Many people believe that all that you need to succeed in life is to work hard, do what people tell you, and be nice. Unfortunately that is not all you need. It helps, but many people seem to hear the word no often for jobs, promotions, and relationships. They are usually nice hard-working people, but they just don't get ahead and it is frustrating and heartbreaking.

Being nice helps people like you, but it does not necessarily mean that people will want to befriend you, be your lover, or have confidence that you will get the job done. Many people want more than niceness when they are looking for people to associate with. People want to feel important. There are ways to do this without becoming arrogant. One way is to look attentive and listen. Look them straight in the eye but look confident and relaxed at the same time. If you have a similar interest, talk to them about it. When you talk strike an even balance between sharing what you know and listening to them. When you do this they will feel that they have met someone who is as smart as they are and it makes them feel intelligent.

Unfortunately there are consequences to being nice without treating the other as important. If you don't help them they will find a way to make themselves feel important at your cost. This can take the form of avoiding you and saying they're nice but I am just not comfortable with that person. At its worst you will be the one that gets ridiculed and bullied because that gives certain people the satisfaction of feeling better than you.

It is important to look confident and seem that you know what you are doing. People feel confident and important when they are with someone who is confident. Being confident includes expressing your opinion even if the other disagrees. People get bored with someone who is always agreeable. There is a popular expression "Spirited Debate" where people have a debate about an issue and enjoy the banter.

I do not mean to imply that people are selfish and just want to have their egos stroked. However, this is a big part of having success with people and the world. People who are more nurturing tend to seek others who seem needy, and people who have no tact tend to go to nice people who will tolerate them. However, if you have confidence and be yourself you will fare well in the relationship and business world.

If you are a nice hard working person who seems to never get ahead. This article will give you tools to apply to your work and relationships. It is a realistic look at the skills needed to navigate your way through the business and relationship world.

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Author's Bio: 

Frank Healy is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Life Coach. He is one of about 50 people who have been classified as having Hyperthymesia by the University of California. Frank participated in their reserch studies because he remembers every day of his life since he was six years old. He is now 53. His memory of each day includes the day of the week, the weather in his locale, news events and personal experiences. Recalling so much in his life had it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantages include recall of every happy experience he had with friends, family, school, and his wife. The corollary of that is that he remembers all of the negative things. Bad days at work and school, slights from people, bad days at jobs, romantic breakups etc. Before he began his own journey he would recall bad memories with the same emotional intensity as if he was experiencing it now. He had learn to let go of the feelings. He now counsels and coaches people to heal from the ill affects of their own traumatic and unpleasant memories. This can help people be happier and move on to a successful present and future.

Frank lives with his wife in Dennisville, New Jersey. He is in private practice at Associates For Life Enhancement in Northfield, New Jersey. Frank enjoys going to the beach, reading, writing, playing quizzo with friends (It's a trivia game) and playing ball wth his grandsons.