Mother In Law Controlling My Husband: Mother In Law Manipulates My Husband
When you get married, you not only get a spouse but also the in-laws! Often, problems in a marriage are created by issues relating to the spouse's parents.
A marriage is considered to result in a new family with the husband and wife as the nucleus. But the husband's connection with his parents and siblings and the wife's with hers are not cut off. The links will be there for a long time. Sometimes, these links act like strings trying to pull you in some direction you do not like to take. If you try to cut off the link, it will upset your spouse and affect your relationship.
Thus handling the spouse's family members becomes an important issue in many marriages. If your in-laws choose to be assertive, then there will be confrontations leading to misunderstanding and bitterness. Some in-laws, however, are wise and understanding. They will understand you and do things carefully in such a way that you will have no problems in dealing with them.
The irritants from your spouse's family members may arise at various times and on various issues. They will usually advise on how you should take care of your spouse. The advise may be general or in the nature of complaining, implying that you have not been taking care of your spouse as you should be.
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They may try to intervene when you have a relationship problem with your spouse. If their intervention helps in easing the situation, it is fine. But often, it may only exacerbate the situation since they will be inclined to take the side of your spouse and blame you for the situation.
There are three ways of dealing with the interference from your spouse's parents:
1) Grin and bear it:
If you have a sense of humor, you can make light of their advice. You can listen to them, just laugh off their suggestions and do what you want to. They will soon get exasperated and stop interfering.
2) Confront them;
You can tell them frankly that you do not like their interference. They may be put off. Your spouse may also be displeased with you. But if you take a firm stand once, you will be able to overcome this problem once for all.
3) Get the co-operation of your spouse:
You can talk to your spouse and make them understand your situation. If you are able to convince your spouse of the undesirability of their family members' interfering in your affairs, your spouse will talk to them and keep them away.
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It would be very easy right now for you to make really rash decisions to try to save your marriage. However, doing this will definitely cause more harm than good to your already fragile situation, simply because you are letting your emotions drive you to do things that you shouldn't.
If your marriage has been a little rocky in recent months, then there is a very good chance that things are really tense between you and your spouse. You will very likely try to pin the blame onto each other, which will only cause more hard feelings between the two of you.
Of course it is very important that you talk to each other about the issues in your marriage, but you will need to plan this carefully so as to avoid any more unpleasantness. As there is probably a tense atmosphere in your home right now, it would be a good idea for you and your spouse to go away for a few days.
Apart from this having a calming effect on both you and your spouse, it is very possible that it will bring back good memories for you, and you could very well enjoy your time together. The whole aim of this time away together is to ensure that you can have a relaxed discussion about the troubles in your marriage and what you need to do to rectify them and save your marriage.
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Don't only talk about your problems though, as this will cause a very negative atmosphere between you and your spouse. Make a point of talking about all the good things in your time together as well. Reminisce about the days you started dating, when you decided to get engaged, as well as the fabulous wedding you had and how happy you were then. You will both realize just how much there is to lose if you don't try to save your marriage.
Sometimes, with the pressures of everyday life, the good times are forgotten - revive them again - they can only make your decisions that much easier. You will probably find that talking about all the good times you had together will make it a lot easier to discuss your problems, as well as make you and your spouse more willing to fix them, so that you can save your marriage.
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Are you constantly fighting with your wife or husband? Does this cause you to feel frustrated and alone? Marriage stress can become much more harmful after a while. Simple irritating things can lead to huge fight and can in the long run be the causes of divorce. So what is the secret answer that will take care of all the problems you are having?
The simply answer is Commitment!
Studies have shown that couples that endured hardships and fighting have made the choice of committing to their marriage no matter what obstacles they faced. It´s the secret to long and successful marriages.
Those who commit to their marriage has an iron will to resolve these things. They do this because they believe very much that their marriage is worth saving. The opposite is also true, those who aren´t sure their marriage is worth saving will often look for reasons to get out.
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They blame their partner for their current situation, they want their partner to change and won´t admit that they have had any part in their deteriorating relationship. This can never lead to a happy ending and are one of the many causes of divorce.
You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on a relationship counselor. People who do this often think there is a complex answer to their problems. This may be true but the core skill that must be learned is to simply commit to the relationship.
Only then will you be able to deal with marriage stress, conflicts, expectations and other marriage problems that can be the causes of divorce if they are not handled with respect.
According to statistics, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
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Bring out the creative person you are and splash some good old fashion fun back into your marriage! You can do these things right from home without breaking the pocketbook. Turn the TV off, play some of your favorite music and do some enjoyable things together for a change. Watch the relationship between you and your spouse get tighter!
1. Play a board game instead of watching TV (scrabble, monopoly, Clue)
2. Listen to some Jazz music, light some candles and talk about anything
3. Have a romantic picnic
4. Get on the floor together and do stretch exercises
5. Take turns reading a book that you both like out loud, and then discuss what you read.
6. Make your own home movie or music CD
7. Create a personal web page together
8. Cook a scrumptious meal together
9. Buy a microphone and have your own karaoke
10. Give each other a twenty minute massage, and take it from there
Here are a few more fun things you can do, if you have time, and money in the wallet.
1. See a live play at the theater
2. Go to the beach or mountains for the weekend or longer if permissible
3. Take up a hobby together, such as sailing or photography
4. Spend the night in a hotel. (Make sure they have a Jacuzzi)
5. Take up roller skating or ice skating (fun way to keep those legs in shape)
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Come on, don't let your marriage dry out!
If you feel like your marriage is heading into the doldrums and you can't get out of the rut, then its time to share more of your self with your spouse. Why wait for you to both get bored with the relationship? Play together!
Doing even simple things together can bring laughter and joy back into your conversations. Sharing pleasurable times together will not only bring you closer to your spouse, but will help you to remember who your spouse is.
Often times, because of busy schedules and different agendas, couples don't realize how easy it is to grow apart, until one day down the road they don't know each other anymore. Over the course of time, months or years, a growth process takes place, and you find that the person you married is changed because you have not grown together, but apart, and that's not good!
So turn off that TV, and get to know each other again through sharing of your self. Above all, while doing these things together, remember to always share the best part of your self with your spouse. What is the best part of your self? Find it, and share it.
There is no better gift of love that you can give your spouse than your willingness to accept them just the way they are.
Acceptance is love, and by showing open-mindedness, understanding and patience with your spouse, your marriage can endure through the hard-hitting times as well as the enjoyable.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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