How To Stop A Divorce From Happening: How To Prevent Divorce From Happening

How To Stop A Divorce From Happening: How To Prevent Divorce From Happening

Marriages may be made in heaven but divorces are definitely made on earth and according to marriage counselors all over the developing and developed world are divorces are more rampant across all age groups and economic status. While this is not the platform for discussing the psycho-social factors which could be triggering this trend, we would talk about tips on how to save the marriage and avoid divorce.

It all starts more or less the same way, across the globe. Familiar phrases for many are: We married for the wrong reasons; I don't seem to understand you anymore; We ought to give each other more space; Making love to you these days is like raping a wall; Why don't we break it to the kids gently, but now; and of course many more depending on individual situation.

While these could be common in many homes these days, it is the precursor for an unhappy ending to an otherwise happy tale. Divorce, however welcome it may be for the partners, carries its due share of pain and tears, no matter how bravely the partners may decide to end their marital bonding, not to speak of the mental trauma it can bring to the children, if any. After all it was that promise "till death do us apart" which rings in your ears. Be that as it may, here are 5 proven formulae which have met with significant degree of success amongst many couples. Incidentally, you could call them, revisiting some of the basic truth behind any relationship:

1. Probe deeper. Find out exactly what is going wrong with the marriage. Do this with an unbiased and open mind. Most people 'think' they know what is going wrong but if you approach your spouse with a fresh and fearless mind and go deeper into all the issues which are upsetting both of you - you would be surprise at the new insight you can get of the situation as well as your spouse, who you thought you knew very well.

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2. Bring back love: Remember the first reason why you both tied the knot was that you loved each other more than anyone else. Most of the time, both the members of the couple forget this fundamental truth about marriage.

3. Improve communication: Again something most people take for granted when it comes to having any meaningful communication with their spouse. You would be surprised at how many hurts linger in the deeper crevices of the mind, when you open up fresh and unrestricted communication. Do this without anyone around or when your spouse is watching his favorite soccer game.

4. Control your negative emotions: Anger, frustration, stress, jealousy are some of the many negative emotions which spoil any trusted relationship. If you want to save your marriage, bring back trust and respect and stop venting out your pent-up feelings all the time. Respecting the individual for whatever she or he is, is the key to a lasting relationship as well as friendship.

5. Eradicate mental images: Either right from the beginning or over a period of time, couples tend to build up mental images of their partners. These images could be idolizing or simply putting the other person on a pedestal. Gradually, with time the images crumble and suddenly you realize that your partner has all the follies which you hated. Have a re-look and touch reality.

Remember no one is perfect and if your partner has more good points than bad points then it gives you all the reason to continue this marriage. Delete all the superlatives while you admire - start treating your partner as another human, who is likely to err. Forgetting and forgiving is not just a godly act but restores a marriage for good.

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Most couples find that their dance around a disagreement seems to have the same steps over and over again. It starts out the same way and often ends the same way with one or both partners feeling hurt, disappointed, discounted or angry.

Sharon and Bill fought a lot about money, children and household chores. The disagreements always began with Sharon's request in what she thought was a friendly tone but Bill heard as a nagging tone. Bill's response was generally a defensive one, complaining about her tone or the fact that she was always nagging him. Bill then often withdrew by leaving the house or turning on the television and Sharon became more angry, often following after him in an attempt to talk about the problem or come up with a solution.

Andy and Sue had a different dance. One of the frequent issues for them was intimacy. Sue was more interested in intimacy and sex than Andy. She would light candles, send text messages, schedule dates, only to find that Andy was not interested, busy, too tired or would say that he just did not feel "in the mood". Sue would then feel hurt and disappointed and then angry.

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If Sharon and Bill and Andy and Sue want to find a way to change this dance, they each have to find ways to recognize their own steps and change them.

For most people, it is hard to recognize your own "mistakes" and find new steps to the dance, and yet, that is the quickest way to resolution. It is much better to find ways to change yourself rather than trying to change another person. When one person changes, others do change in response.

Pay attention to your own last argument with your partner. Can you describe your "dance"? What about your own steps? Do you find that you are trying the same thing over and over again ? Are you getting the same results? It may be time to try something different.

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How can we stop being abusive with our spouse and be assertive instead? It's easy once we learn a few simple communication techniques. When we are frustrated, disappointed, stressed, or angry what happens? We use our emotions in negative ways with our spouse. This causes a chain reaction and they become abusive back. But this kind of interaction between married couples does not resolve anything, but only makes things worse!

The truth is we can control our emotions and the way we express ourselves-we really can! We can grow away from the habit of using our emotions destructively and start using them constructively. I always say that emotions are OK to have as long as couples don't verbally abuse one another with angry words and fist. We have to get our feelings out somehow and so learning to be productive with our feelings is where to start.

Productive Communication During an Argument

1) Listen to what your spouse has to say, even if you disagree! Hold back from interrupting because quite frankly, it is very rude to interrupt people when they are trying to express themselves, even if they are expressing themselves in a negative way.

2) If there is anything ambiguous that your spouse said to you then have them clear it up so you do understand. What's the use in listening if you aren't really hearing?

2) Once they're done talking its now you're turn. Don't fingerprint, blame, or accuse your spouse of any wrong doing, even if you think they are wrong! There is a special way you communicate your feelings without them becoming defensive and denying what you said about them.

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3) Keep an even tone as your speak. Don't sound whiny, squeaky, naggy, or yell and scream at your spouse.

4) Use sentences that start with "I feel", "I wish" and "I think". Don't tell your spouse how they feel and don't tell them what they should do or what they are. How do you know any of those things if you aren't them? Let them tell you how they feel.

5) If you are too angry to talk with an even tone then you need to leave the room. Too much anger will not resolve the issue and will only make it worse.

6) Make sure you know your own feelings before telling your spouse your feelings. What are your needs? What do you need rectified from this argument? What do you want from your spouse? What are you going to do to help rectify the issue at hand?

7) Don't keep your feelings and needs inside. Bottled up feelings cause resentment. Resentment is a marriage destroyer. Resentment will also hurt your spiritual lives tremendously because it keeps us bitter inside and distant from God.

8) Be assertive with how you feel and what you want. Don't be afraid to express your feelings about issues in marriage. This is the number one problem why couples grow apart-it is because they DO grow apart-they don't know one another anymore. If you don't talk with your spouse about how you feel and what you need then how on earth can they oblige themselves to you?

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

9) Realize you may or may not get every need or want met through your spouse. Some needs and wants are not the responsibility of your spouse. Your spouse can't make you 100 percent happy all of the time that is just asking for too much. Find ways that you can make yourself happy through community, hobbies, and serving others-there is always happiness found there.

10) Be sure to do the things you can to encourage, support, and show appreciation of the person you married. Don't hold back your love. Learn to compromise, communicate, and to come up with solutions to the issues that are affecting your marriage.

All of the above communication is being assertive and will improve your marriage immensely. Being assertive with your feelings and needs lets your spouse know the person they married. It allows them to either give in to those needs or at least talk to you about them so you can both come up with an amicable solution. Assertiveness frees you from holding in bottled up emotions and later getting resentful.

Being assertive makes you happy, which in turn makes your spouse happy. Assertiveness is the way to productive communication. This is why I highly recommend that the reader of this article print it out and read it together with their spouse. Remember marriage is a partnership and it takes two to tango.

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The average divorce rate has doubled for couples over the age of 50 over the last few years. Are you worried about your marriage? You can avoid divorce at 50 and save your marriage by not making these 5 mistakes.

1. Communication is very important. It is never too late to learn how to talk to each other. If communication has never been one of the strengths in your marriage, then it is time to start making an effort. Open up about your feelings and do not be afraid to let your spouse know about the issues you are encountering on your side. If you have a hard time communicating, then learn how to communicate effectively. At worse, seek help from someone close or a marriage counselor.

2. Becoming friends is a great way to avoid divorce at 50. Perhaps you did not have as much fun as you wanted to throughout your marriage because you both had jobs or raised children. You should now have more free time and should suggest some fun activities that both of you can do together. Your spouse can become your best friend if you make the effort to spend quality time together.

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3. Your spouse may feel like he/she already know everything about you and will not discover anything else. Prove your spouse wrong by surprising him/her. Adopting a new style, trying a new activity together or even moving to a new area is a great way to escape your daily routine. Keep things interesting by refusing to settle for a routine.

4. You can save a marriage by spending some time apart. Give your spouse some space if he/she express his/her wish to do something alone. You can benefit from doing things that matter to you but do not really interest your spouse like spending time with your friends as well. You should not neglect your own personal development just because you are already married. You will feel a lot happier and have more new things to share with your spouse also.

5. Let your spouse know you appreciate him/her. A small gift, a surprise or a nice word can reassure your spouse that you are still happy with him/her. Make sure he/she is happy too by being attentive to his/her needs.

Discovering the above 5 mistakes and avoiding them will help you avoid divorce at 50 and make your marriage a lot more enjoyable. Keep in mind that to build a long-lasting and happy marriage is only possible if both of you are willing to put in the effort that every successful marriage requires.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.