Monogamous Sex and Sustainable Relationships

As we begin to understand the differences in the male and female brain regarding our sexual desires and libidos, it feels important to examine the way we view monogamy in a long term sustainable relationship.

Monogamy, as defined by wikipedia, is one + marriage; a form of marriage in which an individual has only one spouse at any one time. Monogamous sex is to have one sexual partner at a time irrespective of marriage or reproduction.

We see in our media, men being lambasted for having sexual encounters outside of the relationship/marriage. In the US, it doesn't matter what profession or social status, men are finding the need for pleasure outside of their primary relationship.  We do not hear about women much in the media, even though there are some that report their infidelity is as common as in men. I, personally, find this difficult to believe as the scientific evidence is confirmed that the sexual center in the male brain is 2-1/2 times larger than the female brain. Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," and "The Male Brain," writes that adolescent boys think about sex every 9 seconds while adolescent girls think about it once a day. This is some mighty powerful wisdom to consider in why men are having all those sexual encounters...imagine if your brain just couldn't turn it off the desire. I also take a stand for women finding their true inner sexuality so that they can experience more pleasure during sex which makes a man more turned on to have sex with YOU.

However, underneath the sexual desires of the male brain, lies a need for a deep and meaningful connection to another human being. A woman has that same need.  A sexually monogamous relationship is one pathway for that to happen.

Although there are plenty of arguments, about the boring and routine nature of monogamous sex in a long term relationship, there are three significant aspects to monogamy that, in my mind, make it the best pathway to deep and meaningful connection and sustainability.

    1)    Why are we in relationship with others? I believe relationships, such as marriage, are there to reflect back to us who we are in our deepest truth. When a sacred space of trust and love is the foundation for sexual monogamy, the potential to learn about yourself is ripe for the taking. We can'聂t see ourselves the way the world sees us, so our loved ones give us feedback on our impact. When you commit to a healthy sexually monogamous relationship, the stage is set for deep truths to be shared and revealed. When we share ourselves with others (more than one lover at a time), I don't see how it is possible to achieve the same depth of connection. Do women want depth more then men???

    2)    In a sexually monogamous relationship that is honest and healthy, the atmosphere is one of calm, peace, and love. There is complete transparency with no need to hide any details of your life. The more that is exposed, received, and appreciated by your partner, the closer the bond.

    3)    An obvious advantage is the safety in knowing that, as long as you and your partner are free of disease, there is no transmission of STDs. This also provides a safety net of good health.

Let me acknowledge that these points rely on an honesty and integrity to the highest degree for the sacred possibilities of deep and loving connection.

For me personally, I like the phrase "hot monogamy" shared by one of my inner beauty experts, Magatte Wade. Give me the familiar mixed with some ongoing curiosity and adventure, and I am one satisfied sexual being! :)

Thoughts, reactions...bring it on!