My Husband Can't Get Over My Past: Husband Obsessed With My Past
Hurting the person you love can make the both of you suffer. Human beings are full of faults and we often do things that we later regret. When you hurt your romantic partner or spouse, sometimes, you're not only hurting them, but you end up hurting yourself, too, by losing them. Betrayal, neglect, and deception can be the most hurtful things that you can do to the person you love. When these happen, it can ruin or end relationships. If you want to fix things and make everything better again, you have to ask for forgiveness. Convincing your partner to trust you again is no easy feat. But if your partner truly loves you, then he or she will be willing to give you a chance to regain the trust you once had. Here are five steps to convince your partner to forgive you:
First, accept responsibility and blame yourself. You've done your partner wrong. No one else did it for you. So apologize and man up to your actions. Do not blame your partner for your cheating because she neglected you; do not blame your partner for lying to her because she nags a lot; do not blame your friends for not coming home to your partner because you drank too much. Own up to your actions, admit you were wrong, and apologize. The very first thing you should do is admit that you made a mistake.
Second, show how sorry you are through your actions, not just through your words. A simple sorry is not good enough. Make a promise to not do it again and actually stick to it. Saying words is so easy to do but actually doing something means a lot. Be ready to sacrifice, as well. If your friends are on a drinking binge tonight, do not join them. Spend that time with your partner, instead.
Third, be patient. Forgiveness does not happen overnight. It takes time. If your partner wants space and time apart, then respect her enough to give it. Do not pressure your partner to forgive you. If you're really serious about asking for forgiveness, you will wait.
Fourth, be humble. Even if you know your partner will eventually forgive you, do not be overconfident. Show humility by giving your partner the upper hand. Let them be king or queen until they forgive you.
And fifth, forgive yourself. Blame yourself, apologize, and sacrifice - but go easy on yourself, too. Just because you hurt your partner it doesn't mean you're a bad person. By forgiving yourself, you're letting go of the guilt and the sooner you do this, the sooner you can take action to be a better person.
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Is the magic that existed between you and your spouse when you were first married-gone? If it is, then you're probably interested in bringing it back. Though the issue is often addressed in comic strips, movies, and standup routines, many couples lose the magical feelings that they shared when they were married. As time marches one, the magic often disappears faster than a coin during a magician's trick. Here are some ways to bring back that magic:
1. Remember how you felt when you first met.
Think about the time that you fell in love with your spouse. Maybe it was the first time that you made eye-to-eye contact with your current husband or wife. Or maybe it was on the first date. Regardless of when it happened, think about the magical feelings that the two of you shared. Your mission is for the two of you to experience that feeling again. If you can, then you'll boost the chance of rekindling your marriage. The key is to get that feeling back again!
2. Show your spouse that he or she is special.
While not every human wants to be rich or famous, just about everyone wants to feel special. Remember that when trying to get that magic feeling again with your spouse. It's the little things that will help to make it happen. Complement your spouse on how he or she looks on a particular day, or something that he or she has recently accomplished. Do something that your husband or wife is constantly nagging you to do-and do it voluntarily! Buy her a dozen roses or bring him a glass of iced tea. A little gesture can go a long way!
3. Spice up your life.
Indeed, variety is the spice of life. This doesn't mean that you should necessary undergo a complete makeover, or change your personality entirely. But making slight changes to your day-to-day routine will help to rekindle your marriage. For example, randomly do something special for your spouse even if it isn't his or her wedding. And do something different to change up your daily routine, such as during mealtimes or bedtime. Your spouse will probably notice these changes, which will likely make him or her feel extra special.
4. Start dating again.
OK, this might seem odd if you're already married. Isn't dating supposed to happen BEFORE marriage? Yes, but keep in mind that your goal is to get back that "magical" feeling you had, when you first met. The best way to do that is to relive those moments. Dine out at a restaurant. Catch a movie. Take a walk in the park. It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you spend some quality time together. It will give you a chance to forget about your work and kids for a while, and focus on your relationship as a couple.
While rekindling your marriage isn't always easy, it begins with the first spark. These tips will help you and your spouse to get back that magical feeling you had when you first met!
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One of the hardest things that can happen in marriage is infidelity. It is very hard to give your trust to a person. It will be harder to give it back once they have broken their promise to love no one else but you. There may be lots of tips that you can find about how to save a marriage. But the fact is that it will really be a hard quest when the issue is all about infidelity.
Think things through. After you have pondered about what led to the situation, you might be able to see light at the end of it all. When you have accepted such things, you may try these tips on how to save a marriage to help your relationship get back on track even after such big hurdle.
1. Listen. Talk to your partner and allow them to explain. What they did was wrong. But you have to find out why they resorted to such. Through this, you will understand the needs of your partner. You will also realize the mistakes that both of you have committed. Such talk can actually result to positive outcome when it comes to your relationship. Let this be a good start of a clean slate. Be open to each other to avoid the temptations that may always be lurking around, waiting for its prey.
2. Open up. You have to make your partner understand what you are going through. You have to make them feel the pain that was caused by such ugly incident. You have to let them know how you are hurting. And you must make them understand that it may not be easy, but you are willing to try to make things work out.
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3. You have to exert effort in changing the ways that led to such unfaithfulness from your partner. Upon knowing both of your mistakes, you must do things in order to make things better for both of you and for your family.
4. Learn how to forgive. It is easy to say that you have forgiven your partner. But the words must come from your heart. If you will give this to them, you have to do it at the time when you are ready for such and you are willing to give the relationship another try.
5. Both of you must limit your expectations with one another. Do not try to stress yourselves out by expecting too much from your partner and from the relationship.
6. You have to show that you care. After a heated argument or series of fights regarding the issue that you were faced with, you have to reassure your partner that you love them. And the best thing that you can do is by showing them exactly how much through your actions.
7. If nothing positive is coming out from talking by yourselves, both of you must seek professional counseling. This is the best time to turn to a mediator who can help you both in seeing things from all angles.
8. Maintain the lines of communication between you and your partner open. No matter how bad the days seem to be, at the end of the argument, you must talk things out so that it won't get out of hand.
9. Put more romance in the relationship.
10. Prove your love to one another.
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In a perfect world, marriage would be a total union of the heart, mind, soul and bank accounts. Unfortunately, even though you are husband and wife, many times we end up dividing our assets long before we ever see the inside of a divorce court.
The most common area of our marriage where we tend to divide up things is financially. Money may make the world go round but it can make a marriage a mess. This problem itself manifests itself differently depending on the financial circumstances themselves.
For example. In a one income family where the man works and the woman takes care of the house, all too often, the man hands up the funds with an eye dropper, giving his wife an allowance. The wife takes it because she's not contributing to the house financially. She resents every minute of it but doesn't feel she has any choice.
Then there is the situation where both the husband and wife have their own jobs. When this happens it becomes a war of "It's my money and I can do what I want with it". Ultimately, what will happen in these scenarios is that the wife will go out and buy something extravagant, just to show her husband that she can do it because she has her "own" money. In most cases, the husband will resent this because he looks at it as an attack on his manhood. He's not the only income provider and therefore his role in the home isn't that important. This is also a way for the wife to assert her independence. The question you have to ask is, since when did we need to be independent in a marriage? What happened to that joining of souls?
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
But the problem with mine, yours and ours doesn't just end with money. It goes way beyond that to just about everything we own. Many times in a marriage we do bring things into it that we owned previously such as a stereo system or maybe even something as big as our own car. Many times, even after the marriage vows, that car is still mine and not ours. Many times we find ourselves asking our spouse if we can borrow the car keys or use their stereo.
So why is it like this? The truth is, it would take a team of head shrinks and a millennium to answer that question. Maybe we don't want to relinquish the things we have. Maybe we're afraid that if we share everything we'll lose our identities. Maybe we're just jealous and insecure because our spouse brought "more" into the marriage. Maybe we need to feel superior because we're the one who brought more into the marriage. With all the prenuptial agreements being made everyday, it certainly is something to consider.
Whatever the reasons are, the mine yours and ours syndrome is not likely to go away soon unless we can go into a marriage and truly become one with our spouse. The chances of that happening any time soon or slim to none.
Just ask the lawyers.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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