninterested in the marriage. The "silent ttreatment" is actually as destructive as criticism.

• Constant arguments that lead to significant quarrels are a loud sign of trouble. This is when you really need to address the root cause behind your constant bickering.

• If you've been attracted to someone other than your spouse, it's quite alright to look but notto delve. However, if you've been looking for ways to turn this attraction into something more, you need to rethink. Do you need to look for greener pastures, or do you need to mend your own path?

What You Can Do:

When you realize that your marriage is in trouble and that you need to save this marriage from divorce, you need to take the required action that will help fix it. You need to start with a positive frame of mind, and you should believe that your marriage can be saved. Understand that your marriage can be saved even if you are the only one whose trying; you simply need to know what to do. For instance, if there's a particular habit of yours that is the cause of the strife, you might want to reconsider how important it is to you.

Most importantly, remember that no relationship is perfect and that all marriages need work. As long as you are willing to put in the required effort, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to save a marriage from divorce.

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Problems in marriages often start off being small. However, if these problems aren't addressed they can intensify manifold, and can get to a point where either one or both partners no long desire to be in the relationship. The good thing is that most problems can be worked around as long as both parties involved are willing to work to save marriage from divorce.

Address Issues on Financial Differences:

If you wish to save marriage from divorce, it is very important that you get your financial differences sorted out. Understand that sound financial advice coupled with the right fiscal management tools can work in getting your finances in order. If credit is a problem, then you should think about getting in touch with a credit counselling organization.

Take Professional Help:

Taking professional help in the form of marriage counselling can help save marriage from divorce, and there are numerous examples that illustrate this fact. However, it is important that the services of a counsellor be sought when the signs of problems start to show. Waiting too long to get to the counsellor and then expecting results is really a little farfetched. Bear in mind that getting help from a counsellor is not indicative of you giving up on the relationship or having failed. On the contrary, it only goes to show that you're stilling willing to give your marriage a chance.

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Spending Time Apart:

Although this concept might seem strange at the onset, do know that it can work in healing a hurting relationship. For this to happen you need to identify that the anxiety and stress in your life can be a barrier to effective communication and your ability to cope with day to day matters. Spending a preset period away from your partner can help you gain some insight into what attracted you to your spouse in the first place, and what you missed about him/her in the time that you spent apart.

Do bear in mind that this measure should only be followed after you feel that the problems have escalated out of control, as this could also end up with either of the spouse realising that being apart is actually the better option.

Can You Work at it Alone?

Can you save marriage from divorce on your own? The answer is that there is no reason that you shouldn't try. First, try and establish is there is any particular habit of yours that disturbs your spouse. If this is a habit that you do not mind changing, do so with immediate effect. When things go wrong, voice your concerns in a calm and composed manner, and remain particularly receptive to what your spouse has to say. If you're a woman and lack of intimacy is a concern, ask yourself if giving in more often is a price that you're willing to pay.

Remember, no matter what is said about saving relationships, the truth is that it is easier said than done. So if you do hope to save marriage from divorce, be willing to put in some serious efforts.

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Research has gone on to show that unhappy spells in marriages don't necessarily indicate disharmony in the future. One study in particular has shown that a large percentage of couples who were unhappily married but battled against odds were 'quite' to 'very' happy five years down the line. This simply goes to show that you should try to save your marriage from divorce, and not turn your back on it when the first signs of trouble show up in your relationship.

Bear in mind that there is more to a marriage than love and luck! A marriage requires commitment, and this implies that you should have moral, structural, and personal reasons for your marriage to last. Being married means that your spouse and you should work together as a team and battle all challenges that might come your way. This would go a long way if you hope to save this marriage from divorce. And if you do feel that signs of trouble are showing up, use the following pointers.


Communication breakdowns are known to be the reason behind a number of divorces. If you feel that your marriage is heading into troubled waters, it is very important that you discuss it with your partner. Also, remember that listening is a very important part of effective communication.

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Respect forms the crux of any relationship, and marriages are no different. Respect in a marriage has to be mutual, and if you expect to spend the rest of your life with someone, respecting him/her is the start to a fruitful relationship.


Remember that it is human to err, and there is a good chance that you have required forgiveness for things that you have down in the past. If your spouse has broken your trust or has done something stupid, you should find it in yourself to be able to forgive him/her. However, this does not mean that you forgive the same mistake over and over again. Respect has to be mutual.

Think Spontaneity:

A routine can make a marriage monotonous and uninteresting, thereby making either spouse to look for greener pastures. If you expect to save your marriage from divorce you should try and introduce some spontaneity in your married life, and this could be in the form of going out on dates, spicing up your sex life and introducing a degree of zest.

Together Time:

Not spending enough time with your spouse can be a cause for concern. In order to save a marriage from divorce you need to ensure that you spend a fair amount of time with each other, no matter how busy your schedules are. This 'together time' should be only for the two of you with no biased members of the family in tow. Kids might need reassurance if tyhey are to be left behind on the trip. It is vital to accept help with e.g. babysitting if it is offered in good faith.

Qualified Help

Finally, if you feel that your marriage is on the verge of breaking down, do not hesitate to seek professional help. After all, many couples can vouch for this essential ingredient. Seeking help is not an admission of defeat but simply a realisation that the issues need to be discussed with a qualified third party and not a biased family member.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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