How To Start A Difficult Conversation With Your Wife: Discover The Secret To Marriage Communication Skills

How To Start A Difficult Conversation With Your Wife: Discover The Secret To Marriage Communication Skills

Communication skills can be improved Learning to communicate effectively will help couples develop a happy relationship. A relationship is a mixture of emotions which include feats of disagreements. Marriage is a work in progress; you will have issues along the way from the small stuff like where to spend you vacation to bigger issues that involve money. When couples communicate effectively, they will develop better relationships.

To avoid conflicts and resolve common marital issues, I recommend use of the following marriage communication skills:

1. Speak not when you are angry. Your heart beats more than 90 beats per minute when you are angry. At this rate, it is difficult to access the logical side of your brain. If you speak a word at this time, you might release bashing words that you would later on regret. You might say things that would hurt your spouse and may cause an irreparable damage to your marriage. Thus, disengage when angry; speak not a word.

2. Choose non-offensive words when communicating. If you want to express a complaint, start your statement with "I" or "We" instead of "You". Say, "I think our investment is a mistake" instead of "You made a mistake in investing our money". Choosing non-offensive words will not elicit defensiveness from your spouse. Even your manner of speaking should be with a soft voice.

Do not criticize your spouse. Do not attack your spouse's character and personality. Do not accuse and blame. Don't be sarcastic. Do not insult your spouse or call him names. Stop non-verbal communications that could trigger anger like eyes rolling in mockery and sneering. Folded arms and a slightly turned back could be construed as disrespect and non-interest in the communication.

Do not be defensive. Always listen and have an open mind in your communication. Your feelings may have been hurt during your communication but you have to face the issues and own your faults. Take responsibility for personal actions. Being defensive will prevent you and your spouse from solving your marital issues amicably and develop a happy relationship.

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3. Inform your spouse of your hurt feelings. Never hide them or be passive about these emotions because if you do, you are creating a monster that can destroy your relationship. Being passive about your feelings will compound your hurts and this can turn into an explosive bomb when you reach your maximum tolerance. Addressing hurt feelings is one of the healthiest activities that a married couple should engage in. Never internalize your hurt feelings or subject your spouse to a silent treatment.

Be open to interact and communicate. A silent treatment will not only enrage your spouse, it will lead to unresolved issues.

However, if you really have reached a point where you feel that you are emotionally drained or overloaded you should tell your spouse about it and ask for a time out or a truce. When at this stage you need time to be alone and to think. This is perfectly alright as long as your spouse is informed and you both have agreed to some time off from each other.

4. Communicate with your ears, eyes, heart and mind. Make sure that you perfectly understand what your spouse is talking about. Listen to the needs and emotions being expressed. Make your spouse feel that you are listening attentively and feeling the emotions being expressed. Validate what you heard and felt by re-phrasing the statements or asking questions.

Master these marriage communication skills so that they become natural to you. These marriage communication skills then become automatic whenever you encounter marital issues. You automatically withdraw them from your system and unconsciously become your tools of engagement even when you are tired, upset, stressed or angry.

Marriage communication skills are one of your best tools to help you develop a healthy marriage life.

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Marriage communication skills are essential for a healthy marriage. One of the most common complaints in struggling relationships is the difficulty a couple has with communication. There is a simple secret that is commonly overlooked.

When couples discuss issues or concerns their focus is typically on the conflict or even more common is focusing on something disguised as the conflict. The disguised conflict often masks an underlying concern that hasn't even been addressed. One or both partners may not even know what the real issue is yet.

Regularly the couple spirals downward and expends energy chasing a conflict that they have in fact just created for the sake of discussion. While this contrived conflict may carry some merit it certainly doesn't warrant the attention it is getting.

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The secret to marriage communication skills is that you may not be as far apart as it may seem. Sometimes when two people get caught up in conflict they lose sight of the fact that they are both seeking the same thing. A joyful, peaceful and loving marriage is the underlying goal.

When a couple actively takes a step back from their conflict, takes a collective deep breath and considers what they agree on they will begin to shift the focus. The more they shift the focus to the positive aspects of the relationship and moving forward the less likely they will remain anchored to their past.

It can be difficult at first to make this shift and you may need some help moving in that direction. It has taken both of your efforts to get here. One person taking the initiative to make positive changes can make the difference in a marriage. With the proper assistance you will be on your way to improving your marriage communication skills.

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If this article has caught your eye, then perhaps you're in the midst of saving your marriage. Who knows? You might also have tried doing many things to save your marriage but they didn't work for you.

The truth is, it takes more than just doing the right things to make your marriage work. It's also avoiding the bad so that your spouse does not drift away from you. Below are 4 things you could be doing wrong to save your marriage. See if you're guilty of any of them.

Using Guilt on Your Spouse

The first step to saving your marriage is to stop using guilt on your spouse. Though it's commonly used, it never works because using guilt is emotional blackmail.

A good example is threatening to commit suicide if you two divorce and saying to your spouse that he/she will regret it for the rest of his/her life. Or what about saying that the kids will grow up dysfunctional because their father/mother walked out on them? Either way, using guilt encourages divorce because you seem like a lunatic who's problematic to live with.

Pressurizing Your Spouse

The most common form of pressurizing your spouse is by begging him/her not to leave you. So if you're already thinking about going down on your knees and wailing to beg your spouse, don't. Begging is also emotional blackmail and doesn't help you in saving your marriage.

Another form of pressure would be forcing your spouse to go for marriage counselling with you. Though counselling is important, you can always use logical reasoning like saying "Darling, we've invested our entire lives in each other. Isn't our sacrifice for one another worth a few hours of counselling to save our marriage?" That will definitely be more effective when compared to emotional blackmailing.

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Saying Sorry to Your Spouse All The Time

Yes, and I do mean all the time, even when it's not your fault.

Don't get me wrong here. Apologizing for mistakes you made is alright, but the problem I'm addressing here is when you start apologizing for things you didn't even do.

That makes you look really desperate, which is not attractive. Most of all, it doesn't help you in saving your marriage.

Instead, accept your responsibility for 50% of your marriage problems and acknowledge that you have some issues you need to work out together with your spouse. A marriage takes two hands to clap, so don't take more than your fair share of the blame.

Waiting and Hoping That Things Will Turn Out Well

This is probably the biggest mistake you can make to salvage your marriage. Fortunately, it's also the easiest to solve.

It's human nature to just "wait and see", and hope things will turn out well. But that never works and don't think for one second it'll help to save your marriage.

Marital problems don't solve on their own, so you need to take concrete action right now and apply what you have learnt in this article.

Remember, saving your marriage takes more than just doing the right things. It's also not doing the wrong things. Start by not using guilt and pressurizing your spouse, and don't keep apologizing in the hopes of getting your spouse closer to you. Finally, take massive action. These tips alone will go a long way in saving your marriage.

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Every married couple aspires to lead a harmonious and peaceful life for the most part of their life if only possible. But this is not always the case as conflicts occur every now and then. If you and your spouse, however, are committed to keeping your relationship throughout your lifetime, you will find ways to achieve what you want to happen in your life.

You have a choice and a better choice is to put value in your relationship instead of yourself. Marriage is about two people becoming one so if you have an attitude of always wanting to prove you're right, you need to change that. Prioritizing yourself and your own ego will only cause insecurities in your marriage. If one feels superior, the other is bound to feel insecure and this often leads to conflicts. On the other hand if you know how to think of others and most especially your partner, you will strive hard to better your relationship for the long term.

The feeling of being one with your spouse should not be overpowered by your own ego. This is what one of the secrets of a successful marriage. What this means is you share the love, happiness and even sadness with your partner in life. Isn't it that when you got married, you vowed to stick it out through the good times and bad? So if you continue with this kind of attitude, you allow yourself to understand and love your spouse on a deeper level.

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When you know how to sympathize with your other half, you eliminate the feeling of superiority and inferiority. In addition, you prevent other negative feelings such as jealousy and pride. As long as there is that instinct in you not to hurt people, you will learn to nurture your marriage. When conflicts do happen, being sympathetic will enable you to find solutions better than engaging in a heated argument.

Sometimes, it can't be avoided that feelings of insecurity will arise when you're facing problems. But the best thing you can do is to fight it out and rather than entertain your negative feeling, focus on the positive side of things. Keep in mind that when you're insecure, you will have the tendency to become critical of other people's behavior. This is often a person's way of making himself or herself feel better amidst a tensed situation. And the danger is this can lead you to put the blame on your partner when you have conflicts.

Discussing your issues is a better way of resolving problems. It's always a good thing to talk things out in a peaceful manner. Sometimes, it is better for one of you to just listen to what the other has to say. Don't be tempted to bring out the past problems because they're not necessary. They would only cause feelings of guilt and inferiority which you should avoid at all costs. Focusing on the positive should be your priority so that you can settle your issues the earliest time possible.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.