How To Fix A Broken Marriage After Cheating: How To Fix A Marriage After Infidelity

How To Fix A Broken Marriage After Cheating: How To Fix A Marriage After Infidelity

When unfaithfulness happens to a marriage it can truly prove to be a devastating thing. But if two people genuinely care for each other they can hold on to each other. They can make the effort from the heart to try and make things work again.

How to save a marriage after an affair if you truly do care is very possible. However, it is not going to be an easy, because adultery does very serious damage to the foundation of a marriage and creates lots of mistrust, bitterness, pain, in its wake.

If you definitely want to save your marriage and so does your husband or wife after an affair has taken place. Both of you that have to work towards a common ground and apply a real solution to getting things back on track as they once were before.

You Can Save The Marriage!

The ugliness of the truth of one partner cheating on the other is terrible news for the other partner in the marriage to find out. It is even worse a thing for the other partner who is innocent to have to confront personally and deal with in their lives. This is because he or she didn't ask for him or her to commit a sin such as adultery in the marriage.

It was something that was done at the hand of the other guilty party who had the affair. This is what can make reconciliation something very difficult to actually take place. Nonetheless, it is a possibility, if true effort is applied to the situation from the very beginning.

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There Must Be An Apology

It is a crucial thing for the one who had the affair, to apologize from the heart to the other. This is especially true if the guilty does still love his or her spouse from that very same heart. You also have to fully realize what you did was very wrong and to fully express your wrong in a genuine way. How to save a marriage after an affair involves making lots of sincere effort to show you care. Your spouse needs to know and understand that you are indeed truly sorry. They also need to know you mean it from the heart too.

The "hows" to save your marriage after an affair

If you truly do care.

It all begins with laying a foundation for forgiveness and a whole new start with your spouse. If he or she can tell you are honest about wanting to turn things around to make it right, he or she will also be able to recognize it in your attitude, approach, and most importantly in your efforts themselves. Never try to minimize what you did for one second. Not even if you had a valid reason for having the affair. Cheating is still very wrong and not something that can simply be justified by this and that. It is truly a ruination of marriage and something that can break up two people for good. It is a wrong that can be righted if only two people are willing to work towards it together in a united front.

Get At the Root of the Issue Fast

Pretending the affair never happened is not the way to go either. It is best to face the problem for what the problem is and go from there. Living in denial is not an escape. It is just a means of putting things off and refusing to face them for another day. The only problem is that you still have the same problem there tomorrow.

Try to correct any bad behaviors that led up to the affair and be determined not to re-visit there ever again. Let the truth come out about the affair with lots of honesty and open heart. This is the way to go and the way to stay married.

Never Give Up

How to save your marriage after an affair if you truly do care is to never give up on setting things straight. Try to rebuild the bridge of trust again that once existed with your spouse and do it day by day. It is not something that will happen overnight. Nonetheless, it can take place, and it will so long as the love is there and remains. So, most importantly, continue to love the person you love and make them know that every day in abundance too.

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When people get married, they make a commitment that is supposed to take them through the rest of their lives. Couples promise to remain true through good times and bad. When the bad inevitably comes (and it will), way too often couples find it tough to cope and become unhappy, if not despondent.

Find the Good in the Bad

Bad times can take place in some marriages seemingly far more often than good times - at least they can feel that way. Couples who face hard times in unity will find strength to deal with whatever they are facing. Overcoming a difficulty together does wonders to build on a relationship. Frequently, the event is something both are later able to laugh at.

So whenever something unexpected comes up, treat it as a challenge that can be solved together. Teamwork on any given problem can strengthen the bonds of marriage. In fact, not "can" strengthen it, but will.

Talking the Talk

Some men cringe at the thought of deep conversations, possibly fearing the loss of their "man card." Ok, not really, but it requires an emotional effort many guys simply don't want to wade into. Nevertheless, the ability to communicate is essential to keeping a marriage happy. Each partner needs to be able to express any feelings, concerns or thoughts to their spouse. The other person correspondingly needs to listen and be willing to share likewise.

Talking helps partners reconnect to each other. The conversation can be as simple as asking how the day was, but talking needs to happen. When spouses don't verbally communicate, it can feel like living with a stranger or a roommate whom they simply don't know.

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Sharing Time

When life is filled with schedules, children and unending items on the limitless to-do-list, couples lose time with each other. The hours in the day never seem to be enough, often resulting in feelings of guilt.

It is critical for couples who want to maintain the specialness of their marriage to work in both quality AND quantity time together. Date nights may lack some of the spontaneity of old times, but they allow the couple an opportunity share intentional time together. Even just going for a walk together and holding hands can help stir embers that through busy schedules or other life pressures have doused the flames.

Time is limited in any busy household, but it doesn't take much time to do something small and special for each other. Bring home flowers, a note, a bottle of wine, a favorite desert (unless he/she is dieting), or something else small that is meaningful to your beloved. The action doesn't need to be elaborate, just sincere.

Marriage can be filled with stresses and personal problems that make it hard to remember the happier moments. Maintaining a great attitude and a foundational commitment to work through ANYTHING will help couples get through rough stretches and restore happiness - together.

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AT around our tenth wedding anniversary, we had a realisation.

The realisation we had was this: despite all the quality marriage counselling we had received from our wonderfully gifted and skilled marriage counsellor early on, we were, at that time, still not enjoying satisfaction.

We now knew the principles, but now we had to apply them. Knowledge of principles provides no satisfaction, only application provides satisfaction.

The year our marriage grew coincided with application. Instead of believing in concepts and talking about them, we decided to commit to working the concepts out in our marriage. This inevitably meant adapting the marital wisdom we had learned so it worked for our unique coupling, for our inimitable family structure.

We had had twenty counselling sessions, and I think our counsellor was at pains to say, 'Go and do what we've been talking about; what I've been showing you'... initially it even got worse. It had nothing to do with the standard of our counsel - it was like growing pains in our marriage. Things tend to get worse before they get better.

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Inevitably, we as partners had to learn to commit to each other in ways we had never thought we would need to. Our covenant to each other was solid, but we now had to commit to love this other person in ways that worked for them, not simply ourselves. Without even recognising it at the time, we began to accept each other like we had never done before. That is true love: unconditional acceptance at the deepest level. And it takes time.

The year our marriage grew was Year 4. Indeed, the previous three simply proved our commitment to each other. We hadn't torn each other apart. But there were some horrible experiences. Whilst those first three years were unbelievably tough, they set us up as we pressed on into the hard work required in finding our way into the space of marital peace (which is punctuated with conflict that is managed well in the main).

My wife and I are believers in marriage; that marriage is not only wonderful but hard work. We believe, as we experienced, that counselling works; but not only that, there's a limit to what counselling can do. I say that as someone who gives marital counsel.

It must be applied. There needs to be a time where a couple weighs anchor and begins the work of reconciling the problems on the high seas of their marriage. It can take years, but don't be despondent. You learn to survive when it's just you and your spouse. Sure, we all need tune-ups, prayer and support, but others' help is limited.

This is what we learned: marriage seems best when the foibles of one are acceptable to the other. What seems like an easy concept can demand years of work to arrive at.

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Every couple who enters into the marriage covenant desire to have a peaceful, blissful, long lasting marriage that will stand the test of time. Unfortunately, this dream is not always achieved in many marriages across the world. Many factors are to blame for marital disharmony among couples in marriage and six of them are as follows:

1) Lack of Commitment: Marriage is based on the exchange of marital vows which are binding on the partners and require utmost commitment. The couple can only be committed to each other for as long as they can remain committed to God and His word which contain the guidelines on marriage. To be committed to God is to fear Him and be ready to obey His word in totality. A partner who is not committed to God can not remain committed to his/her spouse and can not love his/her spouse. The desire to commit to each other enhances proper cleavage between the two. No real cleaving can occur without commitment to each other by the partners.

2) Third Parties: A faster way to hasten the death of a marriage is to allow third parties to meddle in its affairs. No third party has the right to meddle in a marriage except the partners in the marriage allow it and that invitation will indicate immaturity and irresponsibility. Allowing third party interference is clear evidence that cleaving has not occurred as stated in Genesis 2:24.

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3) Busyness: Being too busy with jobs and money making activities and careers without having time to attend to the emotional needs of the spouse. Though love is not enough because love will not put food on the table, it is very necessary to make money as well as to make a marriage. Make a marriage by creating time for companionship with the spouse. The wife needs not only the money, but the man as well.

4) Ineffective Communication: This manifests through displays of anger, abusive words, negative criticisms, blaming and accusing each other which are acts that have never produced anything better than a crashed marriage. No partner is guiltless in a marriage. Effective communication requires making out time to talk each day, sharing views on issues and life in general and expressing feelings for each other. It involves sharing emotions: fears, joys, frustrations, disappointments and challenges.

It requires being each other's best friend, being a listening partner, hiding nothing from each other.

5) Uncommunicated expectations: A partner should express his/her expectations in clear and unambiguous language. There should be no assumptions. It is a symptom of an ineffective communication system.

6) Poor Sexual Intimacy: Too frequent sexual deprivations or dissatisfaction is a sure route to marital collapse. The sexual act goes beyond mere penetration and is an art that couples must learn and develop for mutual benefits. A basic knowledge of foreplay, coitus, orgasm and after play is very necessary.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.