How to Become Present in Your Life

How to Become Present in Your Life

A couple of years ago, while maneuvering my car out of an underground parking lot, I badly misjudged the distance between the sedan and the exit. Suddenly there was an unpleasant scrunch, the sound of the passenger-side mirror being sheared off and left dangling by its wires. The fact that the car was leased only added to my distress.
That night I called a dear friend about the mishap. He listened quietly not cutting in, allowing me the space I needed to relay my tale of woe and feel that I was truly being heard. When I was finished speaking, he asked one key question: “When that happened today, were you present?”

I paused to contemplate my response.

Yes, my body was in the car, my brain knew how to handle the driving and my kinesthetic awareness enabled me to work the radio while making a left turn. Yet, in the innermost part of myself – the mindful awareness that kept me centered in the moment – the answer was quite otherwise. Having just picked up a paycheck and being headed for the bank, I was off somewhere in the future, thinking about what bill to pay first.

Nope, I had to admit, I most definitely was not present at the time of that tummy-turning scrunch. I could have chosen to be present instead.

A Matter of Choice

Becoming anchored in the now and staying fully present to whatever life puts in front of us, no matter how many balls we are juggling, is actually a choice. Choosing to be present can seem pretty scary at first. There is no zoning out, no drifting into the past or fantasizing about the future. We learn to observe things in a pure and undramatized way that’s free of the stories we tell ourselves about what appears to be going on.

Pure observing empowers us to respond appropriately to whatever is taking place. Had I been observing purely in that underground parking lot, I would have stopped my car, gotten out and checked the space between it and the exit before proceeding. Since then I have saved myself a ton of grief by doing precisely that in tight parking situations.

The Total Picture: 24/7

Becoming present includes being available wholeheartedly and compassionately to whatever arises within us in the form of thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. Nothing gets shoved under the rug and ignored. It’s possible to achieve this state of awareness 24/7, even when the countless distractions, tasks and pressures bombarding us from morning to night threaten to sabotage our best intentions to see clearly what each moment is telling us.

Where Have You Gone?

The smart phone is a marvel of technology that “puts the world in the palm of your hand,” as a friend likes to say. But where in the world are we when talking and texting at mealtimes? Doing this has grown so habitual that we often don’t notice the flavors of the food or the conversation of companions sitting right beside us.

When running late for work with the kids still to be dropped off at school, your fuse is likely to be short, especially if you’ve had to skip breakfast. Instead of wearing off, that tension is likely to invade your day, making you irritable and your encounters with co-workers and others less than pleasant. It may turn out that the old adage, “stop and smell the roses,” is exactly what you need to do, even when you barely have the time to grab another latte.

Mechanisms of Awareness

Here are three simple mechanisms of awareness that you can switch on throughout the day to yield immense benefits on the path to becoming fully present in your life.

#1. Looking Up

Select an object to serve as an anchoring point in the present. This could be a vase of flowers, a plant, a photo of a loved one or the view out the window, whatever will bring you back to the moment. Whenever you are stressed and distracted or deep into multitasking, periodically look up at your anchoring point. For a few moments allow it to quiet your mind and expand your heart. Take the mind/heart feelings along as you go back to work. You may want to set your watch or cell phone to beep you periodically as a reminder to pause and look up.

#2. Stop Before You Pop

Here is a somewhat more challenging technique that takes some practice. When your day doesn’t go according to plan and you’re about to boil over from frustration or even rage, stop and observe what you are feeling and where in your body you are feeling it. Is your jaw clenched? Your neck in a steel trap? Is your breath shallow and constricted? Are you holding your breath? The simple act of noticing and being present in your body will help center you in the moment and give you space in which to simmer down.
If you forget to observe the physical sensations when the going gets tough, just forgive yourself and move on. Life will provide plenty of new opportunities for practice.

#3. Breathing the Present

The most powerful way to stay present – and one of the key methods in learning how to meditate – is to stay focused on the breath as it comes in and goes out.

This poem by the renowned Vietnamese monk, poet and Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh (pronounced Tik’ nyat hawn) from his book, Being Peace, offers this simple yet profound poem as an exercise:

“Breathing in, I calm my body
Breathing out, I smile,
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment.”

The idea of calling a moment “wonderful” in the midst of immense stress or distraction may sound odd. Breathing in to first feel deep calm and breathing out with a smile that uplifts your spirit can enable you to discover how truly wonderful the moment is and how totally present you are in that moment.

By switching on the above mechanisms of awareness as often as possible, no matter what the circumstances, you will become increasingly present in your life. In the process you will experience greater happiness, peace, and balance – qualities that have a miraculous way of rippling out to be felt by everyone around you.