How to Deal with an Angry Spouse?

No one truly likes to become angry, but it is an emotion that occurs all too often in marriages and indeed in most aspects of life. This emotion is similar to a fire. When one person gets angry, the effects of that anger soon spread to others. For the person who is the subject of the anger, they experience varying degrees of reactions towards the person venting their emotions. This ranges from frustration, vengeance and animosity in an attempt to redress, in their opinion, an unjust accusation or emotion.

However, it is important to remember that anger is an emotion that is inherently uncontrollable and is borne out of ego. The only predictable outcome of anger is that if one seeks to inflame the anger by retaliating, the situation will only escalate.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan,has stated:

“Not allowing discord even for a minute, that is true husband. Just as the relation with a friend we do not let ruined, one should be equally careful with the wife. Our friendship with a friend will end if we do not protect it”.

Thus, your fundamental intent must be when your wife or spouse becomes angry try to look for solutions in order to remedy the situation. Try to diffuse the anger so that you can bring back peace into both of your lives.

Points to remember before you react to your spouse:

●Maintain the inner intent to bring peace to the relationship and your love for each other.
●Anger and speech fundamentally are uncontrollable and ego led – too often things are said in the heat of the moment that are deeply regretted later.
●Remember there is always an underlying cause for the anger – it could be an unmet expectation or too often, anger at themselves.
●Usually, the anger is vented on the closest person whom one loves.
●The anger could be an indication of stress, a feeling of powerlessness.
●Anger is an emotion which is transitory and will pass: it is a sign of weakness not of strength.

Proven effective strategies for dealing with anger include:

●Try to remain silent.
●Give him or her space.
●Show humanity and compassion rather than feeling resentment.
●Try to see the situation from their perspective.
●Keep maintaining from within an intent to see how you can bring an amicable resolution.
●Accept the mistake if it is directed at you as it will ease the tension.
●Above all, do not retaliate especially if your spouse is looking to pull you into a fight.

Proven effective strategies to prevent further anger episodes:

●Open communication is the key, try to discuss most things.
●Have no expectation from each other.
●Try to prevent creating a divide by saying this is ‘yours’ and this is ‘mine’. Change the language in the household by replacing it with ‘ours’.

Spiritual insights that will help you deal with an angry spouse. These are the most important and effective.

●Any form of conflict between husband and wife can be dealt with the right understanding.
●Always maintain an inner intent not hurt no living being by thought, deed or speech.
●It is easy to get angry but the person who overcomes anger is the true hero – anger is a weakness.
●Fundamentally anger stems from ego and the conflict is a consequence of the karmas – and conflict in your past life.
●The consequences of responding to anger with anger only leads to conflict. This sows negative karma for your next life where you will have to undergo exactly the same conflict – but more intensely. And so, the cycle goes on.
●Like pride, deceit and greed, anger is an emotion that stems from your ego and the only way to eradicate this is to realize who you really are a Pure Soul as opposed to your body and ego.

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