My Husband Rejects Me Emotionally: How To Deal With Emotional Abandonment In Marriage

My Husband Rejects Me Emotionally: How To Deal With Emotional Abandonment In Marriage

Do you have many friends who are good at understanding men? If you don't hopefully I can help you understand a bit more about us and how our minds operate.

There's this banking concept of deposits and withdrawals that I'd like to apply to a relationship. I first read about the concept in a book by Stephen R. Covey, who wrote the classic, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

This concept is pretty simple: if you want to someone to respect you, you have to respect them, right? It comes under a lot of forms. If you've ever read the Bible, then you might be aware of the saying, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

To get a man's attention, make small emotional deposits into his "account." A few examples of things you could deposit is chatting with him on the phone, buying lunch for him (only after you make him promise that he'll buy you lunch in return), etc.

The key to making this work is that your deposits must encourage him to put emotional deposits back in your account.

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To get started, just make sure you listen to him. Pick up little things he says and point it out later.

Before my wife and I started dating, she told me her favourite chocolate bar was the Flake. The next time I saw her, I got both of us Flakes.

Later, she returned the favour by shouting me lunch. Even though it wasn't equal in value, it showed that she did want to pay me back.

The longer this give and take goes for, the easier it is to lead into a fully fledged relationship.

This technique works best at the start of a relationship to show that you're into the man, but it shouldn't stop you from putting it to use if you've known him for a while already.

Make sure you don't put too big a deposit into his account though. This will devalue the deposit and ultimately do more damage to the relationship in the long-run. Hopefully you're a little bit better at understanding men now.

So many women think that as soon as they've gotten married to a man, they don't have to try any more. They don't realize that the man can just get up and leave at any moment. Ladies, respect us and we'll respect you. Simple as that.

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If your marriage seems to be going south and you don't want divorce to enter into the picture there are a few things you should do right now.

I am giving you these tips with the idea that your relationship has not progressed beyond the point of no return. Usually couples have trouble long before they seek a divorce and in those cases there are a few things that can be done. If you are sitting at the divorce table right now these tips won't work.

If you don't want divorce to be the end result of a long-term relationship but your partner does want divorce then this is the time for you to sit quietly and let them do their own thing for a while. Whatever you do don't complain or whine or hint that you don't want a divorce. They probably already know you don't want a divorce. You may have said it already. That's O.K. Just stop saying it now. Let your partner wonder what you are up to.

The reason you are to remain quiet right now is that the last thing your partner wants to hear is what you want! This is about them and their problem with the relationship. Let them have their day. If you nag them - you will push them into a divorce faster than you can imagine.

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Now is the time to show your partner the person you were when he or she married you. Be on your best behavior. It's not easy to do with all the emotions flowing but you have to try this. It usually works that if your partner starts to see you with new eyes then your partner will not make a move toward divorce so quickly. Right now you have to fight to win their heart back.

It is normal that when a relationship is long term and especially within the security of the marriage contract we tend to take each other for granted. We tend to be disagreeable at times and our partner can feel that we are disagreeable because we don't care about them or their opinions anymore. So now is the time to go out of your way to be agreeable to whatever your spouse suggests or wants to talk about.

Right now you are going to be agreeable even if you don't feel like it. If stopping your divorce is your goal then you have to work hard at this. You have to show by your actions that you are willing to do whatever it takes to win your partner back into your heart.

Right now you are doing these things 1) stopping your complaining and 2) being agreeable because you don't want divorce to end your relationship. But, when you do get your spouse's attention and the two of you are back together you must remember to follow these tips often. This will keep your marriage together.

There will be times when you are together that you will complain and you will be disagreeable. That's O.K. You have rights too. But right now you have got to follow this plan in order to turn your situation around. Don't complain, be agreeable. For now if you don't want divorce to end your marriage.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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When a couple feels that they have drifted apart and want to rekindle their relationship what can they do? The best thing they can do is to start talking about wanting change. Usually one person feels it before the other. It will be important to share that desire for change with the partner. Here are some ground rules: do not blame or criticize your partner. Instead speak in "I" messages. For instance: I am feeling the need for some change. I want to discuss this with you. I have been thinking of...what do you think? When you speak for yourself you are not putting your partner on the defensive.

All relationships need periodic rekindling. Relationships change simply because of the fact that change happens all the time. Just think about it a young couple with children is at a very different place then where this same couple is when the children have grown and have left home. Couples, in order to stay emotionally connected, have to keep rekindling their relationship. Couples who are emotionally connected with each other make these periodic adjustments quite readily.

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When people are on the career track and/or also raising children they have far less time and energy for their relationship. What can easily happen is that the couple may not pay attention to nourish the emotional connection between them. Each instead may end up forming an emotional connection with someone or something else. It is easy to make work or children the primary emotional connection. When couples have drifted from having an emotional connection with each other their sense of closeness with each other suffers.

Rekindling becomes a way of reconnecting with each other and making the couple relationship be their primary relationship. For some people drugs, alcohol, or prescription drugs form the emotional connection in which case the partner will end up feeling very alone. In these situations in order to rekindle couple intimacy they will have to make sure that their couple relationship provides the primary emotional connection. In order to achieve that may require learning effective communication and relationship tools.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What Do I Do and Why as a Marriage Counseling Professional?

100 Years of Marriage Counseling Theory and Practice:

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) claimed that the roots of the psychological problems are innate motives (sex and aggression); the conscious mental processes have trivial importance compared with the unconscious mind; the psychoanalysis is the technique of helping persons with emotional problems.

Since his time, the topics of sexual gratification and the need to control (a form of aggression) are the core issues in most Marriage Counseling cases.

B.F. Skinner (1904-1999): Strict behaviorist that command us to deal only with measurable and overt behaviors and its changes as a response to reinforcement or sanctions. After the attitude change processes, couples need to reach behavioral changes. That is the source for all behavioral pattern change plans.

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Albert Bandura (.. 1925.. ): his Social Learning Theory emphasizes the processes of learned behavior through observation and imitation of significant persons in our environment. Most undesirable behaviors, in regards to marriage harmony, like verbal, physical and substances abuse are well explained by his theory.

Humanistic Psychology (..1950-70..): Unconscious mind do often defeats efforts to make good decisions, but human being possess an innate tendency to improve and determine their lives by the decisions they make. Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) theorized that we all try to achieve positive self esteem and to search for self actualization. Theses powerful motives explain many 'bad marriage behaviors', such as infidelity. Carl Rogers (1902-1987) developed the Unconditional Acceptance therapy method, which helps marriage partners to achieve a 'second chance' attitude, both from therapists and spouses.

Virginia Satir (1916-1988) helped to understand the required Change Process Model, which work well for two person's team as well as for entire organizational change wave. She also trained the profession to pay only little attention to the "presenting issue" or the surface problem, since this is seldom the real problem; rather, to understand, and later change, how people cope with the issue, since their behavior at that point creates the problem.

Now Listen Carefully-

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