When we lack confidence, we often shy away from making commitments. We hold out for a better offer, we worry that we may be committing to the wrong thing, and we fear the consequences of making a bad choice. We don't trust our intuition, worry about getting it wrong, and are afraid of missing out on something better.

All these fears are examples of boyish scarcity thinking: that there's not enough of whatever we want in life to go around, so we can't afford to risk missing out in the future by committing to the wrong thing now. And we don't want to get stuck wasting time and energy on something that doesn't end up perfectly the way we would have liked.

The obvious problem with failing to commit to things is that we miss out on enjoying the benefits that would would have got by taking a commitment on and following it through. We lose the ability to make decisions, and this undermines our self-confidence even further. It becomes a vicious cycle.

The remedy is to start thinking and acting like a man instead of a boy: to start making commitments, and to following through on them. Practice making decisions more rapidly, and spend less time agonizing over them. Set goals for yourself and honor them. This is particularly important if you're a person who avoids setting goals and making commitments because you're afraid that you'll fail or that you won't follow through on them. Follow through on what you tell other people you are going to do; and if you decide not to honor a particular commitment, be straight with the other people that it affects and be clear with both them and yourself as to why.

Many of us are looking for quick fixes to our problems, but there are no quick fixes in real life. If there is a quick fix to lacking self-confidence, I certainly haven't found it yet. In my experience, building self-confidence requires stepping slightly outside our comfort zone on a regular basis, gradually expanding that comfort zone each time we achieve a win doing something new. Making a significant and lasting difference requires a commitment to doing this repeatedly every day over a long period of time.

Continuing to want a quick fix is just more boyish thinking which won't lead you to becoming a mature, confident man. Nor will simply reading books like Confident Man. But committing to taking the actions outlined in the program it contains certainly will. So set aside an average of half an hour each day over the next year to put the program into practice. Review the bonus material that comes with it, read the other books it recommends, and follow the action steps. If you do this, by this time next year you will have completely transformed your life and the way you feel about it. Take a moment to imagine how fantastic you are going to feel this time next year, and start feeling excited about making the commitment that's going to get you there.

Making a significant new commitment like this means giving up something else that was filling that space in your life before. Chances are that with slightly better time management you can find a half hour each day without too much trouble, but it may mean giving up half an hour of blobbing out in front of the television watching mindless brain-numbing drivel each night. Or getting up half an hour earlier. Or spending less time with the loser friends you keep seeking approval from that actually just hold you back in life, and swapping them for new friends who inspire you to reach new heights. The more important the thing you give up, the greater your level of commitment will be and the stronger your confidence will grow.

Telling other people about goals we set ourselves inspires them and helps keep us accountable which makes it much more likely that we will succeed. Nothing can have a more powerful supportive effect on your commitment to your transformation than having your buddies also transforming their lives at the same time. So before you give your current buddies the flick and ride off into the sunset, pick at least one friend who you think could benefit from greater confidence and is also open to improving his life. Tell them about what you're doing and encourage him to join you. Compare notes as you go along and be there to support each other when things aren't working out.

Begin telling other men about the goals that you are setting yourself, and about your successes and failures in aiming for those goals. There are no failures in life really, just learning opportunities. Other men can learn from your experience just as you are now learning from mine. Start by making a commitment to being confident, and share what you learn with other people so together we can all get where we want to be in life much more quickly and easily than we can doing it alone.

Author's Bio: 

Graham Stoney is the creator of The Confident Man Project and Author of Confident Man: A Step-by-Step Guide to Building Confidence for Men.