My Husband Drinks Everyday: How Do I Get My Husband To Stop Drinking

As a psychiatrist that specializes in treating addiction, I witness people married to an alcoholic elicit promises from their partner to stop drinking alcohol. People will nag, plead, and beg their alcoholic husband or alcoholic wife to quit drinking alcohol. Sometimes, their partner will "cave in" under the pressure and stop drinking alcohol for one or two days only to have an alcohol relapse. Then the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Here is an example of a case from my practice:

S.L. is 55 years old and has been married for 22 years. Her husband started drinking early on in their marriage. 10 years ago, after thousands of broken promises, S.L. threatened to leave her alcoholic husband. He was so shaken by this, that he got help and remained clean and sober for 7 years. However, he started drinking again and his alcohol consumption increased over time. S.L. and her husband fought about his drinking on a daily basis. He would get angry and defensive with her, but usually would agree to "cut back". He broke promise after promise. She left him for a short time, but the problem continued. This case is a typical example. She actually returned to her marriage. NOTHING has changed for the better and her husband continues to drink.

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Why would your alcoholic spouse break a promise to you that is more important to you than anything else in your life? Here are 5 reasons why your alcoholic spouse breaks his/her promise to you to stop drinking alcohol:

- Your alcoholic spouse experiences alcohol withdrawal symptoms because his/her brain has become alcohol dependent.

- Your alcoholic spouse has strong alcohol cravings.These alcohol cravings produce a strong primal drive to drink more alcohol.

- He/she may have started drinking in the first place to avoid facing problems such as sexual trauma as a child, an inability to face adult responsibilities, job pressures etc.

- Your alcoholic spouse may be self-medicating anxiety or depression.

- Your alcoholic spouse is not making the life style changes that are necessary to maintain sobriety such as being surrounded by sober friends at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, getting a sponsor for the 12-step meetings, seeing a psychiatrist and/or therapist, and learning coping skills to manage stress.

Alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease. Your spouses' brain is dependent on a substance which makes him/her feel hostage to alcohol. You, on the other hand, feel like a victim of the disease as well because you are suffering the consequences of his/her substance dependence. You are part of an alcoholic family meaning that every one who cares about the alcoholic is affected at a deep level. For this reason, alcoholism is known as a family disease.

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Your biggest marriage problems can be solved! As a matter of fact, you can solve them all by right approach. Have you been struggling with these problems for too long? Then you're probably wondering, "Why can't we just solve these problems and go on?"

Well, if you can't seem to solve those problems, I would suspect that one of your biggest marriage problems is a lack of communication. Good communication in marriage is indispensable. Why do some couples seem to never have problems with their marriage? I will guarantee you that all married couples have problems, but some handle them better than others so you never see their problems. They get rid of them quickly and efficiently.

How To Make Your Biggest Marriage Problems Worse!

It is easy to make your problems worse...just don't communicate...or worse yet, communicate in the wrong way. Here's what happens so often:

1. You think that you are doing a great job of getting your point across. However, you have that certain tone in your voice and your mannerisms shout out that you angry.

2. You accuse and criticize instead of explain in a calm and loving manner. If you love your spouse, then talk to him or her in a loving manner.

3. You are only talking and not listening. Love cares about what the other feels.

4. You get defensive. Once this happens everything goes to pot. If your spouse is getting defensive, perhaps you're getting too offensive. Love and be tender.

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5. You can cause your spouse to clam up. If your spouse doesn't want to talk, examine yourself to see if you come across harshly or offensively. You can be the cause. Watch the tone of your voice.

If you resolve the above issues resolving your problems will be a lot easier.

3 Steps To Resolving Your Marriage Problems

Here is a quick 3-step lesson on resolving even your biggest marriage problems through good communication:

1. Prepare before you confront your problems. Think about what the problem is and write it down so you will see it clearly. Remember, you will be talking to the one you married because you love and cherish him or her. Don't accuse or blame anyone, just tell your spouse how you feel and assure your spouse of your love. When your spouse tells you how he or she feels, don't blame, just accept that your spouse feels that way. Real love will be compassionate and desire to heal any hurt feelings.

2. Talk ahead of time about a time you will talk about your problem. Make sure it is a time when you are both rested and feel your best. Avoid talking about these things when you are tired or just come home from work.

3. Agree that you are trying to find solutions, not to argue. Once you understand how each other feels, write down some ways you can avoid repeating whatever it is that causes frustration or anger. Do all in love.

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For many couples who are in a failing marriage, things can often seem bleak and hopeless. This doesn't have to be the case, though. There are many different ways that you can go about improving your relationship and avoiding divorce altogether. You don't have to become just one more couple who ends their relationship in divorce. If you truly love the person you are with then they are worth keeping and also worth the work that it takes to repair the marriage.

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One of the best ways to go about saving your marriage is to first examine exactly are the problems. They could be fairly simple or more complex, but to truly get to the core of them, you need to know how to properly communicate with each other. Believe it or not, it truly is an art form. It's more than just spouting off how you feel and listening to the other person. If you are listening, just waiting for your turn to talk, then you need to start paying more attention to what your partner is saying.

When you are communicating your thoughts and feelings, if you are doing so in a reckless and inarticulate way, you may want to start being more thoughtful about what you want to say to your partner before you say it. Make sure whatever your saying does not offend them and is respectful as well. When you communicate this way with your partner you are putting yourselves on the path to a long and happy marriage. However it takes constant work and is a life long process of maintaining.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Ups and downs in any marriage are common. Some will crumble while there are also those that hold strong during crisis. Every marriage and every couple is unique. Something that works for a couple might not necessarily work for another. However, all marriages have something in common. Signs indicating that trouble might be brewing in the marriage. The earlier a couple recognizes the signs, the faster they can seek help from marriage counseling.

Most married couples do not understand the importance of counseling. They prefer to seek help and advices from families and close friends. Even though the intentions are good, chances are the advices given can backfire. Couples need to realize that they stand a better chance to save their marriage if they start counseling early.

What are the most likely signs that your marriage is having a problem?

- One or both spouses are cheating

- More time is spend apart doing separate activities

- Do not enjoy their time spend together

- Nagging, bickering and nitpicking a great deal even on things that are so insignificant

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- Lack of communication

- Money issues

- Problems with children

- Do not share problems together.

- Low level or lack of intimacy

- Disagree on the long term goals and values in the marriage and for the family

All problems can be resolved. You do not need to stay in an unhappy marriage. Neither do you need to opt for a separation or a divorce. The best option is to seek marriage counseling. You must give your marriage a fair chance. Try to make it work by talking to a counselor.

When you attend marriage counseling, you will learn to handle some of the following issues:

- How to communicate with your spouse openly and clearly

- How to listen effectively to help resolve conflicts

- How to manage your anger and resentment

- How to fulfill your spouse needs without compromising yours

- How to make marriage work without being demanding

- How to handle unresolved matters and issues calmly

- How to understand your spouse better

The next time you come across a friend or family members who are having marriage problems, do them a favor. Encourage them to talk to a counselor. Seek help early. You will have a better chance to save your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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