Learning From Heartbreak

Recently, I was in a relationship with a woman who I thought was everything I wanted in a woman. I was the luckiest person to be able to attract the amazing woman. All my work on myself was actually paying off. She was almost exactly like the description I wrote down for my perfect relationship. When I was with her I could feel my heart expand and the thought of sharing all of the things I loved with her brought me so much joy. For a few months I felt very loved and the world was a much better place. Then in what felt like a flash, it ended.

When it ended I felt sad. I wasn’t going to be able to have all those wondrous feelings anymore and the future that I planned wasn’t going to happen. I experienced a huge sense of loss. I felt I might go into despair. Instead of going into despair, a joyous intention I wrote for myself kicked in.

With great and powerful wisdom I release my expectations, learn from all experiences and with joyously wondrous appreciation go where no man has ever gone before.

That is when I released my expectations. I released the story of the future I created and the betrayal I was feeling. I allowed myself to feel the emotions I was feeling and learn from them.

Lessons learned from this heartbreak:

1. I have a deep capacity to feel love. Why let that part of me go just because she was no longer going to be in my life? If I remember the feeling of being with her and taking her out of the equation, then I am able to feel that feeling again. It wasn’t her that brought the feelings out of me; it was my reaction to her. When I was around her I let go of my resistance to feeling that good. Remembering the situation is the same as feeling the feelings again. I do not need her for that. Then next time I am in a relationship I will be able to build on that feeling.
2. I have more contracts of disappointment to break. I noticed more areas where I create contracts of disappointment. This happened when I created certain situations where she would do something and I would be disappointed. I need to rip those puppies up so I do not bring that baggage to my next relationship. To learn more about this subject read the blog on contracts of disappointment.
3. I have more triggers. Triggers are when pains of the past show up in the present. When triggered, I acted like a little boy who was being abandoned again. Learning those triggers allowed me to work with them and release some of my childhood pain and to use it as a positive. I learned to shine my love through those triggers, so I would feel closer rather than run away.
4. Enjoy the moment. The present is all I have. When I created futures and they didn’t happen it caused suffering. Everything ends; enjoying the present moment allows me to enjoy what happens in reality instead of what happens in story.
5. Be myself. I noticed that when I got to the point of being afraid of losing her, I would act like a different person. I wasn’t as strong and I held back more. Instead of saying what was on my mind, I would act like a role instead of being my authentic self. I tried to recapture the past of the man she fell for instead of just being who I am and letting things go as they may. The relationship may have still ended if I was my authentic self, however, I would have more integrity.

Setting the intention to release expectations and learn from all experiences has changed my life. Certain parts of my life that used to be negative have taught me so much about myself. I have found more ways to live joyously through heartache while not denying the fact that I was feeling pain.