Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Fairest of Them All? You Are!

That’s always been an interesting question, especially since the one asking is portrayed as an evil, mean quuen (Snow White’s step mother.) It represents ego and our obsession with how we look and the superficiality that comes from wanting to be pleasing to others’ eyes.

But what if this was a question that we, as women, posed to our own internal mirrors and the answer was always – “You Are”?

When my oldest daughter was four years old, she would dress up as a Disney Princess. She just loved the big, puffy dresses and pretending she was a princess. Then one day, she came down the stairs in one of her ball dresses, stopped in front of a mirror we had at the bottom of the steps (some feng shui thing) and said, “I’m not pretty.”

As I let the words sink in, my heart began to turn. “Of course, you are, honey. You’re beautiful!” I said. To which she replied, “No, I’m not.”

Okay, so what’s going on here? Where is this coming from? And how in the world do four year olds already have judgments about beauty? I was perplexed. I had to sit with that for a while, asking myself where she was picking that stuff up from.

Perhaps it was from me. What was I saying about myself that was less than caring? What negative messages was I sending her when I talked about not liking my hair or my flabby belly? And then I had to expand that circle out even more. I wasn’t the only one influencing my daughter – her preschool teachers, T.V. shows, other women in our lives – were all influencing how she was looking at herself because of how they were looking (and speaking about) at themselves.

I knew I had to shift something within me. Why was I tying my self worth to what my hair or belly looked like? I was I not honoring and being caring toward myself. Most of all, this disempowering of self was causing my daughter to feel disempowered.

How many times have we said or done things that degrade who we are? And how many of those times were there young girls around us listening and watching this self mutilation?

I began looking within myself for the places I felt less than, not pretty enough, and not good enough. And I began loving those places. I began shifting my perspective about what beauty looks like or should look like. I began healing the stories that disempowered who I was as a human being. And I began to honor my scars. I began to shed light in the dark rooms of judgments I held about myself; and as I did, I began to notice my confidence growing, and my daughter’s confidence growing as well.

When you are feeling like the mirror is not saying you are the fairest of them all, try these tools ~

• Ask what lies are you buying into?

• Find three things you love about yourself (personality, physical attributes, or something you’re good at) and say them aloud. If you can do this in front of a mirror, even better

• Write yourself a love letter

• Engage with people who can see your true beauty and worth

• Go inspire a young girl whose self esteem is low

Although these are tools that help shift you in the moment, healing those broken pieces take time, awareness, and willingness. Know that you are already whole and perfect just as you are. Repeat this to yourself, “I’m whole, perfect, and complete.” You may feel like a fraud as you say these words for the first few, ten, a hundred times, but the more you say it, you’ll condition your brain to believe it.

Be not only an inspiration to yourself, but to other women and young women as well. After all, you are the fairest of them all and it’s time you honor YOU!

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