My Second Marriage Is Better: Can Second Marriage Be Done Without Divorce

If you have ever been through a divorce you know that regardless of which side you were on that it can be a gut wrenching experience. The emotions, fears, uncertainties and just the time spent contemplating a new future can be daunting.

Many years ago I asked a friend about marriage. His advice was simple. "The only thing that you know for certain before getting married is that you are willing to give it a try". Sound advice? I'm not certain, he had just been divorced for the forth time.

What if before launching into marriage and particularly before getting remarried a different approach was taken? What if as a couple they would approach the marriage with an intimate understanding of each other, not just passion and excitement? Perhaps this would be a better beginning for a couple intending to spend life together.

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As in my friends case, most likely he would continue either marrying the same type of person or he continued to make the same mistakes personally in each marriage. Without an honest assessment of the strengths, weaknesses, needs and desires of each partner then how could two people possibly last together in a marriage.

Of course the best relationships grow stronger over time. Why not begin by growing stronger together right from the start. Fortunately for a couple just starting out professional counseling probably isn't necessary. If you have a trusted and impartial friend, pastor or spiritual advisor that has a history of positive relationships and an ability to remain unbiased by all means seek them out and have conversations with them prior to marriage.

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Marriage is a faithful act that binds two people who love each other regardless of their partner's beliefs. As the cliché goes, loving someone means accepting every bit of detail that that person has. Hence, you don't really care what religion, nationality or even race your partner comes from. Once cupid hits you, then all that matters is that you love that person.

That's how things should work ideally. But it doesn't work that way all the time, especially in the real world. Obviously, there are a lot of interracial marriages nowadays. Additionally, you'd find people with different religions marrying each other. Although they may look as if they're the perfect couple, they do have problems too and most of the time it's their faith that becomes the spark of all their conflicts.

Believe it or not, there are still religious practices that prohibit people from marrying those that are not of the same faith as theirs. Sometimes, it's not the religion that dictates this, but their family traditions. There are times when parents dictate to their children that they can't marry someone who isn't the same religion as their family.

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However, the problem is that young adults nowadays are more open to the concept of finding true love and looking past the other person's demographic details. You probably won't care what your partner's skin color is or what his or her ethnicity is and most likely you don't care anymore about his/her religion. All that's important is that you're in love and when it does strike you, you get hit right smack between the eyes. After which, off you go and get married and live happily ever after.

But wait, there's more to that and that's not the end of the story just yet. In most cases, when couples that have different faiths marry, their differences are heightened as soon as their marriage begins.

Conflict arises especially when you both have opposing values and beliefs.

During the beginning of your marriage, one obvious problem is going to church. In the beginning, both of you can manage by going separately. However, the question is how long could you stand going to separate churches all the time?

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Many people who feel being on the top of the world during the period following the marriage suddenly feel grounded when they get a child. The birth of a child brings a lot of joy to the parents, no doubt. In fact, the arrival of a child in your life will add a new meaning to life, making your life more dynamic and more exciting. But bringing up a child is also a challenging task and this task often introduces new strains in the marriage.

Shocking as it may seem, many a marriage is threatened by the arrival of a child. The young parents do not anticipate the demands a child can make on their time, energy and financial resources. With a major part of the time and energy taken up in attending to the child, the young people are left with very little time for their love life.

When you have fewer and fewer occasions to express your love to your spouse, the marriage begins to lose its sheen. Before they realize what is happening, the young couple start wondering whether the marriage is worth saving. This is a dangerous trend and unless this is checked in time, a marriage break up may become inevitable.

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This is not a hypothetical situation but a reality in the lives of many young men and women.

Many women feel a lot of stress after they give birth to a child and they feel that their burden is not being shared by their men. Men on the other hand feel that their women are so much obsessed with the child that they do not care to show their love and concern to them. Both the feelings are real but if the men and women understand the facts behind these feelings, they will be sympathetic to each other.

A woman is physically strained both before and after the child birth. Her husband should realize this and show some concern for her health. A man may have concern for his wife but may still not show it. On the other hand, he may be showing his concern for the child's health and may even be blaming his wife for not taking care of the child! This makes the woman feel that her husband is no more concerned about her welfare. If only the husband says a few kind words showing his concern for his wife and offers to help her in taking care of the child, the woman's spirits will be lifted up very high.

The woman, for her part, should show her love for the man even while tending the child. A smile here and a kiss or hug there will work out miracles. If she just says how her preoccupation with the child has made it difficult for her to spend more time with her husband, the husband will feel elated.

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If jealousy is not to become a huge problem in our romantic relationships, then the best approach to take is one of prevention. This means taking deliberate steps to prevent jealousy from taking root and becoming a threat to our happiness. Romantic jealousy is the result of a perception by one party in the relationship that there is a threat coming from a third party to the relationship.

This perception in turns creates a great deal of apprehension, emotional discomfort and can even result in depression. It is therefore extremely beneficial to seek out ways to buttress our romantic relationships against the occurrence of jealousy.

Emotional nakedness or emotional openness is one very effective means to establish an environment in a relationship where jealousy can hardly be an issue much less thrives. Emotional nakedness as the term implies is the process of removing the usual masks we tend to cover most of our emotions with. Men of course do it differently from women and these differences in our actions and reactions are mainly driven by cultural values. Men are generally taught that it is not cool to cry or even show too much emotion. Women on the other hand are expected to be emotional and to even cry freely.

The result of all of these cultural values is that we develop masks to hide our true feelings and over time this practice becomes a part of our professional life and sadly, a part of our most intimate relationships. Practicing emotional nakedness in your romantic relationship means learning to let go of some of these cultural notions and focus on sharing your true emotional feelings about issues.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

How To Practice Emotional Nakedness

You can hardly expect to enjoy great sex without first removing your clothes. Of course the main reason for that is your clothes would interfere with the physical connection required. So it is too with emotional masks - they interfere with the connections that need to occur at an emotional level between two people sharing an intimate life.

So how do you go about removing these masks?

* Practice seeing the values behind some of your thinking - why you feel the way you do about a certain matter such as money, work. What ideas about these were instilled in you that now drive that thinking?

* Do these ideas now make sense in the context of your experiences and how you now live your life?

* See your emotions and feelings as separate and apart from who you really are. If you look at them as separate entity then you are more willing to examine them and see them for what they are.

* Talk about your feelings and emotions as if they are separate from you. This will allow you to share more openly with your spouse. Your spouse should do the same to encourage more sharing.

* Learn to laugh at yourself with your spouse. This can build self-confidence over time making it easier to share your feelings.

Doing these on a daily basis in a very conscious manner will make it easier for both parties to express their feelings unashamedly in the relationship. This builds trust and a greater sense of togetherness in the relationship. In this environment, it is hard for jealousy to thrive due to the high level of openness. The more openness and sharing there is in the relationship the less likely there will be of either party wanting to do anything to jeopardize that relationship and the less likely it will be for jealousy to be a factor.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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