One of the major issues in relationships that attempt to mend and stay together after infidelity has been discovered is the lack of not knowing whether what you are seeing, and hearing is genuine and real.

Your affair partner may say that they are sorry but provide you with simplistic and unsubstantial reasons as to why the affair happened in the first place, or they may try to imitate that they care for you but have no actions that back their words.

In this article, we will take a look at signs of remorse after infidelity, so that you can know whether or not they are truly sorry for what they have done.

1. Look For the Development of Empathy. While it is easier for women to express and engage in empathy, it is a skill that you can develop over time with practice. You will know if your partner is working on empathy because they will ask you about how you are feeling, show you that they are interested in hearing why you are feeling a certain way, and are choosing to understand your feelings forthright.

2. Is There a Willingness to Argue in a Productive Manner? Regardless of whether you were the type of couple to not argue at all, after infidelity, it’s going to be difficult not to. However, the upside to this is that arguments can evolve into a deep intimacy if done in the right way. If your partner is willing to listen to your side of the argument without nitpicking, deflecting, or interrupting, it is likely that they are willing to work with you on the issue at hand. This is incredibly important for moving forward after infidelity because it means that he or she truly wants to understand and hear you out.

3. Do They Show You That They Care For You? Sorry means absolutely nothing to the individual who has their entire world shaken. Why? The affair partner’s words mean nothing because the faithful spouse is not able to trust. If he chooses to spend time with you on tasks that don’t bring him joy but do you or chooses to finally engage in tasks that you need to be done without asking, he is trying to show that he cares.

4. Do They Commit to Total Honesty? Sharing the absolute truth is difficult for both partners. But in order to move forward, the affair partner needs to be completely truthful in all answers that they provide. Without this, there will be no moving forward.

5. Will They Seek Counselling? If the cheating partner is willing to seek counseling without being asked to, is someone who is exemplifying remorse. Seeking out help shows the other individual that the affair partner is willing to exert time, effort, and energy into rebuilding the relationship from the ground up.

6. Do They Take Initiative on Their Own? Do they read through the self-help books? Do they book their own therapy appointments? Do they come to you and ask you what you need? If they do these things on their own without needing you to beg them or drag them by their ear, then they have remorse.

Components of What Remorse Looks Like

  • Your affair partner will apologize as needed and provide reassurance for as long as you need in order to achieve forgiveness.
  • Your affair partner will always keep apologies to the given situation.
  • Your affair partner’s response should be with respect to the consequences of their mistakes and not in reaction to your anger or sadness.
  • They will accept that “sorry” does not cut it and you need substantial expressions.
  • They will never be dismissive towards you.
  • They will take responsibility and not become defensive.
  • They will acknowledge your experience and emotions.

It is very important to give it time, as having remorse may be trumped by guilt or shame. In so long as your partner is making you feel respected, validated, and acknowledged, try to see it through.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith specializes in providing her readers with tools and resources to help them overcome the pain and uncertainty when one partner cheats. Don't let an affair end the most important relationship you have ever had. Get the help you need by to feel secure again. Visit: