How Narcissistic Tendencies in Others Allow Us to Grow

When we understand narcissistic tendencies, we see how living through a False Self is a recipe for discontentment, anxiety and disappointment. Narcissistic tendencies such as needing approval, status and significance from ‘outside of self’ create a painful life. Rather than establishing being ‘full and content’, happiness is precariously balanced on what is or isn’t happening in the outside world - a place we have absolutely no control over.

Narcissistic behavior is based on a model of the ego. The ego is never at peace – it is a fearful and ‘empty’ construction. The ego always wants more and is never satisfied. When we have been involved with a narcissistic individual we realise this person simply cannot exist without approval,notoriety, stimulation, crises, and he or she always need to be ‘getting something’ in order to offset bouts of narcissistic(ego) injury.

No matter what the narcissistic personalitydoes gain, the satisfaction and peace from the acquisition wears off very quickly. This is why narcissisticindividualsneed to constantlysecurenarcissistic supply. There is no ability to just ‘be’, let along be genuinely happy.

We can all learn profoundly for this lesson - that outer gratification is never the answer for deep abiding inner peace. Inner peace can only be obtained as a result of loving and approving of ourself (defects and all), and knowing that we are enough. Only thenare we able to create and maintain emotions of love, joy and gratitude, and contribute to our personal growth, life and others in meaningful ways.

Narcissistic behavior is irreverence for life. It is the inability to see another person as worthy or of value. This means that self-absorption and ‘giving in order to get’ is the model of life adopted. This causes initial outcomes of dire separation and competition - the ‘I win – you lose’ model - yet ultimately everyone loses. The narcissistic individual discovers that his or her needs also inevitably get unmet when people pull away not wishing to endure the abuse of being objectified and abused any longer.

If we have experienced being narcissistically abused, we can closely identify and embrace the parts of ourselves that were a match for the narcissistic individual. Were there parts of our self entering relationships seeking ‘what we could get’? Were there fearful parts of our self requiring the ‘showiness’ of the narcissist to bolster our ego? Were we attracted to the materialism and status of the narcissist believinghe or she would make us feel safer, more whole or worthy?

If you tend tomeasureyour worth through objects, acquisitions, materialism or needing acertain person to be in your life ina certain way to make you feel valuable, worthy and ‘whole’ then you are missing the point. Nothing from theoutside can grant youyour inner being. Your inner being is a connection to yourself that can carry you through life regardless of what is or isn’t taking place in the outside world, and is where true love and contentment resides.