Love is all we need for deep-down wellbeing. Our subconscious mind knows this, and will do anything to get that feeling.

Unfortunately, we often have sabotaging mental programmes too, which prevent us from allowing love into our lives. If we are in a relationship, we unconsciously keep our partner at a distance, either emotionally or physically. If we are single, we will doubtless sabotage any potential relationship.

So, here we have a problem: on the one hand we desperately need that love to feel at peace with ourselves, while on the other hand, we are compelled to push it away. The result is that we are driven to find substitutes for the love we want so much, but cannot allow: examples of these substitutes are comfort-eating or over-eating, shopping, smoking, drinking, taking drugs or other addictive behaviours.

The key to being freed from these addictive behaviours is to make it safe for us to allow that love into our lives.

Why would anyone not allow love into their lives?

The trouble is that we often have a confused understanding of love. While working with my clients I have found mental programmes such as: if I am loved completely I will be weak, lose my freedom, lose my home and security, lose my identity, be in danger or be hurt. In all cases, these clients were unaware that they were unable to allow love completely into their lives. Not only that, but they all exhibited some sort of addictive behaviour which had not responded to therapy.

Are You Blocking Love?

Do this quick exercise to see whether you can allow yourself to be loved completely or not. You may be surprised by the results!

Take a quiet moment and sit with your eyes closed. Breathe gently for a couple of minutes.
Now focus on your life. If you have a partner, focus on your relationship with them, if you are single, imagine your life with a partner.
In your mental picture, let that person love you completely. Imagine your partner making any necessary changes in order to really love you, to be with you and respect you just as you are.
Feel that connection with their heart, and the unconditional love flowing from them into your life.
So, now that you are in that situation of complete love, how do you feel? Do you feel relaxed, peaceful and happy, or is there something more negative there?
Focus on your heart and on your stomach. Do you feel a knot of stress there? Very often people will feel worry, anxiety or fear beginning to surface.
What are your thoughts? Is this the life of your dreams, or are you beginning to be overwhelmed by anxiety and panic?

The Next Step

If you have any anxiety or fear associated with this picture of perfect love, then this is proof that your subconscious is preventing you from being truly loved.

If you want to be freed from your addictions once and for all, your first priority must be to clear the subconscious conflict around love, and make it safe to allow that love into your life.

There are numerous therapies which can achieve this for you, effectively and permanently. This may involve changing mental programmes, clearing past traumas and changing your perspective. Whichever method you choose, the key is to focus on the issue of love, and not the addiction itself.

In my own clients, changing their mental programming around love has resulted in dramatic decreases in comfort eating, drinking, smoking, compulsive shopping and OCD.

Once this conflict is cleared, your deep need for love-substitutes will simply dissolve, and you will find that your addictive behaviours will disappear too.

Author's Bio: 

Dr Anne Whitehouse went from Scientist and University Lecturer to ME sufferer and invalid. Then, despite what the doctors told her, she decided to get better. She is now a speaker, transformational therapist and author of You Are The Alchemist - Transform Your Life. Do you want to be free of the limiting subconscious programmes which are holding you back in life? Find out how to identify, clear your limitations, and make the life you desire a reality at Join Anne online at for self-help tips and discussion.