My Husband Feels Neglected: Wife Neglecting Husbands Needs

Many married couples particularly those who both work are successful in their respective professions. But it does not necessarily follow that they're successful as well in their personal relationship. So what are they to do then?

Right, married couples doing good in their jobs can always apply the things they do at work in their own personal lives. And why not? If you are able to establish a good relationship with your co-workers, if you know how to be honest and courteous with them, you can definitely do it with your loved one.

One of the best moves you can make when it comes to keeping your marital bond intact is to think first before you speak. What often happens particularly when one is upset over an incident at home is to flare up to his or her partner. Or it could be that you had issues at work and you vent your frustrations to your partner by saying things you're not supposed to say. But if you think about the consequences of what you're about to say, you will make a better move. The same is true when you're at work because honestly, you wouldn't just say negative things in front of your boss and other colleagues. And make sure that when you speak, you do it gently because the tone of your voice can make a big difference.

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In line with this, make sure that you go straight to the point if you want to express your opinions. Women are often guilty about rambling. They can say so many things and can even include work problems when they're discussing issues at home with their husbands. But if you get to the point of the matter, your arguments can be shortened and issues resolved right away.

Another way you can make your marriage work and avoid arguments is by applying the feel-felt-found strategy. If there's something that's bothering your partner, find out what it is and then know how to sympathize. You can give assurance to your partner that you know how he or she feels and then following it up with an "I felt the same way" piece. Finish it off with an "I found that... " pointing out the technique that solved the issue. This should work fine and should lead your partner to eventually agree with you.

Admitting your blunder is also an effective way of making yourself more attractive to your spouse. Oftentimes, couples don't want to let go of their pride but if you know how to admit your mistakes, it'll be a lot easier for both of you and you'll even be much appreciated.

Finally, don't make promises you can't fulfill because you will only so many disappointments. It would be best to do your best to keep up with the expectations but please, avoid the "I promise" piece. It's better that you exceed what's expected of you than make a grand promise and not deliver.

Keep in mind that you can keep your relationship for a lifetime if you learn how to apply what you do at work.

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It's been another sleepless night. Tossing and turning it's impossible to forget the weight of the world that's been coming down upon you. How did everything become so difficult in such a short time? Feeling defeated, exhausted and so uncertain of the next steps, where do you begin?

I've heard it said many times, trials are preparation. During the most difficult times this can have a reassuring effect. It's not the conflict that we face that is important; it is our response to it that will predict our outcome and final success as we emerge from times of trouble, disappointment or failure.

Thomas Edison failed over ten thousand times in his lab before finally producing the first incandescent light bulb, a design still largely unchanged to this day. What would his world have become had he accepted failure after just two or three attempts? How different would our world have been had he stopped after nine thousand attempts? It would still be failure it would have changed history.

Edison understood one thing, the power of perseverance. By persevering he eventually achieved success. Through his success he laid the ground work for a company that would eventually become General Electric.

Trials are indeed preparation. During our personal trials we don't always know what we're being prepared for or what the eventual outcome will be. We do know that it will require taking action on our part to achieve our goals and dreams.

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Use adversity to your advantage. If you are battling in your relationship or trying to get back with your spouse or loved one, adversity can bring the true issues to the surface. Use this time to evaluate your relationship and take the necessary steps to improve the situation. Often times in a relationship, issues that were once tolerable in the beginning have a way of building over time until the relationship explodes. A faltering relationship creates a pivotal time in a relationship and an opportunity for real growth between two individuals.

Is your career in jeopardy? Have you already lost your job? Have you been pursuing your dreams along the way or has it just been a job that you kept out of necessity? Now is the time to reevaluate what you really desire. If you love what you've been doing, do you need to take classes or pursue professional certification to secure an even better position? If you don't love what you've been doing then why not move towards your dreams and desires. It may be more difficult if you don't currently have a secure income. There's no time like the present and the insecurity you feel may be the fuel you need to make things happen much quicker than if you were to make a slow transition out of another job.

Adversity is only as difficult as you will allow it to be. Face it head on, embrace the possibilities ahead of you and transform your world in a way you have only dreamed of until now. The future is yours, make it what you want it to be.

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Ask the Marriage Maven: Seven Marriage Spice Ups

Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?


A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.

1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It's okay if you're the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you'll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you've made, especially if you don't point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.

2) I can't say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.

3) Date each other as if you weren't married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you're meeting for the first time--or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.

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4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.

5) Make a point to have a "second" honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can't get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.

6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don't hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.

7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your "me" time is in moderation, you'll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.

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How to save marriage assistance is available from marriage counselors and from couples who have achieved success in their marriages. It is great to know that professional pointers are readily available through counselors, books and classes.

There are also plenty of success stories from couples who got the tools they needed to heal damaging relationships. Here you will get some background and 3 tools that will assist in how to save your marriage. Commence your journey to an enhanced relationship. Your marriage can be better, take it from me.

All marriages have ups and downs. If you look at down times and bad times as hills to be conquered, you can find yourself joyfully sledding DOWN the slope, having overcome the obstacle. You are totally in control of how you approach any trouble in your relationship by evaluating your perspectives, adjust your expectations and use the resources available.

TOOL #1 - Clarify

First, you must commit to dramatically improving your relationship.

Secondly, be certain why you want to improve or save your marriage.

The following exercise should help you be more clear:

1. Label three separate pieces of paper at the top with 'About Being Married', 'How I see my partner', and 'How I imagine my partner Sees Me.'

2. Draw a line down the center making two columns on each.

3. List the good things on the left side of the page. List the bad or negative things on the right side of the page.

Third, take a hard look at your expectations of marriage and your personal perspective. Choose '-1' or '-2' for the following questions:

Are my perspectives consistent?

(A-1) Do I consider divorce an option?
(A-2) Do i refuse to entertain the thought of divorce?

(B-1) My partner is 'the problem'.
(B-2) As neither of us is perfect, I may be partly to blame.

(C-1) I figured I could lovingly bring my partner around once we were married.
(C-2) I realize that the only person I have the right to change is me.

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What are my expectations?

(D-1) Do I expect marriage to be a fun toboggan run with no uphill climb?
(D-2) Do I expect marriage to have regular ups and downs?

(E-1) Now that we are family, I can relax and act naturally around my partner.
(E-2) My partner is my lover who I need to woo and win over.

(F-1) When my partner and I get angry, we really yell at one another.
(F-2) We have pre-set 'Rules of Engagement' to keep us from hurting each other.

The second choice in each pair will provide you with more effective ways to work on your marriage. Of course, your perspectives and expectations are not the only ones that count. It would give you a common foundation to work from if you can persuade your partner to complete the same exercises.

Understanding where you start from in your expectations of marriage, yourselves and one another is a good building block. Couples will often believe they understand one another perfectly. It is humbling when we discover that some of our perceptions are very wrong. Misinterpretations can be deadly for a relationship.

The result of both of you completing these exercises can give you an opportunity to begin discussion with analysis of your different responses. Tell your partner in good fun that you want to discuss 'the State of Your Union'.

Discussing your results will provide new information on how you both view your marriage and what you would lose if it did not work out. If you do not yet have the skills to have this discussion without getting angry or defensive, you may want to engage a counselor.

When you have navigated through your answers and still want to turn your marriage around, you will be able to take the next step of aligning your expectations and broadening your perceptions.

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TOOL #2 - Forgive

Ah, if only it were that easy: clarify expectations, align them, & move forward together!

You will need to deal with pain and anger from the past to build a strong foundation for your marriage. You cannot move forward when hanging onto pain from the past. Letting go of hurt, pain, anger, and desire for revenge will be important to your success. In order to let go, you need to forgive.

To forgive is a choice you make so you can move forward. Hopefully with new insights into one another, more pain and hurt will not materialize.

It is not easy to forgive; it certainly does not cause you to forget. When thoughts of the pain or humiliation come back, push them back. It is important to remind yourself, "I forgive, I forgive". You may have to do this many times, but eventually the feelings will lift and be gone.

You can move towards forgiveness if you have a clear understanding of what a breakup would mean. Find several people who have experienced divorce and talk to them about it. Ask them what it felt like and how it impacted their children, parents, and siblings. Ask if they could suffer those feelings a second time. Divorce is often a nightmare of feelings that may make the struggle to forgive look appealing.

TOOL #3 - Attitude

How To Save Marriage, your marriage, is based on whether or not you believe you can. Henry Ford's famous quote sums up the power of attitude, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right." Decide to save your marriage. Put the word SAVE foremost in your mind when working on your marriage. It will lead your words, your actions and your decisions to more positive outcomes.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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