Sound familiar?
“When I buy the new car; I will be happy.”
“I can’t wait to meet the man of my dreams; when I get married I am going to be so happy.”
“I can’t take this anymore; when I lose weight I am going to look awesome!”

The philosophy of BE-DO-HAVE, which some say was first introduced by L. Ron Hubbard on his book Conditions of Existence; refers to the attitude and mind shift that has to occur in order for all of us to enjoy the kind of life we want.

For example, I hear people all the time saying “When I get this job, I will be happy” or ‘When I lose the weight, I will feel good about myself” or ‘When I get married, I will feel complete.” There is a conditional type of happiness, joy or satisfaction because we are creating a situation of contingency. “If {X} happens, I will be {fill in the blank.}” Conversely, the BE-DO-HAVE mentality goes as this: “based what do I want to be, I do the things I need to do, and the result is that I have what I want.” So in other words, in order to be, you have to do, and only then you will have. Aha! Now I get it, the reality is that we go about it the opposite way, I will do what I need to do to have what I want, then I will be…happy, skinny, loved, etc.

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.” ~ Doris Mortman

When applying the Be-Do-Have mindset, you can appreciate that the do’s will support who you are or who you want to be and this is when personal and professional development come to play. You are no longer waiting for someone to do something for you or expecting someone to show up to give you something that you need in order to complete you. Again, any time you relinquish control by expecting that someone or something else will make you happy, you move away from your sense of power and hence, placing you in the victim’s seat and typically victims are not happy. Another example of how this works: “Since I want to be a nurse (the be), I will enroll in school this fall (the do) and then I will enjoy the benefits of the education and a good job (the have.)” Makes sense?

So, as assertive and intentional individuals it is important that we always have a goal in mind. Some objectives at a personal level could be: to lose weight, to take a yoga class, to learn to drive, to balance the checking account, to learn a new hobby, to start a new sport, to make more friends. On the other hand, professional development can include anything from attending a new workshop or seminar, enrolling in college, learning more about a topic that you may need for a promotion, to sign up for a professional networking group, etc. The bottom line is that any or all of these things may contribute to a powerful you. And the reason why I say powerful is because you will have selected the course and the goal that you want to pursue.

“We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have-for their usefulness” ~Thomas Merton.

In short, start by being who you want to be. “Act as if” comes to mind…ultimately, who do you want to be? With that vision on hand, do the things that support that vision. Live according to your values and the result will be one that satisfies you. Then you will have and it will all come together because it is about fully realizing your potential and living intentionally. Creating the path to follow, one that will lead you to feel in charge of your destiny. Every time you receive something, you will see how by being who you really are you don’t have to wait on anything or anyone else. It’s all within reach.

If you are stuck trying to figure out who you are, what you want or where you are heading. If you want more from life, but have a slight feeling you have been going about it backwards. Or if you are ready to discover what else is there…how can you be in order to do and have knowing that you deserve to joy and satisfaction in life; Life Coaching might be for you.

© 2010 Maria Martinez

Author's Bio: 

Maria Martinez is a Professional Life Coach; she works primarily with individuals seeking to identify areas in which they want to increase their level of awareness and take life to the next level. By providing support and accountability, individuals reach higher and greater goals; balance life at work and at home; and enjoy time doing things they most love. ‘Create the life you want; Start within.’

For more information about Maria Martinez and coaching services go or via e-mail: