How to Find Your Soulmate

Movies make finding your soul mate seem so easy, don’t they? The handsome main character looks across a crowded room, into the eyes of a beautiful stranger, and without words, they know they are meant to be together. Movies are images. They are someone elses’ creations. They aren’t reflections of our world, right? Wrong! Our world is our creation. It is our collection of images, and we have the power to create and interpret. So, when looking for your soulmate, why not search for the most creative, passionate, loving partner we can?

Whether or not you believe in soulmates, we all want to find a partner with whom we share deep feelings of affinity, intimacy and understanding. So, how do you find your soulmate? We have included five steps that will prepare you, so that when you do meet the one, you’ll be ready.

Know Yourself

For anyone who has ever felt they “lost part of themselves” in a relationship this is a vital first step. This doesn’t mean know your habits, allowing you to push someone away if they aren’t willing to watch all seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with you. Habits change and grow with a partner. Knowing yourself means knowing the core you and recognizing what amazing gifts you bring to this world.

Everyone has different gifts; write down a list of yours. Maybe you are politically savvy, or you feel alive when you paint. Perhaps you love to be the center of attention. Some of these may seem like weaknesses, as you write. Find value in each. An example would be, “I’m overly self-critical.” The positive in this would be, “I’m driven by self-improvement and mastery.” Write your strengths down and begin to own them.

Here is the juicy tip: You want a partner who recognizes or at least gives you room to champion the gifts you have to offer. It sounds simple, but how many people out there have had to hide themselves from fear of outshining or even boring their partner? For pop music lovers, remember the pains during Beyonce’s song, Why Don’t You Love Me, about a women with gifts that go unrecognized and unappreciated by her partner. Ditching your true gifts for love’s sake isn’t true love.

There is someone out there who will love you for your gifts when you are ready to truly step into them, so lace up!

Know What You Want Out of a Partner

How many should-have-been one-date wonders turned into year-long endeavors because people don’t take the time to figure out what they are looking for? Millions? To avoid staying with Mr. Nice, or Ms. Great instead of Oh-My-Gosh-They-Made-You-Just-for-Me, start to get to know your ideal partner. Make a list. Include all the qualities you need to have in a partner. Include the qualities you would like. Then make a list of all the qualities you couldn’t tolerate. Get clear on what you are looking for. Be specific.
Keep this list visible in your life, but allow it to change. Stay true to your core needs. Remember, this list is not to be used as a defense mechanism. Use it as the seed to manifest your dreams.

Know the Kind of Partner You Want to Be

If you love who you become in relationships, move directly to the fourth tip. For the other 90% of us with relationship issues, this step is crucial. Many of us seem to have it all together on the outside, and for the most part we do, but when we get in relationships, we turn into Wolverine. If this sounds like you, spend time contemplating what kind of partner you want to be. Write it all down. If you find any obstacles or emotional blocks to being your best self, clear them out.

Clearing obstacles can be done by setting daily intention, doing therapeutic release exercises (like journaling), or even speaking with a therapist. Once you have found your soulmate, continue this exercise by asking yourself how you can allow your partnership to be as amazing as you envision? If you want a healthy relationship, but you have never had one to be inspired by, allow this to be a process and seek help when you need it. Post questions or comments in our forum for guidance.

Understand Emptiness

In Buddhist philosophy, the concept of emptiness is supreme and originates from the Heart Sutra. It is a valuable philosophical tool for releasing expectations and stagnation in relationships. The Buddhist supreme mantra of emptiness is, “form is emptiness; emptiness is form.” To explain this more clearly, lets turn to Kenchen Thrangu Rinpoche in Essentials of Mahamudra

“When you dream of an elephant, does an elephant appear to your mind? Indeed it appears very clearly. Is there an elephant there? No. This appearance of an elephant in your dream is a union of appearance and emptiness. It appears, yet it does not exist--yet it appears. It is the same with all external phenomena. If we understand the example of the appearance of something in a dream, it is easier to understand how the mind appears yet does not exist, and does not exist yet appears.

Love, anger, fear, and confusion are all examples of emptiness. They exist inside of us as emotions because we give power to them. People and situations don’t cause or create our emotions. Our emotions resonate from the inside. Understanding emptiness allows you to let go of emotions that do not serve you and choose Love. So the next time you are annoyed because the dishes aren’t done, express yourself the way you believe grievances should be expressed, then choose to re-see your partner as your soulmate. Emptiness allows you to work through annoyances to see that your partner as the fabulous, divine being you manifested.

Emptiness also allows you to let go of expectations. A partner is not meant to make your life full or complete. You make your life full and complete simply by believing and acting complete. Partners are also not a scapegoat for your problems, and they are not static in their personalities or roles. Allow growth by clearing expectations and perceptions.

Understanding emptiness allows room to embody stability and peace, because you are not the crazily spinning wheel of insecurities and emotions that bounces around in your mind. You are the center of the wheel, where the spinning stops and emptiness and love are infinite.

Create Your Dream & Sustain It

These tips should be revisited often, even once you find your soulmate. If you are feeling insecure, start again at Know Yourself and work your way back down. If you feel passive-aggressive or fearful in your relationship, work on releasing obstacles in Know the Partner You Want to Be and Understanding Emptiness.

The creation of an ideal partner and of removing obstacles is continual. How do you find your soulmate? Create your dream. Remove your obstacles. Understand emptiness. Keep working. We promise that they are out there. Be ready for surprises, and when they come along, don’t be afraid. Let love hang out there, no matter what comes back to you.