How to relieve this hyperactivity

Hyperactivity in children is the way in which this child - the hyperactive child - is trying to show something to his parents.

In these cases the first question I would ask is: “What is this child trying to express with his or her hyperactivity? The need for so much movement?

So, my question would be for the parents, but worded in the opposite way to the observation:

What is the life-or-death stress in your family that has to do with immobility? Was someone perhaps found dead? Or perhaps somebody - even a child - was found dead or wasn’t moving at all? Whether a child died in its mother’s womb and was discovered not to be moving, we need to keep probing.

Hyperactivity in children is the way in which this child - the hyperactive child - is trying to show his parents that he or she is alive and well. He or she is trying to reassure the parents that they can stop worrying or grieving because they are not immobile or dead. They try to prove this constantly by moving as much as they can: To prove that they are OK.

To illustrate what has been said so far, here’s an example:

A mother has been carrying a child for a few months and is looking forward to feeling her baby moving in her womb - a sign that this baby is healthy and alive. But there has been no movement yet, so the mother starts to worry. Her concern is: My baby is not moving yet, and I hope beyond hope that he is fine and alive.

Days go by and no movement shows itself. The mother expresses her concern to friends and family and someone remarks that she should check this out. The baby could possibly be in need of help or worse still, dead in the womb. Someone may have also told her that when she carried her child he had already moved in the womb by this stage.

By this time, the mother is very distressed and terrified that her child could be dead in her womb. All this information is present in the pregnant mother and is also shared by the baby who was remaining so still in the womb. The mother makes an appointment with the doctor and, much to her relief, she finds that the baby is healthy and very much alive: he or she is just not moving yet.

With hyperactivity in children the message is clear; the child is trying to reassure and tell the parents that he or she is alive. The way they express this is: “Look mother I am moving so you see that I am alive... And they move an exaggerated amount to ‘prove’ that they are healthy because the amount of very slight (or even absent) movement before was insufficient and caused the mother anguish and worry.

Another possibility that may cause hyperactivity in children is this: The child’s earlier sibling died either in the womb or at a very young age. Perhaps the baby was found dead following a crib death and one of the first observations by the mother was the immobility.

During the next pregnancy, the baby might try to reassure the mother by showing behaviour consistent with hyperactivity in children. Moving so much ‘should’ show the mother that he is alive and stop her worrying.

How to relieve this hyperactivity?

To relieve this hyperactivity, we need to see if there’s a story - perhaps ‘hidden’ or at least not publicly talked about. The solution is to relieve or debrief that stress by working through the story and explaining it very clearly, often multiple times, both to the parent and to the child.

Everyone is unique and their life story may be different and so hyperactivity in children may find its roots in different ways. This is why it’s important to seek help from a counsellor who is an expert in this field: Only by finding the correct story will relief be obtained. This is the best - and sometimes only - way to relieve hyperactivity in children.

Here’s an exercise to help relieve hyperactivity for a child who died in its mother’s womb.

First: I suggest to debrief the child that the mother was very distressed and terrified that her child could be dead in her womb.
Second: You need the thank the child for expressing his mother's fear that he could be dead in her womb and was discovered not to be moving.
Third: Tell him that this fear doesn’t belong to him, it belongs to his mother and he doesn’t need to express it any longer because he is alive.
Fourth: I suggest to play a game with the child. The game is to ask him not to move at all for 30 seconds. You can use a clock as a timer. When 30 seconds are up, just let him know that he is still alive after being still a little while.

Repeat to him that this fear does not belong to him any longer, it belongs to his mother and he doesn’t need to express it any longer because he is alive.

This simple exercise should be enough to relieve hyperactivity.