My Husband Ignores My Feelings: Why Does My Husband Not Care About My Feelings

My Husband Ignores My Feelings: Why Does My Husband Not Care About My Feelings

An unhappy marriage is not unusual and probably a lot of marriages are unhappy at some of the time. Obviously, this would vary depending on the level of happiness involved. The precise definition of married and happy or married but unhappy will vary for different couples.

As marriages mature, the definition of happiness evolves. When you were newlyweds you were probably happy just to be together and a romantic evening consisted of a quick dinner and off to the bedroom.

The longer you're married the more other interests take the place of each other. Being with each other used to be enough but with the passage of time and circumstance it becomes harder to reach a level of satisfaction. You mind is filled with thoughts of children, making the car payment or the in-laws coming over for dinner. What can be done to reignite the spark and fix an unhappy marriage?

1. Reflect On The Past Together.

If you both take time to think how it was once so you'll remember what you're missing out on. Look at old photographs to remember your past holidays and romantic breaks. Talk about how you felt then in contrast to nowadays and why you feel that you have slipped into an unhappy marriage.

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2. Buy A Small Gift Which Says I Love You.

It doesn't have to be a high-priced gift. In fact, it's better if it's not. A surprise present is both a pleasure to give and be given. You don't have to wait for a specific event. It is just about showing your partner that you care for them. It's a way to say thank you for just being there. A note can mean just as much as a gift and can go a long way to help fix marriage problems. All you need to write are a few words of love.

3. Be Spontaneous.

Do something on the spur of the moment. Arrange a picnic without asking the other. They do it in the movies, so why not in the real world? Prepare a nice food basket and go to the park or spread a sheet on the floor. It's the unexpected togetherness of doing something that is important and can really help get rid of the boredom in an unhappy marriage.

4. Go Away Together.

Go on a romantic trip together. Pick a spot that you can have some fun together while getting to know your partner a little better. A trip can help eliminate stress of an unhappy marriage and allows you to be more yourself with your partner. More marriage problem signs are reported from couples who have not been on a trip together in the last six years of their relationship.

5. Talk And Listen To Each Other.

One of the best ways to fix marriage problems is to start communicating with your husband or wife. This means not only talking about what has happened during the day at home and work but also sharing private thoughts and feelings. This is crucial for both of you even if it is difficult to do at first. It will become something both of you look forward to if given the chance.

Don't disregard these ideas believing that they won't work for you. Give them a try and be creative. It is unlikely they would make your marriage any more unhappy than it is at the moment. Begin tomorrow with a surprise morning kiss for your husband or wife and watch their eyes light up.

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I thought I knew everything about marriage until I was married. All I could think of back then was that I needed a covering... a husband who will lead me closer to Jesus... a man I can spend the rest of my life with... a man who I can pray with and read the Word with... a man I can be intimate with. I was tired of waiting and felt I already lived my single life to the fullest.

What I didn't know and which you may not probably realize as well until you get there are the things I am going to share with you here.

Though I knew then that when you get married you become one with the other person, I didn't realize that the becoming one is a challenging and humbling process. A lot of couples give up on this part and they just decide to live separate lives. Honestly, it is easier to just do the things I have been used to doing than adapt myself to what my husband is doing. Yet, the Bible says that wives are to adapt to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Though we are still to maintain our own identities, it is the role of the wife to "adapt", meaning, to adjust or modify fittingly. This became one of my greatest struggles during the early part of my marriage.

My husband used to complain to me that I was quick to jump into something when he is doing something. I used to be so defensive about this explaining to him that I have always been an "on-to-go" person, always thinking of something to do. He said something to me one day that really hit me. He asked me how I can be available for him when he needs me if I always keep myself busy with other things. That's when I really started praying and examining myself.

Wives are their husband's help-meet. The Hebrew meaning for the word help meet is simply one who helps. As a wife, I have to be by my husband's side. As a wife, I am also called to subordinate myself to my husband, meaning, I have to subordinate even my ministry under him.

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My concept of marriage before was that my husband and I will work side by side, him doing his own thing while I do my own thing, and we will just complement each other. Though there is nothing wrong with this, I didn't see myself as subordinating everything to him, or being available to stand by his side.

Looking at the other side of the coin, it is the husband's responsibility to lead his wife. This is not easy for a man who is used to just leading himself and it is even more difficult for a man who has a wife who knows exactly what she is doing. This was the case with my husband. Though he wanted me by his side to help him, he didn't know how to teach me to work with him. So he ended up working separately from me. And since I didn't know how to adapt and subordinate, I ended up working separately from him too. This surely caused a lot of strain in our marriage.

Though I am learning to adapt and subordinate to him and he is learning to lead me more effectively, we still have a long ways to go. We both realize that being one takes time and that what is important is for us to continue submitting ourselves and our marriage to God and His perfect will.

Another thing I've learned about marriage that I didn't realize back then was the self-giving and sacrifice. Though I've heard about this a lot of times, I didn't understand what it really was until I was there. I thought I could do almost everything I used to do. I didn't realize that even my quiet time with the Lord will be affected. Paul himself warned us about this. He said:

My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord-how he may please the Lord; But the married man is anxious about worldly matters-how he may please his wife. And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs-how she may please her husband. Now I say this for your own welfare and profit, not to put [a halter of] restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and in good order and to secure your undistracted and undivided devotion to the Lord

(1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

Though I am still able to spend undivided time with the Lord, it is not the same as when I was single and I had the luxury of time to just stay in His presence for two hours. Praise Jesus I made the most of that time.

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The greatest thing I've learned about marriage is its parallelism with God and His church. When I read from a book that the Bible starts and ends in marriage, I then realized that I am not just a wife for the heck of it. I am in my marriage for me to understand better the relationship of God with us, His people. Everything about the marriage, from courtship to the marriage itself is symbolic to everything that God did for us.

I watched a video explaining an ancient Jewish wedding and its parallelism with Jesus and His church. The man goes to the house of the woman he desires to marry and talks to her father. If the woman's father gives him the permission, the man knocks at the woman's bedroom. If the woman likes him, she then opens the door for him. This is where the engagement happens. The woman bathes and then prepares a meal for her and her groom to be. They eat the meal together. The groom-to-be gives her presents and then leaves her to prepare a home for them.

The presents are also reminders for the bride to be, so she will always remember her future groom and not get weary waiting for him. The groom-to-be goes home to his father's house and his father helps him prepare his home for his future bride. After the house is built, the groom-to-be returns to his bride and blows a trumpet outside her house. The bride goes out and his groom takes her home and brings her to their honeymoon suite where they spend seven days of time alone together. After seven days, they get out of their honeymoon chamber and have a marriage celebration.

The man knocking at the woman's door is parallel to Jesus knocking at our hearts. The woman opening the door is us opening our hearts to Jesus and receiving Him as Lord and Savior. The woman bathing is parallel to our water baptism while the sharing of meal is the breaking of bread or Communion. The gifts represent the Holy Spirit who Jesus left with us after He went back to His Father's house. Jesus is still preparing a home for us. When He returns there will also be a blowing of the shofar. And He will take us home where there will be a great wedding feast.

Truly, marriage is bigger than what I thought it was.

So if you are single, and you have been waiting to be married, know that the reason for your long wait is because God is preparing you for something bigger than what you're thinking. Enjoy your blessed singleness to the fullest as you will not have the luxury of time again.

If you are married and struggling in your marriage, bear in mind what I shared with you here about the parallelism of your marriage to Jesus' relationship with us. Think of your marriage as a representation of Jesus' church. With this in mind, know that you have been called for a higher calling and that God gave you a stewardship of this marriage. If you are a man, then you are called to present your wife to Jesus the way He will present His church to His Father. If you are a wife, you are called to adapt to your husband the way a church submits to the leadership of Jesus Christ.

It doesn't matter how difficult your husband or wife may be. Continue submitting to the Lord and doing your part in that marriage, and God will do His part.

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What men want in a woman is someone who was on the popular TV show, "MasterChef". It's because men are attracted to people who have had air time. I kid. I'm using MasterChef as another analogy. What do you remember when you think about the show and the contestants? They are under strict time limits, they are under a lot of stress, they strive for perfection and individuality and they are ambitious. These are characteristics that any man would want in his life. You don't necessarily have to be a chef to have these characteristics. I'm going to explain now what men find so attractive about them.

1. Pressure Cooker

If you are able to cook under pressure, then you have what it takes to manage a family. In a family with children, the woman is the one who has the short straw. She usually does the cooking, the cleaning and school-related activities, and we haven't even talked about what she does for her husband yet.

Women are masters of multitasking and us men are so thankful to have them around. We might not always show it, but having a woman who works well under pressure is a very good woman to be married to.

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2. Individuality

Sexist men will often refer to women "becoming wives" after they get married, i.e. they get old, ugly and generally aren't that attractive anymore. Why am I finding that my wife is getting more and more attractive the longer I'm with her?

It's because my wife strives to maintain her individuality. She is a woman unto herself and I love her for that. She has her own life, I don't define her. The fact that she's also the mother of my daughter is something I'm thankful for. That's the mindset you should strive for if you want your man to love you year after year.

3. Ambition

This point is sort of related to the second point. If you're ambitious, you want to achieve something, even under all the pressure of raising a family and having a career. Ambition is also a mark of individuality that attractive people have.

If you are ambitious, you have even less time to go around. This means that the time that you spend with your husband is limited. If he doesn't realise he has to spend it wisely, he doesn't appreciate you.

What men want in a woman is a contestant from MasterChef. These women operate well under pressure, are strong individuals and have ambition outside of the family.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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